The Internet is drowning in duplicate advice. So you're gonna love this:
I'm going to serve you 5 refreshingly different ideas showing you how to win your ex back. In fact, these are just a few of the lesser known "tips" that I know winners use to handle their relationship conflict.
01: Self Self Self
Did you know?
It turns out we prefer to be seen by others the way we see ourselves, for good or bad..
This is according to Bill Swann, a professor of social psychology and personality psychology, at the University of Texas, Austin.
He calls it "Self Verification Theory."
We are pulled toward people and situations that help keep our self-image alive and intact.. paying more attention to — and ACCEPTING of — feedback that mirrors our own self-view.
What should really grab your attention is how this is true no matter how healthy or negative that self-image is.
This is why someone with low self esteem will push you away if you over egg the attention and adulation that you give them (because you are NOT matching their self-image.)
If your partner, your ex, your lover or ANYONE who you want to win back.. thinks less of themselves than you think of them, you might find they push you away. You've been warned..
If you want to win someone back then consider how they might see themselves — their self-image — so you can approach them and treat them accordingly. Otherwise they may feel an overwhelming desire to move on and find someone who does see them the same way.
02: Win Your Ex Back with Invisible Powers?
I read a ho' bunch of notes yesterday on this book:
Secrets of the Millionaire Mind (by T. Harv Ecker.)
Not my notes, but another's (they're all over the web.)
—TIP— go dig up the notes others have made on a book you're interested in, and you'll quickly find the gold nuggets.
Right off the bat, I get this quote:
"If you want to change the fruits, you first have to change the roots. To change the visible, first you have to change the invisible."
Bam. That's a keeper.
And come on. Isn't that the way of things? In ALL things, too (not just in becoming a millionaire..)
You think winners don't know this?
If we want to live differently, we first must think differently. It's all mindset. Whether we're talking about love, money, contentment, or the mission of getting your ex back, it is all a mind thing first.
If you say, "I'll only be happy after I win back my ex," then you may find yourself waiting a loooong time.
Be happy first. The girl, the guy.. and all the money 'n stuff you want comes after, not before. Besides, who wants to get back with misery?
Mindset is the difference between where you are, and where you want to be. And that's where your invisible powers await you, my dear reader.
Consider upgrading the "software" running in your head so you're more persuasive and aligned with ALL the things you want in life, including your ex.
Mindset upgrade.. I tell ya, it's good to overwrite that buggy software many are running nowadays.
When you change the invisible.. you can be sure that the FRUITS change with it.
03: Don't Be Sheepish
Winning your ex back (and indeed winning at anything in life) is far easier to do once you channel and embrace your inner lion.
What on earth am I talking about?
Well, when it comes to getting results (and getting noticed) your behavior and approach to the task at hand can either be like the proverbial lion, or its opposite fella.. the undesirable sheep:
- Lion = leader, courageous, strong, noble
- Sheep = follower, timid, easily panicked, common
Which would you choose?
See, based upon the last dozen or so emails I got yesterday, about 80% were waiting for SOMETHING to happen:
- Waiting for their ex to make the first move.
- Waiting to feel better before taking action that'd HELP them feel better..
- Waiting because they didn't know what to do (and so chose option B: nothing.)
- Or waiting because it feels "safer."
I know what you're thinking.. "that's more sheep mentality than lion, right Michael?"
And how right you are!
So you won't be surprised to know that it is not a great way to approach things.
By the way? It's not that these people are silly. No way. This is simply the result of the expected behavioral response most humans will have to a traumatic experience. One that any one of us could slip into.
But fear not!
Often, a little heads up is all that's required to stop the little sheep inside, and let the lion out.
So if you've given up control lately, letting your ex lead the way (or anyone else for that matter) don't fret.
It's probably because you forgot yourself in the commotion of the break up.
You were knocked for six and didn't know what to do so you did what any sane person would.
Now, however.. by becoming aware of this you will already begin to reverse the damage and begin the process of redefining your character.
You can't expect to win his or her's heart back without first embracing your own, do you?
Quite. So grab hold of your convictions, and all you stand for.. and let that light your path ahead.
These are the qualities we admire in others, and so too will other's admire them in YOU.
It's time to let go the passive ways (sheep-like) and be proactive and in control (lion-like.)
04: Breakup Wisdom from Video Games?
I like playing video games.
In a game, who's in the center of the screen?
You are! Well, the character you control is.
So you are the center of the game world. And everything happens around you.
Turns out that's a pretty good way to approach life..
To put yourself in the center of YOUR screen.
Why do I say that?
Because it's a common mistake to put OTHER people or things in the center of YOUR screen rather than yourself.
And you know..
Putting your focus OUT THERE all the time? It's not healthy.
Spending all that time looking AWAY from yourself has consequences. You better believe me.
Do this enough and your identity fades a little..
And hear this:
The more obsessed you are with whatever you've put center of your screen..
The less of YOU there is left over.
Do it long enough and who you are — your identity — can become a distant memory.
And what takes its place is..
An identity built around the who or what that you put center in your screen.
