Avoiding Common Mistakes When Trying to Win Your Ex Back

Hey there, my friend. I know you’re here because you’re in pain and desperately want to win back the love of your life. Breakups can be devastating, and it’s only natural to want to fix what’s broken and rekindle that special connection. But before you dive headfirst into this journey, I want to help you avoid some of the common pitfalls that can make things worse rather than better.

Let’s face it when it comes to winning back an ex, there are countless pieces of advice floating around out there, and it’s easy to get lost. That’s why I’m here to provide some guidance and support, ensuring you don’t unintentionally sabotage your chances of getting back together.

In this post, we’ll discuss the top mistakes people make when trying to win their ex back and how you can sidestep these common missteps. Remember, it’s not just about what you do, but also about what you don’t do. So, let’s dive in and help you on your way to a happier, healthier, and more successful reunion with your ex.

Mistake #1: Rushing to Contact Your Ex

I get it, you’re hurting, and the urge to pick up your phone and call or text your ex is almost unbearable. But wait! Pump the brakes. This is where so many people falter. Reaching out too soon can be seriously counterproductive. Why, you ask? Let’s break it down.

When a breakup is still fresh, emotions are running high, and both you and your ex are likely feeling a whirlwind of feelings. If you contact your ex right away, you’re more likely to say or do something that you might regret later on. Plus, your ex might still be angry or upset, which means they may not be in the best state of mind to have a productive conversation.

Giving space and time for reflection is crucial. It allows both you and your ex to process your emotions and gain a clearer perspective on the situation. This time apart also helps you understand what went wrong and what needs to change if you want to make your relationship work in the future.

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Stepping back and allowing some breathing room can make your ex miss you and reflect on the positive aspects of your relationship. So, resist the urge to contact them immediately and focus on self-improvement and reflection. Trust me, it’s worth the wait.

Mistake #2: Letting Your Emotions Dictate Your Actions

When you’re in the throes of heartbreak, it’s easy to let your emotions take the wheel. Unfortunately, acting on impulse and letting your feelings drive your decisions can lead to negative outcomes. Emotional decisions are often irrational and can push your ex further away rather than bring them closer.

For example, you might be tempted to send a barrage of angry or tearful messages, demanding explanations or begging for another chance. While this might provide temporary relief, it’s likely to damage your chances of reconciliation. Your ex may perceive your emotional outburst as a sign that you’re not ready for a healthy relationship, and it might solidify their decision to stay apart.

So, what should you do instead? Focus on maintaining composure and rationality. Allow yourself to feel and process your emotions, but don’t let them dictate your actions. When you’re feeling overwhelmed, take a step back, breathe, and consider the potential consequences of your actions. Reach out to friends or family for support, or consider seeking professional help if needed.

By maintaining control over your emotions, you can make better decisions and demonstrate to your ex that you’re capable of handling difficult situations maturely. In the long run, this will significantly improve your chances of winning them back and rebuilding a strong, healthy relationship.

Mistake #3: Trying to Make Your Ex Jealous

It’s a common misconception that making your ex jealous is an effective way to win them back. In reality, employing jealousy tactics often backfires and can push your ex even further away. Here’s why:

When you try to make your ex jealous by flirting with someone new or posting pictures on social media with an attractive “friend,” you’re sending the message that you’ve moved on and are no longer interested in your ex. This can make your ex feel insecure and lead them to believe that there’s no hope for a reconciliation.

Moreover, jealousy can bring out the worst in people, causing them to act impulsively and make rash decisions. Your ex might decide to date someone new to “get back” at you, which only adds more drama and heartache to an already painful situation.

Instead of playing jealousy games, focus on self-improvement. Use the time apart to work on yourself, grow, and become a better version of who you were in the relationship. Hit the gym, pick up a new hobby, or spend time with friends and family who lift you up.

By demonstrating genuine growth and self-improvement, you’ll show your ex that you’re a strong, confident person who’s capable of change. This approach is far more attractive and effective than trying to provoke jealousy. Remember, the goal is to win your ex back with love and understanding, not by playing mind games that can ultimately hurt both of you.

Mistake #4: Neglecting Your Own Needs and Well-Being

In your quest to win your ex back, it’s all too easy to become completely absorbed in the process and forget about taking care of yourself. However, neglecting your own needs and well-being is a major mistake that can hinder your chances of a successful reunion with your ex.

