About Undo A Breakup and Michael Fulmer
Author Bio
Michael Fulmer has been writing about breakups and recovery since 2011, when he founded undoabreakup.com. Trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy (Level 1 & 2), he's spent that time helping people worldwide come through heartbreak with their footing intact — through the site and through his personalised 1-on-1 coaching.
With a long-standing interest in psychology, Michael brings an evidence-based approach to his writing and coaching.
He currently lives in England, where he runs a boutique online advice business.
Helping People Through Breakups Since 2011
Hello — I'm Michael Fulmer. For the past decade and a half I've been helping men and women through the worst part of a breakup.
I love learning about human relationships, and my background sits mostly in two areas: psychology and communication.
What I do isn't about engineering a particular ending. It's about helping you come through this with your integrity and your real options intact. Sometimes that includes reconciliation — but as something that happens honestly, if it happens, not a result you force. A reunion produced by counterfeit moves has to be maintained by counterfeit moves, and that's no life to sign up for. So the work is the pain of the breakup first, and the relationship only where that's genuinely the right call — and yours to make.
If you want actionable "do this" advice, you're in the right place. I'm more coach than counsellor.
This site is the main part of that: plain, direct help, most of it free. I also work with clients directly.
"You've actually changed my life…"
Helping people is inherently rewarding —
Since seeking your mentorship, I've focused more on my business, found value in myself, and have learned to be happy, grateful, and emotionally stronger. You've actually changed my life, and for that I'm in debt to you
Hi Michael, I wanted to thank you for your innate kindness and wisdom. While the impetus for approaching you was a breakup, to my surprise, your approach was far more holistic and caring.
Your advice is practical and direct. It reflects a profound understanding of relationships and how to repair.
Names withheld for client confidentiality.
Focus on What You Can Control
When you put my advice into practice, you're working on the things that are actually in your hands: how you show up, how you recover, how clearly you can see your own situation. That's the position worth aiming for — the best footing you can give yourself, whatever you end up deciding to do.
I can't calculate the odds of any particular outcome, and I wouldn't trust anyone who claims they can. What I can do is help you stop pouring energy into the parts you don't control and put it into the parts you do.
Why Trust Me?
As @Kpaxs so eloquently tweeted:
Knowing isn't doing. Certificates aren't competence. A plan isn't implementation. Ideas aren't invoices. Revenue isn't profit. "No" isn't the end.
I earned my competence by doing the work, in the trenches, since 2011.
A Never-Ending Journey
No matter how long I spend in this field, there's always more to learn. I've spent thousands of hours doing what I do. And if you ask anyone who's gone deep into human relationships whether they've found the bottom, you'll hear something interesting — there isn't one. That's my view, anyway: being an expert doesn't mean you stop learning. As your knowledge grows, so does your awareness of how much more there is.
Timeline
Here's a rough timeline:
- Sometime between 2010–2012 I launched an affair-survival website (now retired), helping women cope with betrayal and navigate the decisions that followed — and where someone was set on saving their marriage, I referred them to Dr. Gunzburg, Ph.D, a licensed psychologist;
- I then created a simple email series for people dealing with the trust issues and "mental torment" that often follow an affair;
- Around the same time I launched another site — on breakup recovery — which is the one you're reading now;
- From there I built and launched a full breakup recovery program in 2015, which now has over a thousand members.
Some of this was part accident and part "what if…", but it's all been rewarding.
Thanks for all of your insights and tough love, for giving it to us straight, and for offering most of your advice for free. I could have gotten through my break-up without you, but I would have been twice as miserable with half the personal growth
client
Who Am I?
I'm a relationship coach, "breakup recovery expert," or "husband who sits at his desk a lot," depending on who you ask. I'm 46, happily married, and I live in the south-west of the UK. Those who know me know I'm a private person, so I keep myself to myself — "Michael Fulmer" is a pen name, though everything else here (the training, the years, the work) is exactly as described. Online, we live in a time where sharing photos and personal details is expected to build trust and familiarity. As someone governed by principles, I accept the tradeoff.
Hi Michael, I wanted to thank you for your innate kindness and wisdom. While the impetus for approaching you was a breakup, to my surprise, your approach was far more holistic and caring. You showed genuine concern for all parties. A breakup is difficult and you're not interested in quick-fix tricks but in helping people have a richer relationship; indeed a richer life. Your advice is practical and direct. It reflects a profound understanding of relationships and how to repair. You do not shy away from awkward questions. You're able to inspire a way forward: to bring out the best in ourselves.
client
I'll leave you with this…
You deserve the life you design. So design the life you deserve.
(Though you know there's no such thing as "deserve"? It's a human-made concept, not a law. People get hung up on it, like justice — it's self-made. So go create what you're after.)
OK…
Thanks for reading.
In your corner,
Michael Fulmer