How to Make Your Ex Want You Back

Last updated: September 10th, 2020

Michael Fulmer

You can sway your ex to want you back if you follow the right steps, and you can start today.

I should know.

For the past ten years, I have reunited countless men and women who swore up and down it was over (before I got involved.)

But before I continue:

We want your ex to want you back by choice, not by force. Otherwise, it does not mean the same. When your ex chooses to come back because they love and miss you, it is the best feeling.

Black and white photo of a couple. The lady is smiling and has her hand around his arm, with her head resting on his shoulder.

Are You Worried Your Ex Will Move On?

You may lay awake worried your ex will be dating someone new and moving on with life without you.

You can almost hear the clock ticking and picture the door closing in front of you.

You may also obsess over what you could have done better.

If you lay awake at night stressing how to fix this mess?

You are not alone.

Most people suffer the same kind of thoughts after a breakup. Like you, they’re desperate for relief from the mental anguish.

The problem is how pain compels you to take rash action you’ll later regret. Action which can jeopardize your opportunity to get back together.

In short, your desire to be free of pain may present as careless attempts to convince your ex to want you back.

Reacting to your pain this way is not a good strategy at all.

OK, deep breath.

Get Your Head Straight Again

Before you can become a compelling proposition for your ex, you first need to get your head straight.

You probably want to follow the no contact rule for a while.

Taking a break from your ex helps to prevent regret later on. It is also about setting realistic expectations.

With your expectations, you should be hopeful and optimistic (proactive.) Not naive —don’t fall for tricks or love potions— or pessimistic (a quitter.)

This is not the time for sending a quick text message you grabbed off the internet. I mean, sure, it could get a reaction. But what comes after that? And how do you keep it up?

Don’t fall into that trap.

You’re not ready to contact your ex until you have your head on straight. And even then, the one-trick pony isn’t going to save your relationship.

The reality is you must back up the approach you take with a confident inner core.

When you are self-governing (you have control over yourself) you are ready to approach your ex.

When you are out-of-control, you must stay away from your ex!

To know how to make your ex want you back, you must know when to let go.

With your head clear and impulses under control, you gain composure. You can use this to show your ex what they are missing.

You can’t fake this, or expect your ex to pretend things are “different this time” because you believe it will be.

Make time for your healing!

If you meet your ex wearing desperation on your face, resentment in your heart, with no confidence or self-belief, then no trick or game will convince this guy or girl to stand by your side.

Make it Easier to Want You Back

You have more control over what happens next in your life than you think.

Those who follow a good plan will discover just how true that is.

The mistake is believing you don’t have ANY control as that only encourages you to approach things in an uncontrolled manner.

What does that mean?

It means to approach your relationship woes without thought or planning.

It means to act purely on “gut instinct,” and at best, swiping a couple of text message templates off the net.


You need to understand that lazy thinking leads to random, poor, indiscriminate action (i.e., poor results.)


So accept the truth:

What you do MATTERS!

If you’re not careful, what you say and do next could destroy any hope you have of your ex wanting you back.

Yes, friend, really.

You can make it easier for your ex to want you back. Or harder. Your job is to focus on the former. This is where you do have control.

Know When to Make Your Move

When you are highly charged with emotions, and only think about “making things right” then what you have is a recipe for disaster.

Experience has shown me this time and time again, working with guys and girls the world over.

For example, if your ex is looking to get space from you and the relationship, yet you decide to bring your emotional self to their door, there will be a clash.

Which only makes your ex want MORE space from you.

Develop the presence of mind to know when to move closer to your ex, and when to keep your schedule so busy you couldn’t even spare a moment to pick up the phone.

Pressure kills chances, fast. What is pressure? Anything your ex doesn’t want ;-)

So, there are many mistakes people make following a breakup that only serves to make matters worse. But they can’t help it because of how crazy the breakup left them.

You need to be able to tap into what your ex needs and desires. Which will change, even daily, as they play out different memories of what happened.

This is why taking a step back is essential.

At first, they are more likely to think and feel the negative stuff more than the loving parts.

Use this time —when your ex is angry or hurting— to identify the problems you sparked and consider how your actions affected him or her. You can use this data to improve your chances later.

Fight for, and gift yourself every advantage you can win, to build attraction and help remind your ex what they are losing.


Avoiding unnecessary mistakes comes down to proper preparation (and a helpful hand — keep reading!)

And, I realize the above sounds a little dramatic, and maybe even a bit cruel with all my warnings?

Don’t worry.

Because, if you are not feeling optimistic, the sentence below will cheer you up. Read it twice:

Is it not reasonable to suggest that because your ex already knows your good and bad points, and is already familiar with you, that it may be easier to come back to you than start over fresh with someone else?

The above logic is perfectly sound, yes? Indeed it is.

But it gets better:

When you take the time to educate yourself on the right things to say and do, rather than letting your “lazy” brain take charge, you dramatically improve your odds of it happening.


Become Wanted Again: Two Actionable Steps

OK. Let’s get down to business.

I’m going to tell you how to help inspire your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend to miss you, with the goal they’ll be more likely to WANT you back soon after.

To be clear, while you may want to know how to make your ex want you back, we both by now that is a bit crazy. Right? So instead, we will focus on creating the foundation that will increase the chance your ex will WANT you back.

Make sense?

So here are two actionable steps you can implement right away:

  1. If you’re still in contact with your ex, go and tell them you think being separated is a good idea and for the best. Tell them they were right to end it, and that it was hopeless the way things were. Be gentle yet firm with this. If you’re not on good grounds with your ex, you could skip this and go straight to #2;
  2. For the next few weeks or so, do not make any attempt to contact your ex, or even inquire about them through friends or family. Stay clear; no more text messages, no calling, and certainly do not go hang out at the same places you “just happen” to know your ex does. Some believe (including me) that hanging close at this time can be a bad idea. Stay quiet for a while. Don’t even ask their friends or family how they’re doing.

