Your relationship went off the rails. The love went cold, and now you yearn for the passion and fire to come back into your life.
Below we'll look at some of the things involved in how to get back with your ex and fix the mess.
Lack of communication is undoubtedly one of the biggest causes of arguments in couples.
If people knew how to communicate more effectively with each other, many more relationships would be saved.
Communicating more is not always the answer. What you communicate is key. It is essential you do not trigger your partner to react or lash out.
If they feel a need to defend themselves or have a sudden desire to leave the room…
You are doing it wrong!
Consider then what would be best for the relationship for both parties.
For example, try and speak to what they're doing right. If you only focus on what is "bad," then everyone is going to feel bad.
Play the long game!
After the Breakup
Give them ample time to cool off after the breakup.
They may not want to talk at all, which is common in the early post-breakup stage.
Avoid texting, calling, or any other forms of contact for a reasonable time frame if possible.
The point is, you want to give yourself time to reflect on the relationship.
For one, you should see if you can determine the real reason behind the separation and the source of your arguments.
After you've both cooled off, you can then try speaking to them again with your improved headspace.
If you want the other person to make the first move in saving the relationship, you risk wasting precious time.
Take some timeout, yes. As discussed above.
But do not be afraid to initiate the conversation and make the first move to mend bridges (read: should I text my ex? if you are unsure about contacting your ex.)
When you reach out, keep in mind that it isn't what you say but how you say it. Try not to blame your ex. And avoid justifying negative behavior.
Try to keep a positive tone!
Don't just say you're sorry to get them back. Acknowledge your faults and what you did wrong, and apologize for those actions.
Do not make excuses because that will only sound like a justification.
Own up to what you did wrong. You want to validate what your ex is feeling. Don't try to undermine your partners' experiences by suggesting the issues you caused are their responsibility as well!
Forgiveness means detaching yourself from the bitterness, anger, and hostility holding you back from progressing together.
Remember that forgiveness is a process and may not be something that can happen overnight.
Sometimes outside influences can brew toxicity in your relationship.
This could be your friends, in-laws, family members and co-workers and so on.
Try to keep your relationship as private as possible. Your love woes shouldn't be everyone's business. Instead of confessing your concerns to the people around you, try to re-spark the communication with your partner.
Cool Down is Always an Option
Taking a break to let off steam is always an option.
Just because you already had a break before does not mean you can not have another one!
You should take breaks whenever you need one because we say a lot of things we don't mean during heated arguments.
Breaks are your friend!
How to Save a Relationship
The above tips are fundamental. That means the advice here is important and should be at the core of your efforts to save your relationship.
Good communication is key. But just more talking is not the answer. Good communication includes knowing when to bite your lip, and knowing when to postpone tough topics for a later time.
Breaks: taking a break after a big fallout (or breakup) is almost certainly the first right step.
But after that, while contact is needed to build bridges you should still use breaks especially if things get heated or difficult along the way.
Contact: do not be afraid to initiate contact. Someone has to make the first move. And that someone can be you.
Apologise: if your ex can only think about how wronged they were when thinking of you, then you can not expect to increase their good feelings for you until after you have addressed said wrong doing!
Forgive: the opposite of this is to hold on to all the unhappy feelings. This can not bring two people closer!
Remember the above points and you will give your relationship a fighting chance to be saved.
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