About Undo A Breakup and Michael Fulmer
Author Bio
Michael Fulmer has been writing about breakups and recovery since 2011, when he founded undoabreakup.com. Trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy (Level 1 & 2), he writes for people going through a breakup and works with some of them directly through 1-on-1 coaching.
He has a long-standing interest in psychology.
He lives in England.
Helping People Through Breakups Since 2011
Hello — I'm Michael Fulmer. Since 2011 I've been helping men and women through the worst part of a breakup.
I love learning about human relationships, and most of what I read and think about sits in two areas: psychology and communication.
What I do isn't about engineering a particular ending. It's about helping you come through this with your integrity and your real options intact. Sometimes that includes reconciliation — but as something that happens honestly, if it happens, not a result you force. A reunion produced by counterfeit moves has to be maintained by counterfeit moves, and that's no life to sign up for. So the work is the pain of the breakup first, and the relationship only where that's genuinely the right call — and yours to make.
If you want actionable "do this" advice, you're in the right place. I'm more coach than counsellor.
That also means some of what a breakup does is past what I can help with. If you're not sleeping, not eating, can't get through the day, and it isn't easing, see a doctor or a therapist, and tell someone close to you what's going on. For a lot of people that's a better call than anything I offer.
If you're thinking about hurting yourself, don't wait: contact a crisis line or emergency services now.
This site is the main part of what I do: plain, direct help, most of it free. I also work with clients directly.
In Clients' Words
Since seeking your mentorship, I've focused more on my business, found value in myself, and have learned to be happy, grateful, and emotionally stronger. You've actually changed my life, and for that I'm in debt to you
Names withheld for client confidentiality.
Focus on What You Can Control
When you put my advice into practice, you're working on the things that are actually in your hands: how you show up, how you recover, how clearly you can see your own situation. That's the position worth aiming for — the best footing you can give yourself, whatever you end up deciding to do.
I can't calculate the odds of any particular outcome, and I wouldn't trust anyone who claims they can. What I can do is help you stop pouring energy into the parts you don't control and put it into the parts you do.
Why Listen to Me?
I've done this since 2011, I've had the training above, and I've worked with a lot of people going through breakups. That's the honest case for listening to me, and it isn't proof. Nobody reading an advice site can see what's going on behind it, and that includes this one.
So don't take any of it on trust. Use what makes sense for your situation, leave what doesn't, and keep the decisions yours.
A Never-Ending Journey
No matter how long I spend in this field, there's always more to learn. I've spent thousands of hours doing what I do, and I haven't found the bottom of it. I don't think anyone who goes deep into human relationships does. Doing this a long time doesn't mean you stop learning. As your knowledge grows, so does your awareness of how much more there is.
Timeline
Here's a rough timeline:
- Sometime between 2010 and 2012 I launched an affair-survival website (now retired), helping women cope with betrayal and navigate the decisions that followed — and where someone was set on saving their marriage, I referred them to Dr. Gunzburg, a licensed psychologist.
- I then created a simple email series for people dealing with the trust issues and "mental torment" that often follow an affair.
- Around the same time I launched another site — on breakup recovery — which is the one you're reading now.
- From there I built and launched a full breakup recovery program in 2015, which has had over a thousand members.
Some of this was part accident and part "what if…", but it's all been rewarding.
Thanks for all of your insights and tough love, for giving it to us straight, and for offering most of your advice for free. I could have gotten through my break-up without you, but I would have been twice as miserable with half the personal growth
client
Who Am I?
I'm a relationship coach, "breakup recovery expert," or "husband who sits at his desk a lot," depending on who you ask. I'm happily married, and I live in the south-west of the UK. Those who know me know I'm a private person, so I keep myself to myself — "Michael Fulmer" is a pen name, though everything else here (the training, the years, the work) is exactly as described. Online, we live in a time where sharing photos and personal details is expected to build trust and familiarity. I'd rather you judged the advice than the face, and I accept that costs me some of that trust.
Hi Michael, I wanted to thank you for your innate kindness and wisdom. While the impetus for approaching you was a breakup, to my surprise, your approach was far more holistic and caring. You showed genuine concern for all parties. A breakup is difficult and you're not interested in quick-fix tricks but in helping people have a richer relationship; indeed a richer life. Your advice is practical and direct. It reflects a profound understanding of relationships and how to repair. You do not shy away from awkward questions. You're able to inspire a way forward: to bring out the best in ourselves.
client
Whichever way this goes for you, the part worth getting right is the part that's yours: coming through it as someone you respect.
Thanks for reading.
In your corner,
Michael Fulmer