how to know if breaking up is the right decision?

a breakup is not always the right decision. it can be based on the heat of the moment instead of a rational conclusion that the relationship is hopeless. so, how do you know if breaking up is the right decision? let me give you a few things to consider.

in no particular order:

was the breakup a rash decision?

it’s not uncommon for couples to break up because of their ego.

nobody wants to back off. and no one likes to lose an argument. sadly though, someone will lose, with the other believing the relationship is not for them. if this is the case, you would be pushing the right person away because you’re not sure how to deal with each other.

did you have a great relationship?

if the relationship was smooth all the way through until the point of breakup, then the fight that ended it —and the issue it was over— could be an isolated case.

think back over the time you had with your partner.

how often did you fight with them? how did you feel about the relationship when everything was normal? did you feel like you could always be honest with them? did you feel like they were always honest with you?

if all of your answers point to the positive side, then it might be a sign it was a bad decision to break up, and that you should figure out a reunion if possible.

do you have a child together?

a divorce or separation is naturally difficult for you and your partner. but, imagine how your child feels?

if you have a child together, consider if you can find a resolution for the sake of the child. if you can stick it out and work together, you get to raise your child as a healthy family.

of course, you may have to take the initiative on this. and your partner may not be ready to consider the bigger picture just yet. so be patient.

if it is not possible to create a positive environment for your children? then it may well be that separation is for the best.

did unfortunate circumstances cause your breakup?

is it possible that your breakup had nothing to do with your relationship, but was actually caused by unfortunate circumstances?

if yes, then your relationship was likely an innocent victim, and should be treated compassionately.

when a relationship is caught up in the crossfire of something else, you should try to make it work again.

whether it’s a long distance relationship, or the pressure of a demanding career sapping your time away from your partner, such circumstances are a real threat to any couple.

if the relationship was healthy and you loved spending time with your partner, then you should give it another chance.

do your friends and family think it’s a good idea to get back together?

sometimes it takes the fresh, unbiased eyes of outsiders to help you see the bigger picture.

if your friends and family make excellent points about why you should get back with your ex, then maybe they are right.

of course, it is still important to think for yourself. after all, we must keep in mind that your family are not the ones who have to be in the relationship. and they don’t share your intimate experience of it.

so yes, listen to the advice of others. but don’t do so exclusively. instead, weigh their inputs against the other signs you have to help with your decision.

do you see serious potential in the relationship?

many relationships have the potential to be great as long as both parties are willing to come together and find solutions to the problems at hand instead of fighting over it.

you need to look at this critically. if you’re holding on to false hope, then you’re setting yourself up to fail. on the other hand, if your relationship was based on mutual respect and you felt like you could be comfortable around them no matter what, then a reconciliation might be worth it.

how to know if breaking up is the right decision?

a breakup is an emotional rollercoaster. many feelings and thoughts will be going around your head, and it’s hard to reason when your mind is full of emotions.

give yourself some time to recover from the negative emotions before taking a critical look at your relationship and making any big decisions.

during this time you shouldn’t contact your ex. let the dust settle as much as you can. this will give you space to get used to the change in lifestyle. then, when you come to make your decision, you will be less likely to make one you will regret.

check-in with yourself after 30 days

as a general rule (with caveats…) if you don’t feel like you want anything to do with your ex after 30 days or so, chances are the breakup was the right decision.

if you feel there has been a significant improvement in how you feel and how you live your life during these 30 days, then it might just be that the relationship was not good for you.

however, if you only feel worse and more sure it was a bad decision?

then yes, it is worth exploring whether the relationship is worth saving before giving up entirely.

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About the author: i’m a relationship coach specialising in breakup recovery. i’ve been doing this for 12+ years helping thousands worldwide. i created the Breakup Dojo, a popular program with over 1,000 members. i’ve authored several in-demand breakup recovery products, drawing from my deep fascination with psychology. i also publish the “ex-communication” newsletter that’s packed with actionable advice to over 10,000 subscribers worldwide.