The problem with searching for “how to get my ex girlfriend back” (etc.) is you expose yourself to a lot of the same advice.
If you were to read the top 10 results in full?
It would be like reading a small “get her back” novel (in length) where each chapter was like the one before it.
And this is a big problem…
Because the top two reasons why guys fail to turn their situation around is:
- Too much information going “in”
- Inconsistent action going “out”
We read too much, and execute too little.
We “research” into the early hours, but are full of doubt about what to do exactly.
We think the answer is complex. But in reality we make it more difficult than it needs to be.
You should know that:
- Less is more, just..
- Pick your “less” carefully (quality rules)
Let’s look at what’s ahead…
1. Reality Check: Losing Your Girl Hurt Like Hell
2. Your Odds of Getting Her Back?
3. Getting a Girl Back Requires Making Incremental Smart Moves
4. A Cult Lesson to Win Her Back
5. Basic Advice For Dealing with Her
Her Yourself Back?
7. The Most Important Thing
8. Wrapping Up and Next Steps
Reality Check: Losing Your Girl Hurt Like Hell
Can we just take a moment to slow down and acknowledge the gut wrenching mess you face? While I would not pretend to understand exactly how you feel (as only you will know that,) the pain and misery of a break-up is nigh-on universal.
Warning: Breaking up can break your normal state (mentally and emotionally.) Please be compassionate with yourself, and seek help if you are resorting to destructive behaviour. Especially if you think you may be at risk of doing something irreversible…
You should know there is always someone ready to talk to you if you need it — use IASP to find help in your area if you’re not sure where to turn.
If you feel like you don’t know which way is up any more, and that life has singled you out somehow.. you are not alone.
(If you could read my stuffed inbox…)
What you feel is not wrong, nor something to be ashamed or embarrassed about.
It is through breaking something that we become stronger.
It is true.
It is well known that we grow and improve through the struggles and hardship we face in life. That our character evolves as a direct result of pain and suffering.
While you wouldn’t choose hardship for growth, that does not mean your future self won’t appreciate the improved you that comes OUT of it.
Your Odds of Getting Her Back?
You may be wondering what your chances are of resurrecting your relationship.
Let’s cut to the chase:
Couples DO reunite. Simple as that. And I’m sure you have seen enough examples of that by now.
So we know separated couples do reunite. We just can’t predict which ones will achieve it (not as a science at least..)
You are you, and you are unique.
It is more helpful to know that your chances — whatever they are — can be raised or lowered, regardless!
So with the right help, your odds of success can go from possible to GOOD.
Important: whatever your chances are, it can be modified and changed (downwards or upwards) because this is not a fixed thing.
So if you FEEL you have little chance, it needn’t remain so.
And by the way?
So long as you are good for each other, and capable of having a loving and wonderful relationship.. then I would love to help you make it happen.
Bottom line here?
Play it right, and play it smart. Then you’ll have a better chance than those who believe following their gut instinct is the way forward.
Never let your feelings take control and lead your actions. This will only worsen your chances. It is always the emotions that lead to erratic and regrettable actions.
Let’s look at how to stop pushing your girl away, and wanting nothing more to do with you (ouch.)
I’ve helped hundreds of clients win back their girl over the years, so I know a thing or two…
Getting a Girl Back Requires Making Incremental Smart Moves
You can’t turn a no into a yes without a MAYBE in between.
You will notice the above sentence has a ring of truth to it.
Burn it into your brain!
One of the biggest mistakes men make is ignoring the “maybe” part.
We desire so much to change her no into a yes that we completely miss the bridge that connects the two.
It’s all or nothing (and usually that results in nothing.)
This is what happens when we operate more on passion than on smarts…
If you are trying to get her to say “yes” before she’s even thought “maybe,” stop and reconsider.
The risk is you may trigger her descent into a “never again” state.
Moving your ex girlfriend closer and closer to a “yes” must be done gradually!
Feeling lost? Check out my big picture overview of the ex back process → to help center yourself.
OK, let me share a lesson that may help…
A Cult Lesson to Win Her Back
Many years ago I was in to martial arts. Got pretty good at it too. Enough to teach others. And did.
Only problem was? The school was dangerously close to being an all-out cult.
Once I saw the signs, I kicked the door open and hightailed it out of there.
It’s been years and I’ve never looked back.
Now, in life you’ll find lessons everywhere. If you’ll look for them.
Cults and religions are fascinating on many levels. Doesn’t matter where you stand on them. There are still lessons to be learned. Take for example how they do what they do and how they attract and “develop” their user base.
Because boy… are there lessons to be had!
Pay attention: you’ll want to read this if you find it hard to get through to your girl because she is ignoring you.
Which is so frustrating isn’t it? This is the woman who until recently you could share your most intimate secrets with. But now you can’t even sit and talk about the weather..
