How Long to Miss You if You Don’t Contact Them?

It’s normal to wonder how long it’ll take your ex to miss you after you cut contact. You hope they won’t last a day without missing you. But you fear they won’t miss you at all.

In my experience, how much an ex will miss you depends on how long you were together, and on the strength of the connection you shared.

To expand:

  • How long did your relationship last?
  • How emotionally invested was your ex?
  • Who broke up with who?
  • What caused the relationship to end?

Let’s look at these in turn.

How Long Did Your Relationship Last?

The longer we are with someone, the longer it takes to adjust to life without them.

If you were only together for a short time, it won’t be as difficult to adjust to life without you.

Whereas, if you spent more than half your lives together? It is going to be much harder to adjust. Even if you end up not liking each other, it is not usually trivial to get back to the single life again.

The longer you were together, the more “like a fish out of water” you can feel after separation.

Which explains why some have a strong urge to get back to how things were, even if there was conflict and misery.

Fact is, we get comfortable with routine, and the longer we live a routine, the harder it is to give it up.

How Emotionally Invested in You Was Your Ex?

The more dependent we are on a person, the harder it will be to stand on our own two feet.

As such, the more your ex relied on you, leaned on you, needed you? The more likely they are to miss you post breakup.

When a relationship ends, the emotions don’t suddenly end with it. There’s a lag. And until we resolve or process the emotional “remains” of a relationship, we will be subject to feel said emotions. Which sounds odd, but basically, the more emotionally invested your ex was in the relationship, the harder they will find it to move on.

Who Broke Up with Who?

Usually, the one who initiates the breakup will be more prepared for the difficult post-breakup transition.

(Because usually the one who ends a relationship has thought about it beforehand.)

So, initiators usually weather the separation a little better.

Which means they tend to miss their ex a little less.

However, even with that advantage, the experience of being single won’t be a walk in the park (it’s hard to predict or plan for this.)

So, if your ex broke up with you? It’s horrible, I know. But while your ex may deal with the adjustment of being single a little better, it’ll still be a bitter experience.

Take from that what you will…

If you made the first move? Then your ex could be the one having a harder time right now (which means a greater chance of missing you.)

What Caused the Relationship to End?

Love is intense, but so is hurt and pain.

If you cheated on your ex, expect them to feel a torrent of bad emotions toward you, including anger, hate, and pain.

A betrayed ex may miss the stability of life pre-infidelity. But after, they may hate your company more (at least until time has helped the intense emotions to subside.)

On the other hand, if you broke up over a silly argument, then both could be feeling regretful.

Your ex will almost certainly be missing you in a matter of days of no contact if the breakup was over a silly fight.

The point is, the reason you broke up will affect how each feels about being single.

I mean, if your ex lost attraction for you or fell out of love, you can expect them not to miss you as much.

Whatever the case, by giving your ex space and not engaging in any conversation, they may start to feel warmer emotions stirring. After all, one of the main reasons to cut contact in the first place is to help your ex to miss you.

Will Your Ex Miss You During No Contact?

If you were together long enough to form a deep bond, and your ex was emotionally invested in “the couple,” they will miss you.

If every place they visit is a reminder of you, they might miss you every single day of no contact.

Of course, eventually, time will heal all wounds and pain.

And so, one day you and your ex will move on if you do not find a way back together.

After which, you may think of each other from time to time, maybe missing some aspects of the other, but not enough to revisit the past.

In short, it is only natural to wonder if your ex will miss you once you withdraw from their world.

You will miss them, so they better well miss you too.

Whatever the case, your job is to stick to the process you are following (e.g., “no contact.”) and, if you want to win them back, to have faith you are stacking the odds in your favour, even if it is not clear what those odds are.

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About the author: I’m a relationship coach with a focus on breakup recovery. I’ve been doing this for 13 years, helping thousands of people worldwide. I created the Breakup Dojo, a popular resource with over 1,000 members. I’ve authored several in-demand breakup recovery products, drawing from my deep fascination with psychology. I also publish the “Ex-Communication” newsletter, providing over 10,000 subscribers worldwide with actionable advice.