And yes.. you're damn right I'm talking about your ex! But it could be anyone of course. Or even a thing (like a job, for example.)
But in relationship terms?
Heartbreak is letting someone consume your world who then quits your game.
It hurts like it does because what's left is emptiness.
The center of your world got up and left.
So whose on your screen now?
You see it all the time. And like I say, not just in relationships.
Like people who get their identity from the profession or work they do.
Work becomes the center of their "screen," so..
What happens when they retire? Or their job expires?
Yup. The work disappears from their screen.
And as work was up front and center.. when it's gone they lose a chunk of their identity in the process. And crash.
You're left wondering.. "who am I?"
And that hurts. There's nothing quite like it.
It's the same with anything you make more important than yourself.
Money, career, people, ex's.. anything you put in center of your screen long enough WILL cause you pain when it's gone.
And nothing is forever.
Has your ex consumed a little too much time in the center of your screen?
The antidote to all this is simple:
Don't lose sight of yourself, ever.
Retain awareness of yourself as front and center of your world, always, and your identity won't fade.
You can interact with people and things and share experiences..
But who you are will be the constant in your life.
That's your goal by the way.
And get this..
Do you know what happens when you meet a person who hasn't lost sight of who they are?
A person whose center of screen isn't a job, a person, or money or whatever..?
You admire and respect them.
You may not be able to put your finger on it, and you may not LIKE everything that person does..
But you can't deny they have a quality about them.
These people fascinate us.
And when you do the same, people will be drawn to you, too. Including your ex perhaps? Yes.. exactly.
Those with faded identities are a turn-off. Those with strong identities are magnetic.
Heartbreak is letting someone consume your world and watching them quit your game. The solution, then.. is to never let them or anybody else be the center of your world. When you do that the bonus is they want to be IN your world all the more..
Life is funny like that.
05: Cult Believe It
Many years ago I was in to martial arts. Got pretty good at it too. Enough to teach others. And did.
Only problem was? The school was dangerously close to being an all-out cult.
Once I saw the signs, I kicked the door open and hightailed it out of there.
It's been years and I've never looked back.
Now, in life you'll find lessons everywhere. If you'll look for them.
Cults and religions are fascinating on many levels. Doesn't matter where you stand on them. There are still lessons to be learned. Take for example how they do what they do and how they attract and "develop" their user base.
Because boy.. are there lessons to be had!
Pay attention: you'll want to read this if you find it hard to get through to your ex, because they're ignoring you.
Which is so frustrating isn't it? This is the person who until recently you could share your most intimate secrets with. But now you can't even sit and talk about the weather..
If you're getting the cold shoulder, that means your ex is in "repel mode." Which is to say, your ex is pre-disposed to reject you. But don't worry.. it's quite common. It's just a protection mechanism at work. Conscious or not..
What's happening here is whenever your ex thinks about you, they feel bad. And nobody wants to feel that way. And in order to make those feelings "go away".. your ex figures that the less "you" they experience, the less "bad" they feel.
Now.. if you're smart, you'll take a page out of the "cult playbook."
But which page? There are many..
Well, how about:
OK — this isn't official. Just my observation.
The idea is simple:
Start with what is accepted by your ex today ("the way things are") — their truth — and gradually and logically lead them to what isn't..
See, where people go wrong is by trying to connect and convince their ex from a very different place to where their ex is at.
But that doesn't work. You have to start with where they already are.
Of course, there's a knack to this.
But it's damn effective when you do it right.
You MUST "enter the conversation" that is already in their head. This means to see things the way they DO.. to see what they currently accept and hold to be true.. and then GRADUALLY lead them to where you want them to be.
And don't worry, it's not nasty or inherently evil unless you have some immoral end-game. Which if you do, shoo!
Concluding the Winner's Approach..
Let's wrap up, shall we?
First, I told you that your ex probably prefers to be seen the way they see themselves, whether that's positively or negatively. So beware! If you put your ex up HIGH on a pedestal, they might just be forced to look down on you.. (whoops.)
Second, remember that it is the invisible that creates the visible. So check you're not running buggy software that has that reversed. If you are? It's time to upgrade. How to tell? Well, if you're waiting to win back your ex before you'll be happy, then you're running the bad software. Be happy first. Besides, no one wants to hook up with misery, or be seen as a happy-drug.
Third, don't channel your inner sheep and expect to be treated and seen as the lion! The sheep is timid and reactionary. That's how you lose an ex. So.. switch mode! The lion's a leader, courageous, strong, and noble.. be like that, act like that, and you'll find everything becomes easier and more enjoyable.
Forth, remember the video game analogy: the character in the center of the screen = YOU. Don't let your ex, or any one else (or THING) live in the center of your world. Do this, and you'll get all the admiration and respect you want.
Fifth, and last — remember to meet your ex where they already are (mentally) even if that means agreeing with their view that you = bad. You can't modify or edit their view until you at least start on the same page.. do this and you can THEN begin to gradually help turn a no into a maybe.. and a maybe into a yes ;-)