Should you tell your ex you are going no-contact for a while? This question stirs up a whirlwind of emotions for many people. If you’re in this position, allow me to clear the air for you: No, you don’t need to tell your ex. Why? Because “no-contact” is not some spectacle you need to announce to the world. It’s an inward decision, a boundary you’re setting to focus on healing and taking care of yourself.
💡 Remember, actions speak louder than words. When you declare your intentions, you often dilute the power behind your actions.
My experience? I’ve been helping individuals navigate these murky waters for over a decade. And trust me, it’s a lot more effective to simply do what you plan to do rather than discuss it.
🚨 However! This doesn’t mean you can be rude or disrespectful. Nor should you stop using your head to THINK about possible exceptions. Context is key. For example, if the main reason your ex left you was because you were “avoidant” and withdrawn, it might be smarter to TELL them. You know, flip the script, do the opposite to what they expect rather than further their negative view of you. So, you might say: “Hey, I’m stepping back to clear my mind, so if I’m silent for a while, that’s why.” No big deal. You’re just being smart here.
Making a Clean Break
Listen, while going no-contact can be an empowering decision, it’s normal to feel hesitant about cutting ties so abruptly. You’ll be tempted to give your ex a heads up, offer an explanation, or end things on a positive note. I get it. But unless you have a good specific reason, don’t bother. It could backfire on you. Your ex could see it as a snub or “game playing.” Or it’ll start an argument that leaves you both worse.
So, make a clean break.
Now, if you live together, you’re going to need to coordinate moving out logistics in a matter-of-fact way. Return belongings without drama. You get the idea. And sure, you might unfriend or unfollow your ex on social media so you’re not tempted to check in. But you still don’t need to announce your plans.
Also, ask mutual friends not to pass along updates. It’s cleaner this way, trust me.
The idea here is to quietly create space for healing. Not loudly! To focus energy on self-care rather than prolonging or announcing your departure. Relief will come when you fully commit to investing in yourself. Going silent allows that process to begin.
In a nutshell, the no-contact rule can be a vital tool in your recovery toolkit, whether you’re looking to reconcile or move on. It offers you the space and time to heal and rediscover your strength.
But just do it. Start the no-contact rule without announcing it to your ex. The only person who needs to know about this decision is you.
And remember, in this healing journey, you’re not alone. Be strong and brave. It’s your time to focus on you 👍