How to Know if Breaking Up is the Right Decision

Was your breakup the right decision?

A breakup is not always the right decision. It can be based on the heat of the moment instead of a rational conclusion that the relationship is hopeless.

How to know if breaking up is the right decision? Let me give you a few things to consider.

A girl sat in a contemplative pose, face on hands

In no particular order:

The Breakup Was a Rash Decision

It’s not uncommon for couples to break up because of their ego.

Nobody wants to back off. And no one likes to lose an argument. Sadly though, someone WILL lose, with the other believing the relationship is not for them. If this is the case, you would be pushing the right person away because you’re not sure how to deal with each other.

You had a Great Relationship

If the relationship was smooth all the way through until the point of breakup, then the fight that ended it — and the issue it was over — could be an isolated case.

Think back over the time you had with your partner.

How often did you fight with them? How did you feel about the relationship when everything was normal? Did you feel like you could always be honest with them? Did you feel like they were always honest with you?

If all of your answers point to the positive side, then it might be a sign it was a bad decision to break up, and that you should figure out how to get your ex back if possible.

You Have a Child Together

A divorce or separation is naturally difficult for you and your partner. But, imagine how your child feels?

If you have a child together, consider if you can find a resolution for the sake of the child. If you can stick it out and work together, you get to raise your child as a healthy family.

Of course, you may have to take the initiative on this. And your partner may not be ready to consider the bigger picture just yet. So be patient.

If it is not possible to create a positive environment for your children? Then it may well be that separation is for the best.

Circumstantial Breakup

Is it possible that your breakup had nothing to do with your relationship, but was actually caused by unfortunate circumstances?

If yes, then your relationship was likely an innocent victim, and should be treated compassionately!

When a relationship is caught up in the crossfire of something else, you should try to make it work again.

Whether it’s a long distance relationship, or the pressure of a demanding career sapping your time away from your partner, such circumstances are a real threat to any couple.

If the relationship was healthy and you loved spending time with your partner, then you should give it another chance.

Your Friends and Family Think it’s a Good Idea to Get Back Together

Sometimes it takes the fresh, unbiased eyes of outsiders to help you see the bigger picture.

If your friends and family make excellent points about why you should get back with your ex, then maybe they are right.

Of course, it is still important to think for yourself. After all, we must keep in mind that your family are not the ones who have to be in the relationship. And they don’t share your intimate experience of it!

So yes, listen to the advice of others. But don’t do so exclusively. Instead, weigh their inputs against the other signs you have to help with your decision.

You See Some Serious Potential in The Relationship

Many relationships have the potential to be great as long as both parties are willing to come together and find solutions to the problems at hand instead of fighting over it.

You need to look at this critically. If you’re holding on to false hope, then you’re setting yourself up to fail. On the other hand, if your relationship was based on mutual respect and you felt like you could be comfortable around them no matter what, then a reconciliation might be worth it.

How to Know if Breaking Up is the Right Decision?

A breakup is an emotional rollercoaster. Many feelings and thoughts will be going around your head, and it’s hard to reason when your mind is full of emotions.

Give yourself some time to recover from the negative emotions before taking a critical look at your relationship and making any big decisions.

During this time you shouldn’t contact your ex. Let the dust settle as much as you can. This will give you space to get used to the change in lifestyle. Then, when you come to make your decision, you will be less likely to make one you will regret.

Check Yourself After 30 Days

As a general rule (with caveats…) if you don’t feel like you want anything to do with your ex after 30 days or so, chances are the breakup was the right decision.

If you feel there has been a significant improvement in how you feel and how you live your life during these 30 days, then it might just be that the relationship was not good for you.

However, if you only feel worse, and you can’t stop thinking about how it was a bad decision?

Then yes, it could well be a good idea to give it another try.

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Michael Fulmer: The Gonzo Breakup Coach, and amazing writer of the Ex-Communication Daily newsletter. A fixer of broken relationships with 9+ years of experience helping clients worldwide. One of the few professional relationship consultants not featured on Youtube (not a fan of video!) Mastermind of Breakup Dojo (now called Second Chance) THE premium course showing men and women how to create their best chance of saving the relationship. Founded undoabreakup.com in 2011.

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