It's a little worrying the language we use at times. Especially when highly charged with emotions, like after a breakup. What kind of language do I refer to? Well, one example is found in the very wording of the headline above (specifically "how to MAKE your ex want you back.") Let's talk about that first..
OK. So it's the "make" word that won't sit right with me. You can't really expect to "make" your ex boyfriend or girlfriend do anything, do you?
I hope not.
But alas.. it does neither of us any good to ignore it, or to pretend we're better than that level of thinking. No, because it IS how many of us think when we are backed into an emotional corner.
Pain makes us do all kinds of things. And breakup pain can be especially transformative!
And so here we are.
Because sometimes we just want something so bad, we'll accept almost any way that can make it happen. Right? Oh indeed. The intense desire to somehow force your ex back into your arms can explain why some will even purchase so-called "love spells" (don't even get me started on that..)
Right. Let's just answer the big question here:
Is it possible to "make" your ex want you?
Well, no! Of course not. Not legally. And not in any way that resembles romance.
But before you click away in disgust, let's back up a bit. There's something I want to tell you. And I can give you the next best thing to making someone want you..
Going Mad Thinking About Your Ex
Right now you probably could do with a break from all the crazy thoughts running around your head. You know the kind.. those thoughts about your ex getting intimate with someone else, those thoughts about where you went wrong, or what you could had done.
And of course you'll be thinking endlessly about what you must do right now to fix this mess?
Indeed. And you're not alone. Most people suffer the same kind of thoughts after a breakup.
And so, it's no wonder that—at times—you desperately attempt to figure out how to make your ex want you back, because nothing would please you more right now than to watch them come right back to you, and fall into your arms again.
It would certainly put an end to all those thoughts you've been having that keep you awake at night.
OK, deep breath.
Getting Your Head Straight
It's so important to set realistic expectations.
Yes, be hopeful. Be optimistic.. but don't be naive. Because this isn't a time for tricks, or love potions (total BS incase I wasn't clear beforehand..)
And neither is this the time for sending some clever text message you grabbed off the internet. I mean, sure, it could get a reaction. But what comes after? And how the hell do you keep it up?
Don't fall into that trap. You're not ready for those moves until you have your head on straight. And even then, the one-trick pony isn't going to save your relationship.
No.. you need to back up whatever approach you take with a calm inner core. You need to be composed. And you can't fake it, or expect your ex to pretend things are "different this time" just because you might believe it yourself.
Face the facts. Breakups happen. And sometimes for the best (heck, often it IS for the best if we're honest.)
But also? While we're being honest, we have to accept the cold truth that many couples DO reunite. And for some of those that IS for the best (and they look plenty happy about it!)
I'm not going to lie to you. It's possible you won't do this. It's possible the game is over. But? Well, it's also possible you not only win your ex back, but you go on to have a wonderful relationship for the rest of your days.
What You Do Matters
So listen carefully..
You have a moderate amount of control over what happens next. More than most think. The mistake is to think you don't have ANY control, which only encourages you to approach things in a lazy manner.
What does that mean?
It means to approach your relationship woes without thought or planning. It means to act purely on "gut instinct," and at best.. swiping a couple text message templates off the net..
And you need to understand that lazy thinking leads to random, poor, indiscriminate action.
You want to avoid that. Please. Because what you do matters.
What you do MATTERS!
Put it this way, if you're not careful, what you say and do next could destroy any chance you have of your ex wanting you back.
When we are highly charged with emotions, and all we can think about is "making things right".. what you have is a recipe for a disaster.
Because at the very time your ex is looking to get space from you and the relationship, there you are in their face, pleading your case and acting a bit crazy..
Which only makes your ex want MORE space from you.
There are many mistakes people make following a breakup that only serve to make matters worse. But they can't help it because of how crazy the breakup left them.
By becoming aware of what those mistakes are, you can avoid making them entirely if you have the willpower.
Avoiding unnecessary mistakes comes down to preparation (and a helpful hand.)
I realise the above is a little dramatic, maybe even a little cruel? Don't worry, because if you're not feeling so good about this, the sentence below may cheer you up. Read it twice:
Isn't it reasonable to suggest that, because your ex already knows your good and bad points, and is already familiar with you, that it may be easier for them to come back to you, than it would be to start over fresh with someone else?
The above logic is perfectly reasonable, yes? Indeed it is. Yet it gets better, because when you take the time to educate yourself on the right things to say and do, rather than letting your "lazy" brain take charge.. you dramatically improve your odds of it happening.
Two Actionable Steps
OK. Let's get down to business.
I'm going to tell you how to help inspire your ex boyfriend or girlfriend to miss you, with the goal that they'll be more likely to WANT you back soon after.
To be clear.. while you may want to know how to make your ex want you back, we know that's a bit.. crazy. Yes? So instead, we want to focus on setting the foundation that will increase the chance your ex will WANT you back.
So here are two actionable steps you can implement right away:
- If you're still in contact with your ex, go and tell them that you think being separated is a good idea and for the best. Tell them they were right to end it, and that it was hopeless the way things were. Be gentle yet firm with this. If you're not on good grounds with your ex, you could skip this and go straight to #2;
- For the next few weeks or so, do not make any attempt to contact your ex, or even enquire about them through friends or family. Stay clear; no more text messages, no calling, and certainly do not go hang out at the same places you "just happen" to know your ex does. Some believe (and me) hanging close at this time is a bad idea. You want to create a void between your ex and you. Don't even ask their friends or family how they're doing.. just don't.
With step #2, it is incredibly important that you make the most of this time apart. If you do not, you greatly reduce your value in your ex's eye later..
If these steps seem overly harsh to you, and I can understand why, feel free to make your own adjustments. But stopping any "I want you back" moves would greatly help your cause.
Let me explain:
The above is purposely designed to remove or reduce any trace of you appearing (or being) the weak and needy one in the relationship. You might not have noticed, but when your ex broke up with you, you didn't just lose them. You very likely lost much of your control as well, or the feeling of control, or of being "an equal" with your partner. This is normal and certainly nothing for you to feel bad about. Once you exercise the 2 steps above (especially #2,) you will gain back some of the power you lost in the breakup.
I must stress that you need to spend time on yourself. Because you have to get your head straight. Otherwise it will be for nothing.
If you can't reach a state of "I'm OK no mater what happens" then you're going to have a difficult time persuading your ex that you both are "meant to be."
Human nature is a fascinating thing. Sometimes, doing nothing more than giving someone space can compel them to want to fill that space again..
When someone who was recently close to us, moves out of our space, we almost always begin to wonder what they're up to, and who with. Or we simply miss the feeling of being wanted.
When you try too hard, you risk pushing your partner away. Instead, you want to "play it cool" and let human nature take its course. This way, you may well find your ex wants you back, rather than wanting you to back off.
See the difference?
But please give your ex something compelling to want to return to!
I often say that getting back together is more a delicate process than an event. As such, I think it is commendable that you are reading this article, and encourage you to seek more guidance to help you with your mission.. because the more you know, the more likely your success.