How to get your ex-girlfriend back — You’ve got this

Did your girlfriend break up with you? Does it feel like she has broken up with you for good? Hold that thought. You can get your ex-girlfriend back, and I’m going to show you how.

Let’s look at what’s ahead…

On a sunny day, a couple are standing in a pose on a yacht. The man is wearing a smart blue suit, his girlfriend is wearing a green dress. They stand next to each other, her hand on his arm.

Reality check: You’re supposed to feel like crap

Getting dumped sucks, so you will feel bad for a while. You are supposed to be sorry and sad about it because that is how people overcome the loss of love in their lives. For now, accept what has happened and know that it will be hard for a while longer.

The good news?

Your pain and sadness will not stay with you for long. And your mood will improve. I know it’s hard but trust me on this one.

Know this: Breaking up can make you feel sad and hurt. If you are doing bad things, like hurting yourself, you should talk to someone about it.

If you feel like you don’t know which way is up and life has singled you out? You are experiencing a typical reaction to rejection. It’s OK.

Don’t feel ashamed or embarrassed.

Take heart. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. In any setback lies the opportunity to build strength. After all, it is through adversity that we grow.

While you wouldn’t choose the path of hardship for growth? That does not mean your future self won’t appreciate the improved you that comes OUT of it.

Let’s move on.

It doesn’t matter what your chance is; it only matters what you do

If you want to win your ex-girlfriend back, don’t waste your time debating what your chances will be. Instead, fixate on what you can do to give yourself the best hope.

Making the right moves is more important than debating what your chances are.

All you need to know is that you have a chance. It does not matter if that chance is high or low; you will still fight for your ex.

Men in every crazy situation you can imagine have won their girl back. The odds don’t matter. Making the right moves does.

Also, whatever your chances are will be raised or lowered by your actions. That means, with the right help, your odds of success will improve.

Whatever your chances are, it can be changed (downwards or upwards) because this is not a fixed thing.

So if you FEEL you have little chance, it needn’t remain so.

And by the way?

If you are right for her and capable of a loving and fulfilling relationship, I would love to help you make it happen.

Bottom line?

Play it right, and play it smart. Then you’ll have a better chance than those who believe following their gut instinct is the way forward.

Never let your feelings take control and lead your actions. This will worsen your chances. It is the emotions that lead to erratic and regrettable actions.


Let’s look at how to stop pushing your girlfriend away, and wanting nothing more to do with you (ouch.)

I’ve helped hundreds of clients get back their ex-girlfriend over the years, so I know a thing or two.

Win her back by making incremental smart moves

To get a girl back after a breakup, aim to win her over gradually, so by the time she doubts her decision, you are in a prime position to make your move.

You can’t turn a no into a yes without a MAYBE in between.

Pay close attention to the paragraph above.

Reread it, and you will notice the sentence has a ring of truth to it.

Burn it into your brain!

One of the biggest mistakes men make is ignoring the “maybe” part.

We desire so much to change her no into a yes that we miss the bridge that connects the two.

It’s all or nothing (and usually that results in nothing.)

This is what happens when we operate more on passion than on smarts…

If you are trying to get your girlfriend to say “yes” before she’s thought “maybe,” stop and reconsider.

The risk is you may trigger her descent into a “never again” state.

Moving your ex-girlfriend closer to a “yes” must be done gradually!

Apologise if you hurt her

Breakups don’t happen for no reason. They are the result of a decision, motivated by an action.

If that action does not resolve itself? There will be distance between you for a good while to come. Especially if you are holding on to an apology.

Speaking of which: if you hurt her, apologise. Let her know you take responsibility for the pain you caused.

You can’t expect romance to blossom while she is hurting over what you did AND not getting an apology!

If you’re thinking she has a short memory and will forget what you did? Think again 🙂

Tip: if you did something especially painful, like you cheated on her? Sleeping around is not something you should expect forgiveness for any time soon. In general, the bigger the sin, the longer you should wait before trying to mend things.

If she is hurting, don’t push for a second chance!

As I said:

Moving your ex-girlfriend closer to a “yes” must be done gradually

The message is clear: you need to take this slowly.

OK, let me share a lesson that may help…

A cult lesson to get your GF back

Many years ago I was into martial arts. I got pretty good at it. Enough to teach others. And did.

The only problem was? The school was close to being an all-out cult.


Once I saw the signs, I kicked the door open and hightailed it out of there.

It’s been years, and I’ve not looked back.

In life, you’ll find lessons everywhere. If you’ll look for them.

For example:

Cults and religions are fascinating on many levels. It doesn’t matter where you stand on them. There are lessons to be learned. Take for example how they do what they do and how they attract and “develop” their user base.

Because boy… are there lessons to be had!

If you find it hard to get through to your ex-girlfriend because she is ignoring you, pay attention:

Which is frustrating isn’t it? This is the lady you could share your intimate secrets with. But now you can’t even sit and talk about the weather…

OK —

If you’re getting the cold shoulder, that means she is in “repel mode.” Which is to say, she is pre-disposed to reject you. This is normal and nothing to worry about. It is her protection mechanism at work. Conscious or not…

When your ex-girlfriend thinks about you, she feels terrible. And nobody wants to feel that way. And to make those feelings “go away” your ex figures the less “you” she experiences, the less “bad” she’ll feel.

Make sense?


If you’re smart, you’ll take a page out of the “cult playbook.”

But which page? There are many…

Well, how about:

“Gradualism” —

OK — this isn’t official. Just my observation.

