How to Make Your Ex Want You Back?

Be honest — are you one of those people who wants to know how to make your ex want you back?

Hey, don’t worry. You are in good hands here.

To Want Control is Normal

Wanting to “make” the world — and the people in it — fit our desires is perfectly normal.

Especially after a breakup, when we are highly charged with emotions.

Wanting to know how to make your ex want you back is nothing to feel ashamed about.

The truth is, this is how many of us think when backed into an emotional corner. Not necessarily out of malice, or a sign we have control issues. It is more a symptom of the pain we are in.

Pain motivates action! And breakup pain can be especially persuasive.

Can You Make Your Ex Do Anything?

Not without being a cruel and terrible person. Not legally. And not in any way that resembles romance.

Interestingly, the intense desire to force your ex to want to come back into your arms explains why some will purchase crazy “love spells” (which I do not recommend.)

Tip: Some of my clients have admitted, “I was controlling with my ex” and this absolutely put them in a weak position. So take it from me, no one likes to be forced or pushed into doing anything, especially with matters of the heart!

Thankfully, most of the people visiting this page are looking for a harmless way to become wanted and desired by their ex. Nothing more.

And so here we are.

Now before we look at that, let’s back up a bit. Because there is something I want to discuss with you (after which, I will give you the next best thing to making someone want you.)

Making Yourself Mad Thinking About Your Ex?

You could probably do with a break from the crazy thoughts running around your head.

You know the kind: thoughts of your ex being intimate with another, about what you did wrong and what you could have done different, etc.


You probably lay awake at night wondering how to fix this mess.

You are not alone:

Most people suffer the same kind of thoughts after a breakup.

And just like them, it is obvious that you would yearn for relief from your mental anguish.

And how?

By convincing your ex to want you back as badly as you want to be free of the pain. That’s how.

After all, it would stop your pain.

Hopefully the above gives you a clearer understanding of your predicament.

OK, deep breath.

Make Your Head Straight Again

Before you can become a compelling proposition for your ex, you first need to get your head straight.

This is about setting realistic expectations.

Yes, be hopeful. Be optimistic. But not naive. Because this isn’t a time for tricks or love potions (total nonsense in case I wasn’t clear beforehand!)

Neither is this the time for sending a quick text message you grabbed off the internet. I mean, sure, it could get a reaction. But what comes after that? And how do you keep it up?

Don’t fall into that trap.

You’re not ready for any moves until you have your head on straight. And even then, the one-trick pony isn’t going to save your relationship.

The reality is that you must back up the approach you take with a confident inner core.

When you are self-governing (having control over yourself) you are ready to approach your ex.

When you are out-of-control, you must stay away from your ex!

To know how to make your ex want you back is to know when to let go. Paradoxically as that may sound…

Getting your head clear and your impulses under control gives you the composure needed to show your ex what they are missing.

You can’t fake this, or expect your ex to pretend things are “different this time” just because you believe that it is.

Make time for your healing!

What You Do Matters

You have more control over what happens next than you might think. More than most allow themselves to believe.

Those who follow a plan will discover just how true that is.

The mistake is believing you don’t have ANY control as that only encourages you to approach things in an uncontrolled manner.

What does that mean?

It means to approach your relationship woes without thought or planning.

It means to act purely on “gut instinct,” and at best, swiping a couple of text message templates off the net.


You need to understand that lazy thinking leads to random, poor, indiscriminate action (i.e., poor results.)


So accept the truth:

What you do MATTERS!

If you’re not careful, what you say and do next could destroy any chance you have of your ex wanting you back.

Yes, really.

When you are highly charged with emotions, and only think about “making things right” then what you have is a recipe for disaster.

For example, if your ex is looking to get space from you and the relationship, yet you decide to bring your emotional self to their door, there will be a clash.

Which only makes your ex want MORE space from you.

There are many mistakes people make following a breakup that only serves to make matters worse. But they can’t help it because of how crazy the breakup left them.

This is why taking a step back is essential.

If you use this time to become aware of the common mistakes, you will have a chance to avoid making them yourself.

Avoiding unnecessary mistakes comes down to preparation (and a helpful hand — keep reading!)

I realize the above is a little dramatic, maybe even a little cruel?

Don’t worry.

If you are not feeling optimistic, the sentence below will cheer you up. Read it twice:

Is it not reasonable to suggest that because your ex already knows your good and bad points, and is already familiar with you, that it may be easier for them to come back to you, than it would be to start over fresh with someone else?

The above logic is perfectly sound, yes? Indeed it is.

But it gets better:

When you take the time to educate yourself on the right things to say and do, rather than letting your “lazy” brain take charge, you dramatically improve your odds of it happening.


Become Wanted Again: Two Actionable Steps

OK. Let’s get down to business.

I’m going to tell you how to help inspire your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend to miss you, with the goal that they’ll be more likely to WANT you back soon after.

To be clear, while you may want to know , we both by now that is a bit crazy. Right? So instead, we will focus on creating the foundation that will increase the chance your ex will WANT you back.

Make sense?

So here are two actionable steps you can implement right away:

  1. If you’re still in contact with your ex, go and tell them that you think being separated is a good idea and for the best. Tell them they were right to end it, and that it was hopeless the way things were. Be gentle yet firm with this. If you’re not on good grounds with your ex, you could skip this and go straight to #2;
  2. For the next few weeks or so, do not make any attempt to contact your ex, or even inquire about them through friends or family. Stay clear; no more text messages, no calling, and certainly do not go hang out at the same places you “just happen” to know your ex does. Some believe (including me) that hanging close at this time can be a bad idea. You probably want to follow the no contact rule for a while. Don’t even ask their friends or family how they’re doing.

With step #2, it is crucial you make the most of the time apart. If you do not, you significantly reduce your value in your ex’s eye later on.

If these steps seem overly harsh to you, and I can understand why then feel free to make your own adjustments. But stopping any “I want you back” moves would greatly help your cause.

Let me explain:

The above is purposely designed to remove or reduce any trace of you appearing (or being) the weak and needy one in the relationship. You might not have noticed, but when your ex broke up with you, you didn’t just lose them. You very likely lost much of your control as well, or the feeling of control, or of being “an equal” with your partner. Which is normal and certainly nothing for you to feel sorry about. Once you exercise the two steps above (especially #2,) you will gain back some of the power you lost in the breakup.


I must stress you need to spend time on yourself. Because you have to get your self back before anyone can want you. Otherwise, it will be for nothing.

If you can’t reach a state of “I’m OK no matter what happens,” then you’re going to have a difficult time persuading your ex that you both are “meant to be.”

Human nature is a fascinating thing. Sometimes, doing nothing more than giving someone space can compel them to want to fill that space again…

When someone who was recently close to us, moves out of our space, we almost always begin to wonder what they’re up to, and who with. Or we just miss the feeling of being wanted.

When you try too hard, you risk pushing your partner away. Instead, you want to “play it cool” and let human nature take its course. This way, you may well find your ex wants you back, rather than wanting you to back off.

See the difference?

But please give your ex something compelling to want to return to!


I often say that making up again is more a delicate process than an event. As such, I think it is commendable that you are reading this article, and encourage you to seek more guidance to help you with your mission to be together again, because the more you know, the more likely your success.

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“My girlfriend and I broke up last week. I followed your instructions and we are back together” — Erick Nelson

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About the author: Michael Fulmer founded in 2011. He gives breakup recovery advice to clients all over the world. To help more people, he has also produced online programs showing men and women how to create their best chance of saving the relationship.

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