How to Save a Relationship: What Can You Do?

Your relationship went off the rails. The love went cold, and now you yearn for the passion and fire to come back into your life.

Below we’ll look at some of the things you can do save your relationship and undo the mess.

Communication

Lack of communication is undoubtedly one of the biggest causes of arguments in couples.

If people knew how to communicate more effectively with each other, many more relationships would be saved.

Communicating more is not always the answer. What you communicate is key. It is essential you do not trigger your partner to react or lash out.

If they feel a need to defend themselves or have a sudden desire to leave the room…

You are doing it wrong!

Consider then what would be best for the relationship for both parties.

For example, try and speak to what they’re doing right. If you only focus on what is “bad,” then everyone is going to feel bad.

Play the long game!

After the Breakup

Give them ample time to cool off after the breakup.

They may not want to talk at all, which is common in the early post-breakup stage.

Avoid texting, calling, or any other forms of contact for a reasonable time frame if possible.

There is a reason every article you read mentions the no contact rule (although there are caveats to that rule which you can learn about here.)

The point is, you want to give yourself time to reflect on the relationship.

For one, you should see if you can determine the real reason behind the separation and the source of your arguments.

Psst: for an overview of all the steps involved in saving a relationship, click here →

After you’ve both cooled off, you can then try speaking to them again with your improved headspace.

Initiate

If you want the other person to make the first move in saving the relationship, you risk wasting precious time.

Take some timeout, yes. As discussed above.

But do not be afraid to initiate the conversation and make the first move to mend bridges.

And when you reach out, keep in mind that it isn’t what you say but how you say it. Try not to blame your ex. And avoid justifying negative behavior.

Try to keep a positive tone!

Apologize

Don’t just say you’re sorry to get them back. Acknowledge your faults and what you did wrong, and apologize for those actions.

Do not make excuses because that will only sound like a justification.

Own up to what you did wrong. You want to validate what your ex is feeling. Don’t try to undermine your partners’ experiences by suggesting the issues you caused are their responsibility as well!

Forgive

Forgiveness means detaching yourself from the bitterness, anger, and hostility holding you back from progressing together.

Remember that forgiveness is a process and may not be something that can happen overnight.

External Influences

Sometimes outside influences can brew toxicity in your relationship.

This could be your friends, in-laws, family members and co-workers and so on.

Try to keep your relationship as private as possible. Your love woes shouldn’t be everyone’s business. Instead of confessing your concerns to the people around you, try to re-spark the communication with your partner.

Cool Down is Always an Option

Taking a break to let off steam is always an option.

Just because you already had a break before does not mean you can not have another one!

You should take breaks whenever you need one because we say a lot of things we don’t mean during heated arguments.

The above are fundamental. That means the advice here is important and should be at the core of your efforts to save your relationship.

🤔 Does Your Ex Miss You?

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Today I’m sharing: The 7 Dead-Giveaway Clues an Ex Misses You.

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“My girlfriend and I broke up last week. I followed your instructions and we are back together” — Erick Nelson

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About the author: Michael Fulmer founded undoabreakup.com in 2011. He gives breakup recovery advice to clients all over the world. To help more people, he has also produced online programs showing men and women how to create their best chance of saving the relationship.