It’s only natural to ask “does my ex still love me” after you break up.
The relationship may end, but the feelings do not.
To help gauge whether he or she still has feelings for you, you can look for clues.
The purpose of the following 17 clues is to help you get a feel for just that (with the implication that they may want you back.)
Below, I list 17 signs for you to consider.
In no particular order:
1. “Accidental” Contact
Your ex “accidentally” makes contact with you. Really?
Maybe they show up at the same event as you, the same bar, or wherever it is you are.
Maybe you leave status updates on your location which your ex uses to “coincidentally” cross paths with you?
The other classic is the “butt dial” where your phone rings and your ex claims it wasn’t done on purpose.
2. Inner Circle Wannabe
Your ex makes an effort to chat with your family and friends who they didn’t know or talk to before your relationship.
Maybe your ex is chatting on Facebook to your brother/mother or best friend etc.
If so, perhaps they are not ready to entirely put this chapter behind them.
3. Sudden Convert
Your ex shows a sudden interest in things that you like and enjoy which they resisted or was indifferent to when you were going out.
You hear that they now think Yoga / Badminton / Harry Potter / your Tuesday Wing Chun class (and so on) is really cool, and maybe even show up to join in (if it’s a group thing.)
If you discover your ex has new interests that align with yours, especially if they did not care for it while you were dating?
It is a potential hint.
4. Like Like Like
You find your ex is “liking” your social network updates.
It could be when you check in or visit a place, especially somewhere you both used to go to?
If so, your ex is watching your updates and can’t help but hit that button to let you know that they’re watching and thinking of you.
5. Try Hard
Your ex is posting unusually positive and upbeat updates to Facebook / their choice of social platform.
Everything they’re doing is “the best ever,” and it is clearly out of character for them.
Their wall is a stream of “this amazing thing happened” showing pictures of themselves enjoying said things.
Overcompensation of this kind points to emptiness.
6. Rebound Replica
Your ex enters a rebound relationship with someone who looks remarkably similar to you, or who shares very similar characteristics to you that is far from typical.
Maybe they have a type.
However, maybe they have unfinished business?
7. Shared Future
Your ex makes comments about a future time where you are still in their life. It might not be in a romantic way, but any future vision with you still part of their life is encouraging.
For example, “it will be nice to see the finished stadium together”.. or “after the exams finish, it’ll be good to hang out without all that pressure.”
8. Ex Improvements
Your ex is working to resolve issues that were partly or directly responsible for the breakup.
9. Secret Dates
Your ex is dating but has made a concerted effort to hide this from you.
This is a form of damage control and may point to a deep-down desire to try again, or that they’re not 100% ready to close the door entirely.
Your ex likes to talk about the good memories they have of your relationship. Maybe not to you (although they might) but either way this is a sign they clearly miss what you had.
What is the opposite of love? It’s not hate. It’s apathy which is a complete lack of interest.
If your ex is indifferent about you, they might have moved on.
Indifferent means no emotion at all one way or the other. And that’s bad if you’re hoping to get back together.
So a clear signal they haven’t moved on (and therefore you have a chance) is if they’re still emotional about what happened, and with you.
The more emotional, the bigger the signal.
Big intense emotions signal a strong link between you both.
And yes, this includes anger as well.
Because if your ex is mad, and they yell or say nasty things about you to whoever will listen?…
While it seems like a bad sign, it actually shows your ex is still emotionally invested in you in some way. And gives you something to work on.
If your ex contacts you, whether by text, Facebook, email, phone or in person (etc.) then you are obviously on their mind.
And not just on their mind…
Because they were compelled to reach out to you.
If you get a reaction from your ex when do something that does not involve them, you have to wonder why.
For example, if you disappear off their “radar” for a while (no contact) and they get upset or anxious, you have a signal they’re not done with you yet.
We all seek it and want it, even if we’d rather not admit it.
Approval is one of the three core drivers that all humans share. I explain the other two, and the implications of all three (it’s fascinating) with clients.
But back to approval: if your ex boasts or brags about something they’ve done or achieved, it’s just them displaying their need for your approval.
If they somehow manage to tell you about a thing they’ve done they’re proud of?
You now know why.
They care how YOU perceive them. And that right there is a possible sign your ex still loves you.
This one is tough to witness.
It’s when your ex appears to “move on” really quickly.
Because rather than take time to process the ending of your relationship, they’re back out there in a matter of weeks dating somebody else.
This usually reveals they’re not over you. It shows that your ex has this big hole in their life that you left and they’re looking to fill it super-quick with anybody they can find.
People who move on quickly haven’t moved on at all.
We do not touch those we don’t like. It’s an unconscious choice. If I don’t like you, I won’t touch you.
If when you cross paths with your ex, they touch you, then that can signal affection. It’s an unconscious action. Born from “I like this person, I feel comfortable with this person” tendencies.
It can reveal conflicted emotions.
Pretty simple really. If your ex asks questions about you, and especially if they ask you questions directly, they are demonstrating an interest in you.
It may be a small thing, but it can show your ex still cares about you and still misses you.
And that can be enough to build on.
With the 17 signs above you will be better able to answer the question, “does my ex still love me?” — but remember: these clues are only a gauge. They are not conclusive!
Many of my clients had few clues there was still love to found in their ex, but went on to be very happy together.