How to Get Your Ex-Girlfriend Back: 6 Steps to Win Her Back

Discover the proven steps to get your ex-girlfriend back with this “breakup reversal” guide. Use these strategies to win her over and make her want you again.

Let’s unpack this.

Step 1: Give Her Space So She Can Miss You

First, give her plenty of space. She will have intense feelings for you and the relationship, and she may even act hostile. Yet this is no problem if you are not invading her space or calling her phone every ten minutes. So take a break from contacting her, so she has a chance to cool off, miss you, and wonder how you are.

A girl sat waiting for a response

Without space, she will push you away and know she made the right decision to break up with you. After a decade of helping men win back their girlfriends, I know what works. You must spend some time apart before you can get her back. If you do not have any time apart, she can not miss you. You must give her a chance to miss you and to wonder if you miss her.

How much time are we talking about? And what if she contacts you? And can you do this if you live together? My complete guide to giving your ex space will answer these questions and more. In short, if you are not living together, you want to give her at least 7–10 days of radio silence.

Step 2: Get Your Head Clear and Make a Strategic Plan

Use the time apart to clear your head and create a strategic plan to win her back. At the minimum, you will have one week without interruption from your ex-girlfriend to gather your thoughts, blow off steam, and read up a little on what to do.

Gather your thoughts: After you get hurt, you will feel different. It might be hard to do things that you used to do. You might not want to do anything at all. But after a while, everything goes back to the way it was before.

Blow off some steam: The best way to reduce stress levels is through challenging or exciting physical activity, outdoor pursuits and hanging out with friends.

Read up on what to do: If you’re going to succeed with winning her back, then it is crucial to update the “software running in your head” on how to do so. For example, my Breakup Dojo program will fast-track the process for you. And. This page and others on this website will also improve your knowledge and baseline chance of getting her back.

Keep reading for a simple plan.

Step 3: Show Her How Unconquered and Free You Are

Eliminate all signs of neediness and desperation, and prove to her that you remain unconquered. If you get drunk every night, mope around, and play the victim, you show her and everyone else how weak you are. You must not let the breakup beat you into submission.

Understand: When your girlfriend dumped you, she had already lost attraction for you as loss of interest is the most common problem for guys. If you are to turn the tables on your ex, you have to demonstrate attractive qualities. You have to break the pattern. Otherwise, if you act desperate and hopeless and let yourself go, your girlfriend will be glad she is your ex.

The biological reality is that women want a dominant and strong man who can be the provider and protector. If you are weak and needy, she will feel more like your mother, and that’s not sexy.

Again: You must demonstrate that she doesn’t own you and that you are enjoying your freedom.

Now listen closely because this next paragraph is important:

You must not directly tell her how unfazed and happy you are. Do not break contact to do this. Instead, you want to send indirect signals which she can pick up on. That way, she can continue to have space from you while your value goes up.

Group of women enjoying a party together

Have fun and capture the moments to share on your social media profiles.

Tip: Social media can be a powerful tool for shaping perceptions, but it’s important to use it wisely and authentically. If you want to portray a fun lifestyle on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc., post photos of yourself with friends having fun. If you want your ex to think you are spending time with other women, talk about the places where desirable women hang out. And yes, photographic evidence will multiply the effect.

Women are more attracted to men who other women also find attractive. It is called “preselection.” And it is a biological fact. Do you want to boost your value? Help your ex to think you are getting attention from other women. You do not need to date other women; you only need to give the impression that you could.

Step 4: Reconnect with Your Ex-Girlfriend in an Attractive Way

After giving her space for at least seven to ten days, break contact and reconnect with her. But know this: While she will be curious about you, she will be reluctant to show it. Be prepared for her to be sceptical and guarded. The solution? You have to reconnect with her in an engaging and attractive way.

Your ex-girlfriend receiving a stress-free message

An excellent way to reconnect with your girl is by sending a text message. Texts are easy to deal with, and they do not have the same pressure as talking in person or on the phone.

