how to regain your husband’s trust and strengthen the relationship

has trust in your relationship dwindled? do you miss the connection you once had with your husband? you’re not alone. many couples face this hurdle in their relationship. but listen closely: whether due to dishonesty, infidelity, or insecurity, once trust has gone, it must be resurrected, or else the marriage is done for.

sorry to squeeze lemons.

it’s just that trust is one of those supporting walls your relationship “house” can’t stand up without.

the good news?

trust can be rebuilt.

let’s look at what you must do.

step 1: face the problem

you need to turn and face squarely in the direction of your woes. this trust problem, especially the event(s) that brought it down, requires honest accounting. yeah, it’s uncomfortable to look at our faults or to say things as they are, but it is necessary for rebuilding trust.

if you have broken his trust in you, own it. say, “i am responsible for this,” so he knows you are not in denial.

taking responsibility will also prepare you for the steps that follow.

action step:  have a heart-to-heart conversation with your husband about the trust issues in your relationship and what (and who) caused them.

pro tip: make sure your acknowledgement is sincere and not just a tool to pacify him. it must be an admission from your heart, not just your lips.

step 2: understand him

before you start fixing things, make sure to first improve your understanding of what he’s going through. understand his situation, his emotions, and his thoughts.

and not superficially.

“oh, he’s hurt.” that won’t suffice.

you need to go deep and do this properly.

basically, your job is to understand the impact of your actions and how those actions affected and changed him. this includes any changes in his perception of you.

you’ve got to see the pain through his eyes.

see, trust issues come with hurt feelings.

i want you to uncover them.

the disappointment, the anger, the confusion, the feelings of inadequacy…

you must understand everything as well as possible.

also, how does he see you now?

what has changed in his view of you?

if you can describe back to him his thoughts and feelings, or better yet, he can, then you will make a deep connection.

he’ll then know you have made a huge effort to understand the ramifications of your actions.

that you care enough to delve deep enough to truly empathise with his situation.

action step: think deeply about how this has affected your husband. walk a mile in his shoes, think it through, and yes, ask him if he’ll share his feelings and thoughts with you.

remember, this step is not about justifying your actions but about understanding his feelings.

step 3: offer a genuine apology

once you’ve understood his feelings well enough, the next step is to make a good apology. an apology without understanding is hollow. but if you truly understand, your apology will come from a genuine place.

important:

don’t rationalise or give excuses in your apology.

e.g., “i’m sorry i slept with your brother, but i was drunk, and you’ve been putting golf before me, so…”

that’s a defensive apology.

bad.

instead, take responsibility for your actions without the “but.”

and, as best you can, let him know that you understand how his actions affected him.

e.g., “i’m sorry for x; i imagine it made you feel y. and i feel terrible for that. and take full responsibility.”

that’s much better.

action step: apologise in person. make sure your apology has no excuses. and show him what you have thought about how your actions hurt him.

remember, a heartfelt “i’m sorry” can go a long way in beginning the healing process.

step 4: be open and transparent

trust is built on honesty. therefore, to rebuild trust, commit to openness and transparency, the two hallmarks of trust.

this can be as simple as keeping your husband informed about your daily activities or as complex as discussing major decisions with him.

now,

building trust is a slow process, depending on the scale of the wrongdoing.

you should expect your husband to be suspicious of you at first.

questioning your motives (“huh, she’s just saying or doing this to win me over”) and looking for reasons to discount your efforts are common.

however, if you persevere and maintain consistency, those suspicions will gradually diminish. and his guard will drop.

just keep being honest and transparent with him.

(this isn’t something you do for a weekend; you must commit to the process for the long haul.)

action step: share your daily activities and decisions with your husband. let him know that he’s an integral part of your life.

this doesn’t mean you completely lose your independence or privacy; it just shows you understand that this is a time for being more open to help soothe his insecurities.

later, when he is less insecure, you can adjust your approach accordingly.

step 5: keep your promises

there’s a saying, “actions speak louder than words.” well, what i want you to do is match the two together. this is because doing so increases trust. what do i mean? well, if you say, “i’ll call you at 12,” and then you do exactly that, you show that you are a woman of your word.

keeping your promises will earn you trust points.

it doesn’t matter how small your promises are.

in fact, i recommend looking for the smallest promises you can 100% fulfil. and do them.

it all builds up.

examples:

anything relating to punctuality (“i’ll have dinner ready at 6,” “i’ll be ready at 9,” “i’ll text you at lunchtime,” and so on.)

anything related to household chores such as “i’ll cook tonight,” “i’ll contact the plumber,” or “while you’re preparing dinner, i’ll clean up.”

you get the idea.

just say what you’ll do, and then do it.

it all helps.

action step: follow through with what you say. from small promises to major commitments, consistency is key.

you must keep your promises, no matter how small. it’s a fairly easy way to show him you’re trustworthy.

step 6: seek professional help

sometimes, despite our best efforts, we may find ourselves stuck in a rut, spinning our wheels. if you’re not making progress, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. therapists or counsellors can provide a neutral ground and professional tools to help navigate the rebuilding process.

just a thought.

tip:

seek out a couple’s therapist, not a “does it all” therapist. most counselors provide a wide range of services, with couples or marriage therapy being just one of them. i recommend finding someone who only works with couples, as a specialist will know more than a generalist.

action step: consider seeking guidance from a professional counsellor or therapist.

step 7: be patient

rebuilding trust is not a sprint; it’s a marathon. and it’s best you think long-term because, i assure you, it’ll take time. so don’t rush him or yourself. be patient and understanding. remember, you’re not just rebuilding trust but also strengthening your relationship in the process.

how long?

impossible to say, but for affairs, most specialists suggest it will take a year or so. yeah.  i know. that’s why i said it’s a marathon.

action step: practise patience.  don’t lose hope if things don’t change immediately. keep moving forward, one step at a time.

step 8: rekindle the love

while you’re working on rebuilding trust, don’t forget the love that’s the foundation of your relationship. spend quality time together, appreciate each other, and work on keeping the spark alive that brought you together in the first place.

have date nights.

send gifts at random times.

send flirty text messages…

kiss him before leaving the house, and when you return.

it’s the small things that make the biggest impact.

action step: spend quality time together. go on dinner dates, surprise him with small gestures, write love notes… bring back all the elements that initially sparked your love.

wrapping up

in conclusion, rebuilding trust in a relationship takes effort, understanding, and patience. you have to face the problem, understand your husband’s feelings, offer a genuine apology, be open and transparent, keep your promises, and be patient throughout the process. also, it’s important that you don’t forget to keep the spark alive in your relationship. do all of this, and you can regain your husband’s trust and strengthen your relationship.

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About the author: i’m a relationship coach specialising in breakup recovery. i’ve been doing this for 12+ years helping thousands worldwide. i created the Breakup Dojo, a popular program with over 1,000 members. i’ve authored several in-demand breakup recovery products, drawing from my deep fascination with psychology. i also publish the “ex-communication” newsletter that’s packed with actionable advice to over 10,000 subscribers worldwide.