Turn Towards Instead of Away

March 2025

“Turning towards” is about responding positively to your partner’s bids for emotional connection. It’s a crucial habit for building and maintaining strong relationships.

What Are Bids?

Bids are attempts to connect. They can be:

  • Verbal (questions, comments)
    • Physical (touch, gestures)
      • Emotional (seeking support)

        Why Turning Towards Matters

        • Builds emotional bank account
          • Increases feelings of trust
            • Strengthens overall connection
              • Predicts relationship satisfaction

                Three Ways to Respond to Bids

                • Turn towards: Engage positively
                  • Turn away: Ignore or miss the bid
                    • Turn against: Respond negatively

                      Examples of Turning Towards

                      • Partner: "Look at that beautiful sunset."
                        • You: Stop what you're doing and look, then comment.
                          • Partner: Sighs heavily.
                            • You: "Is everything okay? Want to talk about it?"
                              • Partner: Reaches for your hand.
                                • You: Hold their hand and give a gentle squeeze.

                                  Practice Turning Towards

                                  • Be aware of bids
                                    • Respond positively, even briefly
                                      • Make it a habit
                                        • Repair missed bids

                                          Benefits of Consistent Turning Towards

                                          • Increased emotional intimacy
                                            • Better conflict management
                                              • Higher relationship satisfaction
                                                • Stronger friendship in the relationship

                                                  Remember, small moments of connection build strong relationships over time. Practice turning towards your partner’s bids every day.