Self-care is essential during this time. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup. You need to be in a healthy and stable emotional state to navigate the complexities of rebuilding a relationship. By prioritising your well-being, you’ll not only feel better, but you’ll also be more attractive to your ex and better equipped to handle the challenges that come with rekindling a romance.

Here are some tips for focusing on personal growth and mental health during this process:

  1. Exercise regularly: Physical activity is a great way to relieve stress, improve mood, and boost self-esteem. Make time for regular workouts, whether it’s hitting the gym, going for a run, or practising yoga.
  2. Eat well: Nourishing your body with healthy foods is crucial for maintaining your energy levels and overall well-being. Avoid emotional eating and make an effort to choose nutritious meals.
  3. Get enough sleep: Don’t underestimate the power of a good night’s sleep. Aim for 7-8 hours per night to ensure you’re well-rested and better able to handle emotional challenges.
  4. Connect with loved ones: Lean on your friends and family for support. Talk to them about your feelings, seek their advice, and enjoy their company to help take your mind off the breakup.
  5. Practise mindfulness: Engage in mindfulness techniques, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises, to help you stay present and maintain control over your emotions.

By taking care of yourself and focusing on personal growth, you’ll be in a much better position to win your ex back and create a healthier, happier relationship moving forward.

Mistake #5: Ignoring the Root Causes of the Breakup

One of the biggest mistakes people make when trying to win their ex back is overlooking the root causes of the breakup. It’s tempting to focus solely on getting back together, but without addressing the underlying issues that led to the separation, history is likely to repeat itself.

To rebuild a healthy, long-lasting relationship, it’s essential to understand and resolve the problems that contributed to the breakup. This might involve reflecting on your behaviour, acknowledging your ex’s feelings, and identifying areas where you both need to grow and change.

Here’s some guidance on fostering open communication and rebuilding trust to address the root causes of the breakup:

  1. Be honest with yourself: Take a hard look at your actions and behaviours that contributed to the breakup. Own your mistakes and be willing to work on self-improvement.
  2. Listen to your ex: Make an effort to truly understand your ex’s perspective and feelings. Validate their emotions and show empathy, even if you don’t agree with everything they say.
  3. Communicate openly: Establish open lines of communication with your ex, and discuss the issues that led to the breakup. Be honest about your feelings, fears, and expectations moving forward.
  4. Apologise and forgive: Offer a sincere apology for your role in the breakup and be willing to forgive your ex for their mistakes. Remember, forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting; it means letting go of resentment and bitterness.
  5. Work together to find solutions: Collaborate with your ex to come up with strategies for resolving the underlying issues. This might involve setting boundaries, attending couples therapy, or working on individual personal growth.

By addressing the root causes of the breakup and committing to making positive changes, you’ll be on the path to rebuilding a stronger, healthier relationship with your ex. Remember, winning them back is just the beginning; the real work lies in nurturing and maintaining a loving partnership.


As you embark on the journey to win your ex back, it’s crucial to avoid common mistakes that can jeopardise your chances of success. To recap, these missteps include:

  1. Rushing to contact your ex
  2. Letting your emotions dictate your actions
  3. Trying to make your ex jealous
  4. Neglecting your own needs and well-being
  5. Ignoring the root causes of the breakup

Avoiding these mistakes not only increases the likelihood of a successful reunion with your ex but also helps you grow as an individual and build a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Remember, patience and persistence are key during this process. Winning back an ex doesn’t happen overnight, and it requires hard work, self-reflection, and genuine change. Stay committed to your goal, but also be prepared to accept the possibility that things may not turn out as you hope. Focus on becoming the best version of yourself, regardless of the outcome.

As you navigate this challenging journey, know that you’re not alone. I understand the pain and heartache you’re experiencing, and I’m here to offer support and guidance. Keep moving forward and trust in the belief that, one way or another, you’ll find happiness and love again.

Warning: Do Not Try to Get Your Ex Back Until AFTER You Use This Free Tool…

I’ve made a free “thing” that gives you “ah ha!” tailored next step instructions to help get your ex back.

No email required.

Hey. It’s not fancy. But based on your situation, you’ll be presented with a “prescription” of what to do next.

try it out! 👀

About the author: i’m a relationship coach specialising in breakup recovery. i’ve been doing this for 12+ years helping thousands worldwide. i created the Breakup Dojo, a popular program with over 1,000 members. i’ve authored several in-demand breakup recovery products, drawing from my deep fascination with psychology. i also publish the “ex-communication” newsletter that’s packed with actionable advice to over 10,000 subscribers worldwide.