You best read this before you try the no contact rule!
If you are following the no contact rule, or are considering it, you may well be wondering: “does no contact work?”
After all, when there’s the chance it won’t or could make matters worse for you, it’s better you know now rather than later (when it becomes too late to do much about it.)
With everyone telling you to go no contact
You are smart to investigate.
Can No Contact Backfire?
As it happens, yes. No contact works but not always and, it must be said, not without risks.
Today I will speak about ONE of the lesser-known risks where no contact does more harm than good when the instructions are followed blindly.
Once you know what I’m about to share, you will be guarded against at least one of the risks…
Before You Do No Contact: Heed the Lesson from This Parable
Before the risk is explained, you should get to know the story of Grandma’s Cooking Secret.
Yes, really! Luckily for you, it’s concise.
A newlywed husband and wife are preparing a pot roast for Easter.
Before placing it into the oven, the wife proceeds to cut off the ends of each side of the meat.
Her husband, looking puzzled… asks, “why are you cutting off the ends of the meat, sweetheart?”
With a smile, his wife explains that this is exactly what her mother does.
And with that, the rest of their day goes according to plan. Husband and wife asleep. Bellies full.
The following week, the husband is talking to his new mother-in-law. He is unsure what to talk about. But out of nowhere, he remembers the pot roast they had last week, and so asks —
“Erm, could you tell me why you cut off the ends of the pot roast?”
With a short pause, the mother replies —
“Because that is how my mum does it. And I never thought to ask why…”
The husband is perplexed. But he just smiles. And the conversation changes direction.
Now… as luck would have it, his wife’s grandma is still alive…
So after a few weeks, he finally asks his wife to pick up the phone and ask her grandma about her pot roast “cooking method” —
“Hi, Grandma! I have a question for you:
WHY do you cut off the ends of the meat, before putting the pot roast in the oven?..”
There’s a pause, and then…
Her Grandma chuckles. And, her reply is clear and to the point —
“Because my dear, in my day we had very small ovens. And so even a small pot roast would not fit. So we’d cut off the ends!”
And with that, the mystery was solved…
You may have heard a version of this story/parable before. There are many out there.
But, what does this have to do with whether the no contact rule works or not, or the risk?
Well, I’m reminded of it today because I was just looking at how prevalent the “No Contact Rule” is. Seriously. Every article I could find relating to the job of “getting your ex back” gives a version of it.
- You’re told to go no contact;
- To do it for 30 days;
- And NEVER contact your ex during this time
Did you notice that?
It is uncanny.
And it got me wondering WHY —
“Did someone teach the “No Contact Rule” way back when for a situation that made sense at the time… only for everyone after to come along and “parrot” the same advice to their audience? (where it was parroted again and again in turn…)
Either way, it reminds me that it is smart to question the reason-why behind what we do.
Because CONTEXT is everything.
If we blindly copy “the way it’s always been done” like drones, then we may miss something important.
Does no contact work? It would sure appear that way based on popular opinion. But, what about FOR YOU? And, what if it didn’t?
What if it works, but only after you tweak the instructions to fit your situation?
And you know…
I’ve been doing A LOT of questioning lately.
And had a few “ah-ha!” moments as a reward.
I will be sharing those lessons, I’m sure when the time is right (for clients and members mostly.)
So, Does No Contact Work?
The pot roast cooks fine, whether the ends are cut off or not. What matters more is how it is cooked, not whether the ends are removed. Unless the situation calls for it (a small oven.)
After mentoring thousands of men and women the world over, I found many situations required a tweak or two. Pure no contact was not optimal!
The no contact rule works and does the job mostly. But, it can backfire. And it will if we are not thinking about what we are doing. And so, we must use our brains rather than blindly following a rule without concern.
This is why there is…
The No Contact RISK
The truth is there are caveats to be aware of when following the no contact rule.
In particular… there is one RISK frightfully few speak of, which squanders the benefits of no contact.
And, while it would be a bit strong to say IT is a secret —IN TRUTH— I do not see this particular risk explained out there (shrug.)
So, I have written a short article to reveal it.
I did this for my Ex-Communication Daily subscribers.
And, I would like to share it with you, too.
So, if you want to know what this risk is so you won’t ruin your chances during no contact?