You want your first text message to be super easy and low-pressure for your girlfriend to receive. Keep it light and stay away from sensitive topics. You do not want to mention the relationship or what went wrong.

Your text messages should have the following qualities:

  • Non-provocative
  • Stress-free
  • Non-confrontational
  • Upbeat
  • Funny/witty
  • Easy-going, and easy to respond or ignore (good to have a choice to start with)
  • Short

You should use your first message to find out how hot or cold your she is toward you. It is a data-gathering exercise.

Your send one message, and you wait for her response. You do not send multiple messages. And you do not follow up with a call or knock on her door.

Tip: Use her reaction to your message to inform your next step. For example, if she is cold or non-responsive, she likely needs more time. In which case, the best course of action is to carry on with life and send another message a week later. On the other hand, if she replies, then you can engage in a short text conversation.

Step 5: Attract Her Back by Building Good Feelings

The key to attracting her back is ensuring she feels good whenever she hears from you. If she feels good when interacting with you, she will be more inclined to do it all the more. Do it enough, and you can do more exciting things together, like talking on the phone and eventually meeting up. Your approach can make all the difference in how she responds to your messages. If you build enough good vibes with her, she will doubt her decision to break up with you. At this point, you will be in the prime position to make your move.

Most guys do not realise that you can’t turn a no into a yes without a maybe in between.

You need to wait until she thinks, “Maybe I was wrong” or “Maybe I should give him another chance” before you make your move and ask her.

One of the biggest mistakes men make is ignoring the “maybe” part.

If you try to force your ex to say “yes” before she’s thought “maybe,” stop and reconsider.

If you obsess with changing her no into a yes, you will miss the bridge that connects the two. And without that bridge, you will fall into the water as she moves on with life.

I can not stress enough that moving your ex closer to a “yes” must be done gradually.

For example, here is how the process might play out:

  1. There is no interaction at all, and she wonders about you.
  2. You break the ice with a fun, relaxed message.
  3. You both have infrequent bursts of conversation over text.
  4. She initiates some of the time, and you do the same thing.
  5. You call her on the phone for short, fun, engaging conversations.
  6. After “more of the same,” you casually suggest meeting up in the afternoon for coffee.
  7. After “more of the same,” you go for walks and tease her a bit.
  8. Now you are flirting over text and on the phone, and make further plans to meet up.
  9. One day she invites you over for a bite to eat (or you invite her)
  10. You direct things towards the bedroom…

Note: If you can get the opportunity to sleep with your ex-girlfriend, you should do so. Sleeping together builds a ton of positive emotions in her.

Step 6: Get Your Ex-Girlfriend to Chase and Corner You

Never tell your ex that you want her back. Make her chase and corner you instead. You want her to believe you have other options, and she must act soon or lose you.

Your ex-girlfriend looking out the window, unsure what is happening

When she fears losing you, you can win her back. Her fear of losing you contrasts sharply with her feelings when she broke up with you. She must shift from wanting you gone to fearing another woman might take you away.

Again: To want you back, she has to see you as a man who another girl could steal.

As you spend more time with her and continue the approach from Step 5, look for signs that she wants more from you. It will become apparent from how she looks at you, smiles, and touches you (we do not touch people we do not like.)

When you recognise the signs, respond in kind. Show her you want the same thing, but don’t verbalise it. Don’t let her off the hook. She must work for you. Make her chase and corner you. When she nudges you into an exclusive relationship, you’ve sealed the deal.

Oh, and remember, getting back together is just the beginning. To make the relationship work this time, you’ll need to address the issues that led to the breakup in the first place.

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About the author: I’m a relationship coach with a focus on breakup recovery. I’ve been doing this for 13 years, helping thousands of people worldwide. I created the Breakup Dojo, a popular resource with over 1,000 members. I’ve authored several in-demand breakup recovery products, drawing from my deep fascination with psychology. I also publish the “Ex-Communication” newsletter, providing over 10,000 subscribers worldwide with actionable advice.