How to Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex

Ever found yourself scrolling endlessly through your ex’s social media profiles? Or replaying old memories in your head while staring blankly at the ceiling? Or perhaps you’ve even reached out to them one too many times, much to your chagrin. My friend, you’re in what we call the “Ex Obsession Zone.” Which sounds quite intense, doesn’t it?

Let me break it down for you.

The “Ex Obsession Zone” is a state where you’re unable to let go of your ex emotionally and mentally. It’s as though you’re trapped in a whirlwind of past memories, deep longing, and a persistent sense of loss.

In the “Ex Obsession Zone,” your ex occupies your thoughts to an unhealthy degree, which can lead to obsessive or controlling behaviour. This could manifest in several ways, such as:

  • Spending hours trawling through their social media profiles, even when it brings you pain.
  • Repeatedly reliving memories of your time together, especially the good times, thereby idealising the past and overlooking the reasons why the relationship ended.
  • Engaging in excessive conversations about them with your friends or family.
  • Unsuccessfully trying to rekindle the relationship when it’s clear the approach you are using won’t work.
  • Neglecting your personal growth, happiness, or future prospects because you’re so focused on them.

Here’s the deal:

When you’re obsessing over your ex, it feels as though you’re stuck in a loop, unable to move forward. You’re not just missing your ex; you’re essentially allowing the breakup to dominate your life, thoughts, and feelings.

But remember, the “Ex Obsession Zone” is not a life sentence; it’s merely a phase that many of us go through following a painful breakup. And like any phase, it can be overcome with the right mindset, strategies, and support.

In this post, we’re going to tackle how to break free from this zone and reclaim your life.

Let’s do this.

Acknowledge Your Feelings, Don’t Feed Them

It’s normal to feel upset after a breakup. Embrace that. It’s part of the healing process. But there’s a vast difference between acknowledging your feelings and feeding them.

Say you miss your ex. Fine. But if you fuel that by rereading old texts, stalking their social media, or imagining scenarios where you get back together, that’s feeding the obsession. Stop right there! No good ever came from feeding that monster.

Challenge Your Inner Critic

Everyone has an inner critic. This is that little voice inside your head that loves to focus on your insecurities and doubts. It can amplify your fears and paint a bleak picture of your life after the breakup.

When it comes to dealing with your ex, your inner critic might be telling you things like, “I can’t live without them” or “I’ll never find someone as good.” But, trust me, these are not facts; they’re fear-based thoughts. You lived before them, and you’ll live after them.

Recognise your inner critic; understand it’s just a fear-based part of you, but don’t let it run the show. Challenge it, confront it, and replace it with healthier, more constructive thoughts. In doing so, you’ll be well on your way to freeing yourself from that obsession with your ex.

Replace Your Obsession with a Mission

Find something that lights a fire within you. That could be learning a new language, picking up a new hobby, pursuing a business idea, or travelling. It’s time to do the things that you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time.

Your mission is to become a better version of yourself. Let your breakup be the catalyst for growth. Obsess over your potential, not your past.

Choose Consciously

Every time you feel the pull towards old habits, choose consciously. If you don’t, you’ll end up unconsciously choosing, and that, my friend, is where your reptile brain loves to reside.

The unconscious choice is usually the easy way out, like picking up your phone to text your ex. Whereas, when you consciously choose, you make decisions that your future self will thank you for.

Remember, many who fail to move on from their ex choose the easy, reflexive route instead of choosing what they’d genuinely prefer to do. Don’t be that person.

Give Yourself Time and Grace

Healing takes time, and it’s different for everyone. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re not “over it” as quickly as you’d like. One day, you will wake up and realise that they don’t occupy your thoughts anymore, and you’ll feel lighter. Until then, be patient with yourself.

Now, let me be frank. If you’re reading this, it shows you’re ready for change, ready to move on, and ready to stop obsessing over your ex. That’s already a huge step.

But you don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re struggling, consider getting help. Get the support you need, preferably from someone who understands what you’re going through.

Here’s a Reality Check…

You may still stumble along the way; we all do. It’s part of being human. But every stumble is a step forward if you’re willing to get back up.

Also, remember that you can’t fight what you can’t see. So, once you acknowledge these tendencies, you’re already well on your way to winning the fight against obsession.

I hope that makes sense.

Of course, time is the greatest healer. But time combined with deliberate action? You’ll be unstoppable. Remember, life is about progress, and progress is all about dealing with reality.

About the author: i’m a relationship coach specialising in breakup recovery. i’ve been doing this for 12+ years helping thousands worldwide. i created the Breakup Dojo, a popular program with over 1,000 members. i’ve authored several in-demand breakup recovery products, drawing from my deep fascination with psychology. i also publish the “ex-communication” newsletter that’s packed with actionable advice to over 10,000 subscribers worldwide.

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