I cannot stress enough the value of self-improvement after a breakup. Breakups leave us feeling vulnerable and doubting our self-worth. However, they also provide an opportunity for reflection, growth, and transformation. By focusing on self-improvement, you can not only heal from the breakup but also emerge stronger, more confident, and more self-aware.
Of course, when you improve yourself, you also become more desirable. So, when your ex sees or hears about the positive changes you’ve made, they will be more open to giving you a second chance. Keep in mind, though, that self-improvement is not something you do solely to win your ex back. Your top goal is to become a better version of yourself, regardless of the outcome with your ex.
That said, I’m going to tell you how you can improve yourself in ways that will also make you more attractive.
Sound good?
Let’s do this.
Table of Contents
Build Confidence
Confidence plays a huge role in attraction, as it reflects a strong sense of self-worth and composure. When you’re confident, you’re more likely to take risks, assert yourself, and make decisions that align with your values and desires. These qualities are inherently attractive, as they convey that you know your worth and are not solely reliant on anyone else for validation. By building your self-confidence, you can reignite the spark of attraction between you and your ex (and anyone else.)
To boost your self-esteem and self-worth, start by identifying and challenging your negative beliefs. For example, if you believe that you’re not good enough for your ex, challenge that belief by listing all of your positive qualities and achievements. Then, make a plan to work on areas where you feel you could improve. This will help you feel more confident and attractive in your own skin.
“Stinking thinking” will not help you. You should aim to replace your negative thoughts with positive affirmations. For instance, instead of thinking “I’m not smart enough for my ex”, say to yourself “I am intelligent and capable, and my ex is lucky to have me in their life”.
Another thing I recommend is to set realistic goals for yourself and celebrate every accomplishment, no matter how small. In fact, starting small is smart. For example, if you know it would be healthy to start the day with a glass of water, then do so! It’s a small thing. But it’s a start. Another example might be to take a five-minute walk after dinner each night. These small actions may seem insignificant, but they can lead to bigger changes over time. By starting with small habits, you can build momentum and eventually tackle larger goals with greater ease. Remember, every little bit counts towards creating a healthier and happier lifestyle.
Here’s another tip: When you talk to your ex, aim to be confident without coming off as cocky or bragging. To do that, maintain eye contact, listen attentively, hold yourself up straight and proud, and speak your mind. So long as you are not rude, it’s fine. And be sure to show interest and ask questions. By projecting confidence, you’ll not only be more attractive to your ex, but you’ll also feel more empowered in your interactions with them.
Get Smarter with Emotions
Having a solid grasp of your feelings will make all of your relationships easier. Some call it “emotional intelligence,” which sounds fancy. But really, it just means honing the ability to understand the role emotions are playing in your interactions. See, if you can understand your emotions and the emotions of other people, you can work through arguments, talk in a way that really gets your point across, and understand where your ex is coming from. This all makes for a tougher, better bond. So, if you work on getting better at handling emotions, you might even be able to understand your ex on a deeper level, and who knows? This might just open up a chance for you two to patch things up.
Getting better at spotting and handling your feelings takes a few steps. First off, you’ve got to keep tabs on how you’re feeling and do so without judgement. Practise mindfulness and meditation to stay present and attuned to your emotional state.
Next, figure out how to keep your emotions in check. This could be about finding healthy ways to deal with stress, anger, or feeling blue. For example, you could try writing in a diary, doing deep breathing, and getting exercise.
Finally, you can try to understand other people’s feelings better. This means really listening when they talk and trying to see things from their point of view. This will help you understand why they feel the way they do and see things from their perspective.
The better you get at “emotional intelligence,” the better you will be at understanding your ex’s needs, worries, and feelings. By being more aware of how they feel, you can talk in a way that makes them feel heard. If your ex feels you understand them, they will feel closer to you, which can increase the chances of a successful reunion.
Get Better at Talking and Listening
Being a better talker and listener helps to build trust, understanding, and emotional closeness. By getting better at these skills, you can tackle old problems and say what you want and how you feel in a way that’s easy to understand. All of which build a solid foundation for making up with your ex.
To get better at listening and talking, try something called active listening. This simply means giving the other person your full attention, looking them in the eyes, and asking questions so they talk more. Being a good active listener means you don’t interrupt or jump to conclusions. Instead, respond with kindness and show that you get how they’re feeling. And when you’re talking, use “I” statements to share your feelings and needs without pointing fingers at your ex. Also, try to keep your message simple and straight to the point, and pick your words wisely to avoid any mix-ups or misunderstandings.
To recap, when you chat with your ex, show them that you’ve been working on your communication skills by really listening, speaking clearly, and keeping things respectful. Be ready to talk about old issues and current worries while showing kindness and understanding. Show that you understand how they’re feeling and own up to any mistakes or slip-ups you’ve made. By showing off your improved communication skills, you’re telling your ex that you’re serious about building a healthier, more open relationship, which might just pull them back into your life.
Make Yourself Happy
People are drawn to those who seem confident, self-reliant, and happy. So, by focusing on bettering yourself and doing things you love outside of a relationship, you show that you can be happy by yourself. This could be attractive to your ex, as it takes the pressure off them to be your only source of emotional support or approval.
