Should I Text My Ex?

You're staring at your phone. Finger hovering. Should you text them?

Maybe. But timing is everything.

Text too soon and you look desperate. Text too late and the window closes. Text with the wrong energy and you dig yourself deeper.

This guide walks you through when to text, what to avoid, and how to rebuild connection without torching your pride in the process.

The Core Question: Are They Still Angry?

Before you send anything, ask yourself one question:

Have the bad feelings faded?

If your ex is still angry, hurt, or defensive, texting won't fix it. It'll trigger more resistance.

Wait until emotions cool. That doesn't mean they need to miss you desperately—it just means they're not actively resisting you anymore.

How long does that take? Depends on the breakup drama.

Low drama (mutual breakup, no cheating, respectful ending): 2-4 weeks
Medium drama (fighting, blame, cold ending): 4-8 weeks
High drama (infidelity, betrayal, explosive fights): 8-12+ weeks

These aren't rules. They're starting points. Your job is to read the room—or in this case, read the emotional temperature.

When to Text (and When Not To)

✅ When to Text

1. After enough space
A few weeks minimum. More if the breakup was messy. Space lets emotions settle and resets the dynamic.

2. On special occasions (if time has passed)
Birthdays are fine—if you've given them space first. A "Happy Birthday" text 3 days after a breakup? That's not thoughtful. That's intrusive.

3. When they're not actively angry
If they blocked you, deleted all your photos, or told mutual friends they never want to hear from you again—they're still angry. Wait.

❌ When NOT to Text

1. Right after the breakup
The dust needs to settle. Period.

2. When they're still mad
Anger creates resistance. Resistance kills reconnection.

3. If the relationship was abusive
Move on. Seriously.

4. When you're acting from neediness
If you're texting to feel better, stop. That's emotional dependence, not connection.

5. If they refuse to share any blame
Relationships fail for two reasons. If they can't see their part, reconciliation is pointless.

6. To avoid your own pain
Don't use them as a painkiller. That's not love—it's avoidance.

7. If they explicitly asked for space
Respect it. Violating boundaries doesn't make you romantic. It makes you exhausting.

What NOT to Text

Here's where most people blow it.

They overthink. They overexplain. They apologize in 14 paragraphs.

Don't.

Avoid these like the plague:

• No fake "accidents" ("Oops, sent this to the wrong person")—you're not 12
• No complaints ("This has been so hard on me")—not the vibe
• No asking for replies ("Please respond" = desperation)
• No serious relationship talks (save heavy convos for in-person)
• No "I'm thinking of you" (too vulnerable, too soon)
• No begging (destroys pride—yours and theirs)
• No apologies by text (if it needs an apology, it needs a real conversation)
• No one-word texts ("Hey" = low effort)

When you text, your goal is simple: make them feel good, not pressured.

Your First Text: Keep It Light

Your first contact should be low-stakes and non-emotional.

Think of it as cracking the door open—not kicking it down.

Examples:

• "Randomly remembered when we [shared funny memory]. Hope you're doing well."
• "Quick question—do you still have that Thai place recommendation you mentioned?"
• "Hey, I've been thinking about things and wanted to reach out. No pressure to respond, just wanted you to know."

Notice what these aren't: needy, heavy, or demanding.

They're light. Friendly. Pride-safe.

The Psychology of Texting Your Ex

Texting is easy. That's why it works.

It's low-pressure compared to calling or showing up. It gives them space to respond when they're ready—or not at all.

But texting has downsides too:

• You can't hear tone (misunderstandings happen fast)
• It's easy to get boring (small talk can only carry you so far)
• It lacks emotional depth (can't rebuild intimacy through screens alone)

So yes, start with texting. But don't stay there.

What to Do While You Wait

Here's the move most people miss:

Use the waiting period to actually improve yourself.

This isn't about performing for your ex. It's about becoming someone you respect.

Try this:

1. Start a project (learn a language, fix something you've been putting off)
2. Get obsessed with a new skill (cooking, fitness, creative work)
3. Travel (even just a weekend trip resets your mindset)
4. Reconnect with friends (breakups make you isolate—fight that)
5. Move your body daily (physical momentum = emotional momentum)

Why does this matter?

Because when you finally do text, you want to be texting from a place of strength—not scarcity.

Building Back Connection: The Progression

If they respond positively, here's the path forward:

Step 1: Text Once or Twice a Week

Keep things light. Ask about their life. Share something interesting about yours. Don't bring up the relationship.

Your goal: rebuild positive associations. Make them remember why they liked talking to you.

Step 2: Move to Calls

After a few weeks of good texting, suggest a call.

"Want to catch up over the phone sometime this week?"

Casual. No pressure.

Step 3: Suggest a Low-Stakes Meetup

Calls lead to meetups. But start small.

Coffee. A walk. Something quick and public.

Don't call it a date. Don't make it heavy.

"Want to grab coffee Saturday? Been wanting to catch up properly."

Keep it simple.

Handling Tricky Situations

If They're Dating Someone New

Rebound relationships rarely last.

Why? Because people bring baggage. The issues that broke you up didn't disappear just because someone new showed up.

Stay in light contact. Don't push. Let time do its thing.

If You're Blocked

Email works.

Keep it short. Don't explain. Don't grovel.

"Hey, I know things ended rough. Just wanted to reach out and see if you'd be open to talking sometime. No pressure either way."

Your goal: restart communication—not win an argument.

Well, that's the short version. I talk more about what to do when your ex has blocked you elsewhere. More indepth. Definitely worth reading.

The Bottom Line

Texting your ex can work. But only if you do it right.

Right timing. Right energy. Right intentions.

Don't text from desperation. Don't text to feel better. Don't text to "fix" things overnight.

Text to crack the door open. Then let the connection rebuild naturally.

And if they don't respond? That's data too.

Move forward with your pride intact.