Did My Ex Ever Love Me? These Three Factors Reveal Everything!

Ever found yourself asking, “Did my ex ever love me?” Maybe it’s that niggling doubt creeping in, or perhaps something your ex did recently that’s thrown you for a loop. I know it’s tough, especially when you’re grappling with a breakup.

Don’t worry; I’ve got your back.

To help you decipher the enigma of love, I’ve dissected it into three key aspects:

  1. Actions
  2. Language
  3. Presence

This trident will serve as your compass, guiding you through the foggy landscape of love, letting you judge for yourself if what you had was real.

So let’s buckle up and dive in:

#1. Actions

We’ve all heard it said, “Actions speak louder than words.” It’s an oldie but a goodie because it’s true. So, let’s start with your ex’s actions during the relationship. Did they:

  • Surprise you with gifts?
  • Casually hold your hand in public or private?
  • Frequently change plans to make space for you?
  • Arrange special outings just for the two of you?
  • Whip up your favourite meals?

I’m sure I’ve missed some obvious examples.

Can you identify any actions that your ex either stopped doing or did less of towards the end of the relationship?

If so, that could reveal a loss of love and attraction for you.

Tip: Under the category of actions, you can also include the efforts they make in their overall appearance, and the frequency of taking showers, etc. These are all clues!

Now, it’s important to remember that as relationships mature, people often reduce such actions out of familiarity or comfort. It doesn’t necessarily signify a lack of love.

But if they abruptly stopped doing these things, it might indicate a shift in their feelings. We’re creatures of habit after all, and any sudden change could be revealing.

#2. Language

Next up, we’ve got language or, more broadly, communication. What did your ex’s words convey?

Reflect on your conversations. Were they keen to know how you were feeling? Did they frequently express their feelings for you? Were they as open and honest in the beginning as they were towards the end?

Of course, men certainly differ to women on the communication front. But that is for another article. What we are more interested in here is whether the pattern of language between you both changed? And if so, when?

Typically you will notice this most in face-to-face exchanges. Especially when you combine it with the 3rd factor, which we’ll touch upon in just a moment.

With communication, you may —for example— note subtle changes in telephone calls. Not just in frequency (which is more of an action example,) but in the choice of words and general openness to communicate with you.

Of course, we don’t just talk on the phone or face-to-face. So, you might also note differences in their text messages to you, and in the emails.

Did the wording (and therefore meaning) change?

Observe how the communication and language between you both evolved (or devolved) throughout your relationship, especially of late.

An open, sharing, and intimate communication style signifies trust and a deep connection, strong indicators of love. But remember, love comes in all shapes and sizes. For some, verbal affirmations may not be their go-to method to express love.

#3. Presence

Ever felt a disconnect even when everything seemed fine on the surface? That’s what we call a lack of presence.

Your ex’s presence or attitude towards you is like the undercurrent that ties their actions and language together. It forms the core of their behaviour towards you. When someone genuinely loves you, their presence feels warm, comforting, and real. If your ex seemed distant or preoccupied, it might have suggested a shift in their feelings.

This, out of the three, is the aspect that is the most telling.

Caveat: Annoyingly, while feelings can be useful, they can also mislead. If you’re upset, or if something has happened to cause you emotional angst then their usefulness as a tool to guide diminishes.

So, there you have it:

A trifecta of love—actions, language, and presence.

But remember:

Tread Softly

Look, this isn’t a bulletproof blueprint, but rather a compass to help you navigate the turbulent seas of reflection. It’s alarmingly easy to misread signs or project our desires onto realities, painting them in the hues we crave to see.

Shifts in your ex’s actions, language, or presence might spotlight glitches in your erstwhile relationship. Yet, remember, correlation does not always imply causation. These fluctuations might not be directly tied to their feelings for you.

Before you leap to conclusions, pause for a moment. Mull over other elements that might have tweaked their behaviour. Were they grappling with personal demons, drowning under stress, or wrestling with health complications?

Suppose you’re dead certain the changes were about your relationship. In that case, potential culprits for their waning interest could be:

  • Your habits that rubbed them the wrong way;
  • Lingering trust issues;
  • Misreading your intentions;
  • The dull hum of relationship monotony.

End note: relationships are not etched in stone. They’re ephemeral, just like us. If your ex’s feelings for you dissolved, strive for understanding, glean the lessons, and then bravely march ahead.

On a closing note, take a good, hard look in the mirror. Reflect on your own actions, language, and presence in the relationship. This introspection can be your roadmap to self-improvement, paving the way for healthier, happier future relationships.

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About the author: i’m a relationship coach specialising in breakup recovery. i’ve been doing this for 12+ years helping thousands worldwide. i created the Breakup Dojo, a popular program with over 1,000 members. i’ve authored several in-demand breakup recovery products, drawing from my deep fascination with psychology. i also publish the “ex-communication” newsletter that’s packed with actionable advice to over 10,000 subscribers worldwide.