With step #2, you must make the most of the time apart. If you do not, you significantly reduce your value in your ex’s eye later on.

If these steps seem overly harsh to you, and I can understand why then feel free to make your own adjustments. But stopping any “I want you back” moves would greatly help your cause.

Let me explain:

The above is purposely designed to remove or reduce any trace of you appearing (or being) the weak and needy one in the relationship. You might not have noticed, but when your ex broke up with you, you didn’t just lose them. You likely lost much of your control as well, or the feeling of control or of being “an equal” with your partner. Which is normal and certainly nothing for you to feel sorry about. Once you exercise the two steps above (especially #2,) you will gain back some of the power you lost in the breakup.


I must stress you need to spend time on yourself. Because you have to get your self back before anyone else can want you back. Otherwise, it will be for nothing.

If you can’t reach a state of “I’m OK no matter what happens,” then you’re going to have a difficult time persuading your ex you both are “meant to be.”

Human nature is a fascinating thing. Sometimes, doing nothing more than giving someone space can compel them to want to fill that space again...

When someone who was recently close to us, moves out of our space, we almost always begin to wonder what they’re up to, and who with. Or we just miss the feeling of being wanted.

When you try too hard, you risk pushing your partner away. Instead, you want to “play it cool” and let human nature take its course. This way, you may well find your ex wants you back, rather than wanting you to back off.

See the difference?

But please give your ex something compelling to want to return to!

Could You Get Back Together Quickly?

If your breakup was an overreaction, rash, and unplanned, then yes. It is possible to make up quickly.

Sometimes when two people argue, neither wants to back down. And, rather than admitting that, things blow up and the next thing they know, they’re separated!

In such cases, there is no reason why you can’t make up quickly. There isn’t a major blockage, so you just need to admit your hot temper got the better of you. Or give your ex a chance to do the same.

Tips to Make Success More Likely

In no particular order:

Stay clear of your ex on social media, including Facebook and Instagram, etc.

Only post happy, upbeat updates online. Only talk about positive events. About the good work you are doing. Don’t speak about relationships, or of what you regret. Keep that personal. You want your ex to question their decision, to have doubts. So show them your calm side.

Commit to a no-contact period that is long enough to reflect the degree of drama and hurt in the breakup. It will feel deeply challenging but take it slowly. It is worth every second.

Don’t enter a rebound relationship during this time. If your ex does? Remember that dating before you are ready will turn that relationship into a source of pain and misery. Ergo, don’t be jealous. It won’t last. And, it actually reveals your ex is not over you.

Don’t quit:

Many coaching clients wanted to break the silence. And I have to be firm. But those who stick with it win more than those who don’t. And I remind them of that. Take from that what you will. So, recognize the difference between what you want and what you need...

Last, imagine the strength you will have when you look back at this time months from now. People will admire your ability to maintain distance!

How to Make My Ex Want Me Back?

Let me recap, and throw in a few extra tips for good measure:

  1. Make some space: breakups are hard, so rest, catch up with friends and hope your ex misses your company and thinks about you;
  2. Be genuinely open and ready to feel emotionally OK someday, shortly perhaps — AND, to even be completely fine with being single! (because future you will be, regardless of how you feel today);
  3. Acknowledge why things ended so you have the eyes to see and prevent what finishes couples;
  4. Get a mission: something bigger than yourself, because nothing makes us more beautiful and exciting to those around us than having a purpose;
  5. Have a plan: get a guide to follow, and someone smart (hi!) to support you on your journey (I have a comprehensive program you can follow to increase your chances significantly — just email me to get started);
  6. Don’t make the same mistakes as everyone else: don’t beg, chase, or send gifts... and don’t become a “texting terrorist,” or use reason to get what you want (lead with emotion);
  7. Have quality me-time: do what makes you smile, and is fun, and do it more often because enjoying yourself makes you more appealing and attractive (we are naturally interested in happiness, and besides... who wants to hang around with misery?);
  8. Get their attention: after a suitable break, decide whether to send a written letter, or simply a text, that makes sense for both the context of your situation and your exes likely mood;
  9. Start a conversation they will care to have: match the level of interest your ex has (or reveals to you) to get their attention while avoiding the urge to jump ahead (a poor strategy);
  10. Make them jealous: think of ways to make it appear like you are unconquered and available, but hold back on dating and avoid sex unless you want complications later (not recommended!) — don’t upset your ex, just agitate a little and drop signs you have value which others desire;
  11. Don’t waste time doing some ex back quiz: no quiz —or human— can 100% know the degree of chance you have, but it doesn’t matter because you always have a chance, and that’s all you need to know!
  12. Make contact more often when things are going well: if they answer your questions, ask about your day, and give signals to suggest healthier times ahead, keep doing what you are doing plus a little more on top!
  13. Leave things in the past: frequently talking about problems feels bad, and may plant doubt in the minds of both. It is safer to set your view on the future to minimise negativity (communicating about what is broken is not always appropriate or productive and undo your progress!)


I often say making up again is more delicate process than an event. As such, it is commendable you are reading this article. I encourage you to seek more guidance to help with your mission to be together again because the more you know, the more likely your success.

Wait! Is Your Ex Giving You THESE Signs They Miss You?

I’ll give you SEVEN dead giveaway clues your ex wants you back or is having second thoughts...

Click me to find out what these seven clues are...

My girlfriend and I broke up last week. I followed your instructions and we are back together — Erick Nelson