So, what do you do? Well, to put it simply, set some goals for yourself and really go for them. Maybe you want to learn more, get ahead in your job, or dive into a creative project. Pick a worthy goal and get busy pursuing it. Also, make time for hobbies and activities that make you happy, because they can make your life richer and help you figure out who you are. By working on yourself, you not only become more interesting but also feel better about yourself and proud of what you’ve achieved.
Spending time and effort on personal growth brings good changes to your life that can also be good for your relationship with your ex. By becoming more confident and sure of yourself, you’ll be better at dealing with the ups and downs that come with any relationship. Your new hobbies and achievements can also spark fun conversations and help you reconnect with old friends. Plus, as you get to know yourself better, you can set healthier boundaries and expectations with your partner. All of which helps your ex see you as a more attractive proposition.
Fix Past Mistakes
One way to attract your ex is to show that you’ve learned from your relationship mistakes and are ready to change for the better. Think about the events that led to the breakup and pick out the spots where you could’ve handled things differently. It’s like doing a replay of a sports match and identifying where you dropped the ball. By owning up to these slip-ups and standing by your actions, you’re sending a clear message to your ex: “Hey, I am working to be better at this!”
Of course, fixing past mistakes will also help you grow and improve in all your relationships, not just with your ex. And that’s the only kind of work you want to invest in —the kind that raises your value regardless of what happens with your ex.
Get Your Mind and Body in Shape
If you want to be a positive force in your relationship and in the world, you’ve got to be in good shape, both in your head and in your body. Let’s face it, if you let your mental or physical health slide, you’ll find yourself dealing with more stress and mood swings and finding it tougher to bounce back. All this can make life a bit of a drag. But by taking care of your mental and physical health, you’re building a sturdy base for everything you do, and that includes sparking things up again with your ex.
Now, you’re probably wondering how to do this. Well, you need to get into habits that make your mind and body feel good. This could mean getting plenty of exercise, eating right, getting enough sleep, and finding ways to handle stress like meditation or writing your thoughts in a journal. And remember, it’s okay to ask for help if you’re having a tough time with your feelings. Friends, family, or even a therapist are all good options. Taking care of yourself first shows you value your own well-being, and this can help make any relationship more steady and caring.
Let your ex see that you’re committed to a healthier way of life by actively working on your mental and physical health. Talk about the things you do to look after yourself, how you deal with stress, and how these changes have boosted your life. Be open about your well-being and cheer each other on to keep up the healthy habits. By showing you’re serious about living healthier, you’re laying a rock-solid foundation for a fresh start with your ex, and showing them you’re all about making positive changes that stick.
Get Professional Help If Necessary
Self-improvement is often possible through personal work and thought, but there are times when you may need professional help. If you have unresolved emotional problems, concerns about your mental health, or patterns of behaviour that hurt your relationships, you might want to think about therapy or counselling. Knowing when to get help from a professional shows that you are strong and self-aware, and that you are committed to your growth and the success of your relationships.
Therapy or counselling can help you figure out how to deal with personal problems, improve your relationships, and start doing healthier things. A mental health professional can help you figure out how you feel, figure out patterns of behaviour that don’t help, and come up with ways to deal with stress and feel better. Couples therapy or relationship coaching can also help you and your ex learn how to talk to each other better, solve problems, and build trust.
As you learn new skills and gain new insights from professional help, it’s important to use what you’ve learned when you talk to your ex. Share with your ex your experiences and the lessons you’ve learned, and show how these changes have made your life and the way you think about relationships better. By applying the skills and insights gained from therapy or counselling, you can show your ex that you’re committed to personal growth and dedicated to creating a healthier, more resilient relationship.
Show Your Ex the New You in a Genuine Way
Let’s be real for a second. While all of this effort is for your benefit, you still want your ex back. And that’s understandable. So, you’ll be happy to know it won’t hurt your chances to let your ex see how much you’ve grown. But it’s a delicate dance. You want to show your ex the new you in a genuine way. That means showing them you’ve changed without seeming like you’re showing off.
Consider how you can share the things in your life that best show your growth most naturally. Less is more here. There’s no need to overstate your achievements and make a big deal of them. In fact, it’s better to let your ex discover your changes rather than be bluntly told. Dropping hints on social media that you know your ex will read is one idea.
If you get the chance to open up about your growth, keep an eye on how they react. Look for signs they’re interested or supportive, like starting up conversations, asking questions, or cheering you on. But if your ex doesn’t seem to be responding well, you might want to think about whether it’s the right time to be sharing your self-improvements or if something else might be bothering them. Remember, lighting up an old flame takes time, patience, and effort from both sides. Keep focusing on your own growth and understand that your ex might need some time to soak in and appreciate the new you.
Wrapping Up
So, wrapping it all up, working on being a better you is really key to winning back your ex and rebuilding a healthier, more satisfying relationship.
Let’s not forget that personal growth isn’t a one-and-done deal; it’s a constant journey with always a bit more road ahead. Keep investing time and effort in yourself, learning from what life throws at you, and always pushing to be the best you that you can be. This dedication to growth will not only boost your chances of getting back with your ex, but it’s also a big win for your overall well-being and happiness.
And, remember, self-improvement isn’t just about getting back with your ex. It’s about making you happier and more fulfilled. By focusing on your own growth and well-being, you’ll be in a great position to build strong, long-lasting connections with everyone in your life, including your ex. So, stay committed to your journey of self-improvement and have faith that when you and your ex are both ready and willing, the right relationship will fall into place.