If you’re getting the cold shoulder, that means she is in “repel mode.” Which is to say, she is pre-disposed to reject you. But don’t worry.. it’s quite common. It’s just a protection mechanism at work. Conscious or not..
What’s happening here is whenever your girl thinks about you, she feels bad. And nobody wants to feel that way. And in order to make those feelings “go away”.. your ex figures the less “you” she experiences, the less “bad” she’ll feel.
Now.. if you’re smart, you’ll take a page out of the “cult playbook.”
But which page? There are many..
Well, how about:
OK — this isn’t official. Just my observation.
The idea is simple:
You start with what is accepted by your ex today (“the way things are”) — her truth — and gradually and logically lead her to what isn’t..
See, where people go wrong is by trying to connect and convince their ex girlfriend from a very different place to where she is at.
But that doesn’t work. You have to start with where she already is.
Of course, there’s a knack to this.
But it’s damn effective when you do it right.
(When you try to force your view onto her, you will only push her away.)
You MUST “enter the conversation” that is already in her head. This means to see things the way she does.. to see what she currently accepts and holds to be true.. and then GRADUALLY lead her to where you want her to be.
And don’t worry, it’s not nasty or inherently evil unless you have some immoral end-game. Which if you do, shoo!
Basic Advice For Dealing with Her
It is important you can relax and show control, even if inside you are screaming! The mistake many guys make is to fuss over their girl in an attempt to get her attention and reassure her that everything is going to be different or better.
This is not the time for reassurance, and depending on how long ago the breakup was… it may not be the time for any contact at all.
As a general rule, the nearer in time it is to the break up, the further your hand should be from making a phone call…
Indeed, the safe thing to do is hang back and keep out of her way.
Did you know? Repeated exposure will only intensify whatever dominant emotion she already has toward you. As it is highly likely this emotion will be negative, it makes no sense to feed it.
There is much I could say here, but the bottom-line is rather simple: don’t do anything to make your girl feel crowded by you. You do not want her to see you as a pest as it’ll only slow your progress, both in the short and long term.
Now, you might be tempted to ask her friends or family if she misses you or to see how she is doing. But this is not a good idea, though.
Why? Because one way or another she is probably going to hear about this. And even though you were asking her friends and family and not her? She may feel uncomfortable that you did so.
Rather than fixate on her at this time, you should instead put the focus on the man in the mirror…
Her Yourself Back?
Seeing how you will not be chasing your ex girlfriend any time soon, or spying on her through social media platforms or her friends etc.. then you just freed up a bunch of time for yourself.
How handy :-)
What you have here is an opportunity to attend to all the things you couldn’t before.
Here’s a few ideas:
- Spend your time with those you neglected during the relationship. Say yes to invites. Remind your old friends why you are friends in the first place, and make new ones to boot. This is not the time to close yourself off from the world.
- How about getting in better shape? Exercise is good for your mood as well. So do whatever you like to do.. go running, cycling, swimming, whatever floats your boat.
- You could take up classes in something you’ve always fancied doing, but never got round to, or perhaps resume a hobby you let slip? (If you don’t FEEL like it, challenge yourself to show up regardless, because chances are you won’t feel like doing anything anyway, so..)
- Start something! A tiny side business, a blog, or learn a language, play guitar, whatever you want… and in particular? Becoming a man on a mission is just about the most attractive thing there is to a girl, and the nearest you might get to having the power to make your ex want you back (in a manner of speaking.)
Simple things, right?
Don’t underestimate the power of simple. Getting back to the basics in life. Because it is the small things, the simple things, the basic things… which will lift you the most.
Going slow is how you feel better fast.
The Most Important Thing
Very few people are aware of this. It may as well be a secret!
The most attractive thing in a man is his passion and drive. Not his looks or wealth.
If you want to improve your chances with her, or indeed any women? Then get busy pursuing a mission or big-goal that is important to you. If you do this, you will become more attractive and intriguing to her as a matter of course.
The secret that not 1 in 100 know is that the more passionate you are in life, the more desired you’ll be by those around you.
This is how you may turn the tables. The opposite? Not having any goals or passions, or giving them up. This would weaken your position greatly. And motivate your ex to stay your ex.
What’s your goal? What do you care about? What mission are you going to pursue?
Wrapping Up and Next Steps
The summary here is as follows:
- Don’t learn more than you APPLY;
- Acknowledge this is a tough time, and you will not be entirely yourself;
- Be compassionate with the man in the mirror;
- Take some comfort in knowing you will become stronger through adversity, even if that adversity is unwelcome right now!
- Hope: all manner of couple reunite;
- You can’t turn a no into a yes without a maybe in-between (embrace incremental progress, don’t try to jump the gun);
- Consider what your ex girlfriend ACCEPTS today, and meet her right there.. because:
- The connection is everything;
- Don’t make a fuss; don’t chase; don’t spy!
- Be obsessed with you and the betterment of yourself;
- Pursue a mission, or start one;
The above will ensure you do lose, no matter the outcome!
In your corner,