How to Make Your Ex Boyfriend Want You Back

Become the girl he wants to pursue to make him want you back!

You are here because you and your ex-boyfriend broke up, and you want to know how to make your ex boyfriend want you back.

In contrast, I am “here” writing these words because I want to help you learn how to get your ex back with dignity.

Please know that I do not take your heartbreak lightly. And I appreciate you stopping by.

Now —

You want him back. That much I know. And likely? You know that achieving this will take time, sweat, and even tears.

And yet?

The outcome will be worth it. No question.

So with that said, here are some tips for you to keep in mind for the journey ahead.

Let’s begin!

A couple on the beach. The man is carrying his girlfriend in his arms

Men Don’t Like Drama

If you want learn how to get your ex boyfriend back you’ll want to have a strategy or plan.

Why?

Because having a plan will help moderate your intense feelings to match the plan.

This is important, as having no plan means your emotions are more likely to make the decisions for you.

You don’t want that!

During a break up your emotions will be volatile. As such, it is a reckless fuel to run on.

Guys do not want drama. They hate it! And a woman running on pure emotion is a whole lot of drama…

So, do not “wing it” by following your emotions.

Instead, balance what you feel with what you think (logic.)

So, rather than trying to persuade him with begging tactics, or by making ultimatums (which are driven mostly by emotion,) sit on your “emotional hands” for a while.

When you stop and think about it, you will see that it benefits you to show him your more composed and elegant side.

Men do not want drama, after all.

Your Boyfriend Wants to Take Charge

Men like to lead.

If your boyfriend wants you to listen? Then let him take charge.

Even if he still insists it is over…

Let him play his role.

This is not the time to make demands of him or to ask for things to be different than what he wants.

If you stop pushing him, he may drop his guard.

Do this well, and he may reverse his position. And even try to impress you.

Men Like a Challenge

It is crucial to keep things polite yet fun while you respond the way he wants you to.

And what’s fun for a man? A challenge.

The secret here is to resist him while he’s trying to impress you. To give him mostly the reactions he wants, while maintaining your ground and breaking pattern enough to keep things alive.

You want to challenge him by giving him a challenge.

Raise Your Value

Power is everything to a man.

While you were hopefully equals before he broke up with you, it is likely you lost some of that equality afterward.

Now’s the time to change that.

The mistake many women make is to beg or manipulate their man and push for another chance etc. This is wrong because they surrender more of their power in doing so.

Therefore if you don’t do the same thing, you will already be ahead of the game.

This is why using “your head,” and not your heart is so important.

You feel like grabbing him with both hands and never letting go.

While your head tells you that he must not see you as a conquered woman.

If he sees you as a free woman, who knows her value?

Then the power balance is restored.

Better Yourself

When you are not obsessed with controlling him or with playing mind games, you free up a lot of energy.

And what’s the best thing to do with that energy?

Well, you could do a lot worse than channeling it into bettering yourself.

This is a great time to focus on your health, your life goals, and on having fun with your friends.

Don’t Be a Validation Junkie

Don’t seek comfort and validation from him (or from anyone else.)

Validation comes from within.

No man should have that power over you. Certainly.

Once you understand that validation is an inside job, your whole life changes.

And, your value in his eyes sky-rockets.

Now, this may not be easy to achieve. Granted. And it will be tempting to seek his validation. Especially when you feel low.

As such, it is good to keep yourself busy. After all, your mind can be your worse enemy if it is left to idle…

Having ample time with nothing to do is a sure fire way to test your mental health!

Many of us will obsess with wondering what went wrong, how it could happen to us, and what we could have done differently, etc.

It can drive you nuts.

Therefore, keeping busy is wise. It is a simple way to reduce the time given to unwanted thoughts.

Keep Your Cool When He Talks to You

As soon as you gain back confidence and control of your life, he will notice and be attracted to it.

Now, when you find yourself speaking to him again, and he makes the first move?

Try to come across natural, calm, and casual.

Losing control, or becoming too emotional could scare him off as that shows insecurity.

Try to find that calm demeanor you had before you were in love, or from when you both were happiest with each other (while the chase was still there.)

Throughout your interactions, your goal is to manage your emotions as best you can.

Tip: hold back on communicating everything you’re feeling. This is not the time to unload every thought and feeling you have been having!

Men Love Mystery, Not Misery

This is a great time to bring back the mystery.

A mysterious woman is a lot more interesting, and therefore attractive to a man than a familiar one.

Misery is not attractive. Mystery is.

Now…

When it comes to being mysterious, just not sharing every detail of your life is a good start. But also? Not giving him emotional intimacy at every opportunity without him earning it, helps as well.

Keep in mind that even though he broke up with you, he still has to earn your intimacy.

Therefore do not show your cards so quickly or openly. And don’t volunteer information without him asking first.

Instead, give him the chance to rebuild things from the ground up. Like a new couple would.

Have fun with this.

Treat him the way he wants to be treated. As an ordinary guy that may want to chase you one more time. And see what happens.

Make it Easy for Him to Want You Back

If he is to want you back, he first must see you as different to the person he fell out of love with.

Show him a new, updated, and more confident version of the person he first fell for.

Imagine that he wants to fall in love with you all over again.

Then…

Make it easy for that to happen.

How to Make Your Ex Boyfriend Want You Back

To repair the damages left from the breakup, you must eliminate conflict and be open to negotiation.

Naturally.

Yet be sure to marry this practical side with the mysterious and fun side.

Only having “serious talk” can kill the romance.

So, take responsibility for your mistakes, yes. As doing so helps retain your power and independence while also validating your feelings.

But, don’t forget to smile and have fun.

Even to make fun of your mistakes, too…

As laughter helps to dissipate the pressure.

So, try to work together on finding solutions, and don’t be afraid to apologize for hurt feelings.

But remember to flirt and laugh, too.

Then, if he gets serious about pursuing you, let him! Just be sure to make him work for your attention because guys need a challenge.

This is how you make him want you. You become a prize to pursue, not a trap to run from.

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Michael Fulmer: The Gonzo Breakup Coach. Writes the Ex-Communication Daily newsletter. Founded undoabreakup.com in 2011. Has spent 9+ years giving breakup recovery advice to clients all over the world. The mastermind of Second Chance, a premium course showing men and women how to create their best chance of saving the relationship.

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