The idea is simple:

You start with what is accepted by your ex today. “The way things are” —her truth— and gradually and logically lead her to what isn’t.

Guys go wrong trying to connect and convince their ex-girlfriend from a different place to where she’s at.

But that doesn’t work. You have to start with where she already is.

Make sense?

Of course, there’s a knack to this.

But it’s effective when you do it right.

(When you try to force your view onto her, you will only push her away.)

You MUST “enter the conversation” already in her head. This means to see things the way she does. To see what she currently accepts and holds to be true. And then GRADUALLY lead her to where you want her to be.

And don’t worry, it’s not nasty or evil unless you have some immoral end-game. Which if you do, shoo!

Basic advice for dealing with her

It is essential you can relax and show control, even if inside you are screaming! The mistake many guys make is to fuss over their ex-girlfriend. In an attempt to get her attention and reassure her everything is going to be different or better.

This is not the time for reassurance, and depending on how long ago you broke up, it may not be the time for any contact at all.

As a general rule, the nearer in time it is to the fallout, the further your hand should be from making a phone call.

The safe thing to do is hang back and keep out of her way.

Did you know? Repeated exposure will intensify whatever dominant emotion she has toward you. And as it is likely this emotion will be negative, it makes no sense to feed it.

There is much I could say, but the bottom line is simple: don’t do anything to make your ex-girlfriend feel crowded by you. You do not want her to see you as a pest as it’ll slow your progress, both in the short and long term.

Now, you might be tempted to ask her friends or family if she misses you or to see how she is doing. But this is not a good idea.

Why? Because one way or another she is probably going to hear about this. And even though you were asking her friends and family and not her? She may feel uncomfortable that you did.

She won’t like being talked about in this manner.

Rather than fixate on her at this time, you should put the focus on the man in the mirror…

Get yourself back?

As you will not be chasing your ex-girlfriend or spying on her or her friends through social media? You just freed up a bunch of time for yourself.

Handy 🙂

What you have is an opportunity to attend to all the things you couldn’t before.

Here are a few ideas:

  • Spend your time with those you neglected during the relationship. Say yes to invites. Remind your old friends why you are friends in the first place, and make new ones to boot. This is not the time to close yourself off from the world.
  • How about getting in better shape? Exercise is good for your mood as well. So do whatever you like to do.. go running, cycling, swimming, whatever floats your boat.
  • You could take up classes in something you’ve always fancied doing, but never got round to. Or resume a hobby you let slip? (If you don’t FEEL like it, challenge yourself to show up regardless. Chances are you won’t feel like doing anything anyway…)
  • Start something! A tiny side business, a blog, or learn a language, play guitar, whatever you want… and in particular? Becoming a man on a mission is inherently attractive to your girlfriend.

Simple things, right?

Don’t underestimate the power of simple. Getting back to the basics in life. The difference between winning and losing often comes down to the small things. The simple and basic things.

Just get started. You don’t have to rush this, just start.

Going slow is how you feel better fast.

To win her back: The most important thing

Very few people are aware of this. It may as well be a secret!

The most attractive thing in a man is his passion and drive. Not his looks or wealth.

If you want to improve your chances with her, or with any woman? Get busy pursuing a mission or big-goal that is important to you. If you do this, you will become more attractive and intriguing to her as a matter of course.

The secret not 1 in 100 knows is the more passionate you are in life, the more desired you’ll be by those around you.

This is how you may turn the tables. The opposite? Not having any goals or passions, or giving them up. Come on. You can understand how this would weaken your position, and motivate your ex to stay your ex.

What’s your goal? What do you care about? And what mission will you pursue?

How to get your ex-girlfriend back: TL;DR

Let’s cover the highlights in a handy checklist:

  • Acknowledge this is a tough time where you will not be entirely yourself.
  • Be compassionate with the man in the mirror.
  • Take comfort in knowing you will become stronger through adversity even though misfortune is unwelcomed right now.
  • Have hope: Couples from all backgrounds have reunited.
  • Don’t obsess over statistics and chances — you have a chance, and it matters more what you do with it.
  • Don’t learn more than you APPLY.
  • Don’t leave the chance of reconciliation to luck.
  • You can’t turn a no into a yes without a maybe in-between. Embrace incremental progress, don’t try to jump the gun, and you can be together again.
  • Consider what your ex-girlfriend ACCEPTS today, and meet her right there.
  • Remember that the connection you make with her is everything.
  • If she is feeling good, use the opportunity to associate that with you.
  • If she is feeling bad, stay clear.
  • Don’t make a fuss, don’t chase, and don’t spy on her.
  • Be obsessed with yourself and the betterment of yourself.
  • Pursue a mission, or start one — girls love guys who have a cause or mission.

Refer to the above checklist to keep you on the right path.

Play your cards right, and the question of how to get your ex-girlfriend back will be easier to answer.

🙋‍♂️ Oh, and just one more thing:

Is your ex thinking about you and having second thoughts? 👀

How about I give you three strong signs your ex is having second thoughts and wants you back?

Up to you 🤷‍♂️

If you want to know more…



About the author: Michael Fulmer is a breakup consultant and relationship coach. He publishes the Ex-Communication newsletter to inboxes all over the world. He also runs the Breakup Dojo, where he teaches you to make the right moves and outwit your ex’s negative feelings. Michael has been repairing breakups since 2011. Working alone, no fancy suits, shooting videos or posting fake smiling photos. You won’t find Michael featured on Youtube (for now…)