17 signs your ex still loves you

if you want to know if your ex still loves you, then this post is for you. below are 17 signs you can use to gauge if your ex still cares about you and has feelings for you.

here’s how this works:

even when the relationship ends, you may still feel the same way for a while.

these lingering emotions make people do different things that give clues to those who are paying attention.

let me point you in the right direction to help you figure out if he or she still cares about you.

17 best signs (look for these now!)

use the following clues to determine how much your ex wants you back.

in no particular order:

—1. “accidental” contact

your ex gets in touch with you “by accident.”

they they show up at the same event as you, the same bar, or wherever it is you are.

they leave status updates on your location. and even “coincidentally” cross paths with you.

the other classic is the “butt dial” where your phone rings and your ex claims it wasn’t done on purpose.

—2. inner circle wannabe

your ex makes an effort to chat to your family and friends who they didn’t know or talk to before your relationship.

maybe your ex is chatting on facebook to your brother/mother or best friend etc.

if so, perhaps they are not ready to put this chapter behind them.

—3. sudden convert

your ex shows a sudden interest in things you like and enjoy which they resisted when you were going out.

you hear they now think yoga / badminton / harry potter / your tuesday wing chun class (and so on) is cool. and, how they may even show up to join in (if it’s a group thing.)

if you find out your ex has new interests that align with your own, which they did not care for when you were dating?

it is a potential hint.

—4. like like like

you find your ex is “liking” your social network updates.

it could be when you check in or visit a place, especially somewhere you both used to go to?

if true, your ex is watching your status updates. and they can’t help hit that like button to let you know they’re watching and thinking of you.

—5. try hard

your ex is posting unusually positive and upbeat updates to facebook. or whatever their choice of social platform is.

everything they’re doing is “the best ever,” and it is out of character for them.

this is one of many tell-tale signs they’re pretending to be over you, because gasp, what if they made a mistake?

and so, their social media wall is a stream of, “this amazing thing happened,” showing pictures of themselves enjoying said things.

overcompensation of this kind points to emptiness.

—6. rebound replica

your ex enters a rebound relationship. worse, it is with someone who looks remarkably like you. perhaps they even share similar characteristics to you which are far from typical.

do they have a type?

if the breakup was recent is it more likely they have unfinished business.

—7. shared future

your ex makes comments about a future time where you are still in their life. it might not be in a romantic way, but any future vision with you still part of their life is encouraging.

for example, “it will be nice to see the finished stadium together”.. or “after the exams finish, it’ll be good to hang out without all that pressure.”

—8. ex improvements

your ex is working to resolve issues partly or directly responsible for the breakup.

—9. secret dates

your ex is dating but has made a concerted effort to hide this from you.

this is a form of damage control and may point to a deep-down desire to try again. if true, they’re not 100% ready to close the door.

—10. reminiscing

your ex likes to talk about the good memories they have of your relationship. maybe not to you (although they might) but either way this is a sign they clearly miss what you had.

—11. emotional

what is the opposite of love? it’s not hate. it’s apathy which is a complete lack of interest.

if your ex is indifferent about you, they might have moved on.

indifferent means no emotion at all one way or the other. and that’s bad if you’re hoping to get back together.

one signal they haven’t moved on (and thus you have a chance) is if they’re still emotional over what happened and with you.

the more emotional, the bigger the signal.

big intense emotions signal a strong link between you both.

and yes, this includes anger as well.

because if your ex is mad, and they yell or say nasty things about you to whoever will listen?…

while it seems like a bad sign, it actually shows your ex is still emotionally invested in you in some way. and gives you something to work on.

make sense?

—12. contact

if your ex contacts you, whether by text, facebook, email, phone or in person (etc.) then you are obviously on their mind.

and not just on their mind…

because they were compelled to reach out to you.

—13. reactions

if you get a reaction from your ex when you do something that does not involve them, you have to wonder why.

for example, if you disappear off their “radar” for a while and your ex gets upset or anxious? you have a signal they’re not done with you yet.

—14. approval

we all seek it and want it, even if we’d rather not admit it.

approval is one of the three core drivers that all humans share. i explain the other two, and the implications of all three (it’s fascinating) with clients.

if your ex boasts or brags over something they’ve done, they are showing you their desire for approval.

if they somehow manage to tell you about a thing they’ve done they’re proud of?

you now know why.

they care how you perceive them. and that right there is a possible sign your ex still loves you.

—15. rebound

this one is tough to witness.

it’s when your ex appears to “move on” quickly.

rather than take the time to process the end of the relationship, they’re back out there dating somebody new. this usually reveals they’re not over you. it shows your ex has a big hole in their life that you left. and, they’re looking to now fill it super-quick with anybody they can find. this is why some ex’s will ask you back after dating someone else —they realise the grass is not greener.

people who move on quickly haven’t moved on at all.

—16. touch

we do not touch those we don’t like. it’s an unconscious choice. if i don’t like you, i won’t touch you.

if when you cross paths with your ex, they touch you, then that can signal affection. it’s an unconscious action. born from “i like this person, i feel comfortable with this person” tendencies.

it can reveal conflicted emotions.

—17. questions

pretty simple. when your ex asks questions about you they are demonstrating an interest in you.

it may be a small thing, but it can show your ex still cares about you and still misses you.

and that can be enough to build on.

all the more so if they ask you questions.

does my ex still love me?

what you’re really asking is will they come back? using the signs above, you will be better able to answer your question. but remember, these clues are only a gauge. they are not conclusive.

i have clients who rekindled their relationships despite a lack of clues about what their ex truly wanted. and they agree: the most helpful thing to do is make it harder for your ex to forget you. better than looking for clues or a quiz.

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About the author: i’m a relationship coach specialising in breakup recovery. i’ve been doing this for 12+ years helping thousands worldwide. i created the Breakup Dojo, a popular program with over 1,000 members. i’ve authored several in-demand breakup recovery products, drawing from my deep fascination with psychology. i also publish the “ex-communication” newsletter that’s packed with actionable advice to over 10,000 subscribers worldwide.