Unfortunately a significant number of marriages will end in divorce (some 40% or more, depending on the Country and year that you check.)
That’s a lot of backtracking.
I’m sorry that you now find yourself part of that statistic.
But fear not…
Because there is hope you can get back with your wife, even after a divorce.
Just as your ex-wife changed her mind from “I do” to “I don’t,” she may just as *easily change it again later.
* she may not easily change her mind, perhaps, but she has just as much right to as anyone else!
And look at it this way:
Plenty of separated couples — including divorced couples — have found their way back to one another.
Hardly a rarity.
Also, men throughout history, the world over.. have walked this very same path you now do. And we know that more than none found their way back into bed with their spouse (literally and figuratively,) so who’s to say you won’t?
So, maybe it’s not too late after all.
And therefore, should that spark still be there for you (even if not for her) then you must not let the pain and turmoil of a messy divorce erase the fact from your memory that couples do reunite.
OK, you get the point.
Let’s now look at some of the steps you can take to win your ex-wife’s heart all over again.
Figure Out What Really Went Wrong
Don’t yawn and close the page just yet.
Everyone tells you this, right? Sure. But for a good reason. So why not replay the events of your marriage — especially those leading up to the separation — and see what you can learn?
Be a detective investigating a case…
Find (or pick) a moment where it went wrong, and then poke around some more to see if that was the first time “it” went wrong.
What can you learn?
Can you spot an underlying issue?
Remember, it is not always about “the thing” that we argue about.
Sometimes, it is about something else, something deeper, like a prior disagreement or unresolved hurt feeling which then gets dragged into the present moment.
If you take the time to investigate the dynamics of your relationship, you may be surprised by what you find.
Your marriage likely had more than one flaw. And, you may be unaware of the precise mistakes you made that contributed to the bitter end.
This is normal.
But, if you persist and dig deep, you will find enough examples of where and how things went wrong between you both.
From there, you will better understand how the reality of her asking for a split came to pass.
This could prove very useful in your future.
For example, if on reflection you noticed you tended to try and control your ex then you will want to adjust your behavior moving forward, so they do not feel at all smothered or manipulated by you.
The point is…
If you want to get your ex-wife back, you will need to put effort into finding out — and understanding better — what she perceived as “the reason why I must leave him.”
You then want her — when the time is right — to feel loved and respected so that she may see, “the reason why I want him back.”
This is hard to do when you don’t understand her perspective, or attempt to.
Tip: Show her you know what you did wrong, and that you want to make amends through your actions more than your words.
Showing her the changes she wants to see is smart, sure. But, please find the reason to do it for yourself first, as this way it will be more rewarding for you and more meaningful for her as a result.
You do not want her to think you are changing only to get her back!
Of course, this is not easy to do. And, if you should feel it is too much effort to do, then perhaps you need to reconsider what you want (e.g., whether to move on without her.)
If you think she’s worth it, however, then you will put in the work for the chance to reconcile and start over.
Show Her Respect and Love
Some men forget how to attract a woman, while other’s never had much of an idea to begin with.
Either way, it never hurts to know how to woo your lady.
Looking back, it is easy to see how we get comfortable in a marriage. We relax and stop trying so hard. Plus, it doesn’t help that modern life keeps us on our toes with obligations and challenges.
It is no wonder that we forget the responsibility we have to care for one another, and that we neglect to nurture that all important “spark” that two people in love have.
After breaking up, it only becomes more critical then, to deepen her respect and attraction toward you at every opportunity you get.
Show her that you deserve her and that you care, and let her believe that the story of “us” is still being written.
It is time to raise your game and show the world what you have to offer…
Nothing is stopping her from moving on to another, especially not your wedding vows. But neither is anything stopping her from reconsidering your position in her life.
It will take time, of course, and you cannot win her heart over in a day. But, you can win her over a little more each day, and with each interaction that you have (hint: follow my how to get your ex back map to keep on track.)
Use every encounter to demonstrate the qualities she looks for, and gradually you may find her estimation of you changes to match.
Gain Her Respect (Again)
A woman will not stay in love with a man who hasn’t both gained and retained her respect.
The love your wife once had for you probably still exists, somewhere deep inside. You just need to remind her of what was compelling about you in the first place.
Sometimes, the romance hasn’t completely died, it’s just that she’s not as attracted to you as she remembers.
And usually there is something blocking that attraction. That’s all.
So if you can remove the blockage, the attraction will flow again. And often, such a block is found when we stop looking at things purely from our perspective, which is vital if you are to break down her emotional walls any time soon.
If you do that and also remind her why she fell for you in the first place, then you may be surprised by how quickly she may replenish her feelings for you.
Human emotions are in motion (e-motion) so they really can change. That means if the attraction is gone and the respect is lost, it does not mean things will stay that way.
With effort, there are ways to change how she thinks of you, and therefore restore the connection you used to have.
Show Her The New and Improved You
If you have the opportunity, and you have already taken a strategic break from her then take her out!
Get her to go on a date with you. Though do not call it “a date” (as it may trigger a negative response.)
The point is, having worked on improving yourself, it is time to show her what you’ve done.
Let her see the evolved and updated you, the “you” she has been missing out on.
See if you can casually invite her to dinner or a nice lunch to catch up. This could be the most significant part of getting her back and is your chance to woo her again. To flirt, tease, and remind her of your first dates together back when things were casual, and you were swooning over each other.
This will send sparks flying.
After your divorce, it may have felt like the odds were stacked against you. However, keep in mind that legal divorce and emotional divorce are not the same thing.
What do I mean?
Well, if you could choose between having a loving and happy relationship (unmarried) and a cold and depressing marriage, you would surely choose the happy unmarried relationship?
Therefore, the divorce — and not being married — is not the critical part here.
The emotional part of the relationship is the real part. Not the legal part.
If you win her heart back, it won’t matter if you are divorced or not.
And if you’re not ready to give up? Then it isn’t over yet.
Use the above ideas to understand better what needs addressing, and use your time to improve yourself. Do this well, and you naturally enhance your position with your ex-wife, and therefore the chances you both will reunite.
I wish you luck.