What if You Bump Into Your Ex During No Contact?

Bumping into your ex during no contact? Don't panic. I'll show you how to handle it like a pro.

No contact means cutting all communication. It helps you heal. It gives your ex space. But life happens. You might see them.

The 30-Second Game Plan

When you spot your ex, you have about 3 seconds to decide your move.

Here's what to do:

1. Breathe. Deep breath in. Hold. Exhale slowly. This stops panic.

2. Assess. Are they alone? With friends? With someone new? Did they see you?

3. Decide: Acknowledge or avoid?

If they haven't seen you: It's okay to leave. You're not obligated to interact.

If they have seen you: Acknowledge them. Brief and polite.

Never: Duck behind something or run away. It looks ridiculous and damages your pride.

What to Say (Exact Scripts)

Keep it simple. Here are your options:

The Quick Nod

If you're passing by:

• Make eye contact
• Nod or small smile
• "Hey" or "Hi"
• Keep walking

That's it. No stopping. No conversation.

The Brief Exchange

If they stop you or you're stuck in the same space (elevator, checkout line):

Them: "Hey, how are you?"

You: "Hey! I'm good, thanks. How about you?"

Keep your answer to one sentence. Then:

• Ask one polite question about them
• Listen briefly
• Exit gracefully

Example:

Them: "Good, yeah. How's work?"

You: "Busy but good. How's [their thing you know about]?"

Them: [Answers]

You: "Nice! Well, good seeing you. Take care."

Then leave.

If They Want to Talk

Sometimes they'll try to extend the conversation.

Them: "Do you have a minute? Can we talk?"

You have two options:

Option 1 (You're not ready):

"I appreciate that, but I'm not in a good place for this right now. Maybe another time."

Option 2 (You're curious):

"Sure, for a few minutes. Want to grab a coffee?"

Only choose option 2 if: - You've completed at least 2-3 weeks of no contact - You're emotionally stable - You can handle any outcome

Otherwise, stick with option 1.

What NOT to Say or Do

Don't:

Ask about their dating life. "Seeing anyone?" is a trap. You don't want to know.

Bring up the breakup. "I've been thinking about us..." Not the time.

Get emotional. Crying, anger, or begging looks bad. Excuse yourself if you feel it coming.

Linger. The longer you stay, the more likely you'll say something you regret.

Apologize on the spot. If you owe them an apology, this isn't the moment. Do it properly later. See: What to text after no contact.

Act cold or rude. You're going for "calm and polite," not "bitter and wounded."

Different Scenarios

You're With Friends

Keep it brief. Introduce them if necessary. Then let your friends carry the conversation for 30 seconds. Then exit.

"Good seeing you. We've got to get going."

They're With Friends

Same approach. Be polite. Don't ignore their friends. But don't get drawn into a group conversation.

"Hey! Good to see you all. I'm actually running late—catch you later."

They're With Someone New

This one stings.

But your move stays the same: brief and polite.

"Hey, good to see you."

Don't ask who the person is. Don't make it awkward.

Just acknowledge them both and leave quickly.

Then go somewhere private and process your feelings. Don't break down in public.

You're at a Party or Event

You can't easily leave.

Here's what to do:

• Acknowledge them when you first see them (quick hello)
• Then stay in different areas
• Don't stare at them across the room
• Don't avoid them dramatically
• If you end up in the same conversation group, be normal

You're at Their Place (Returning Stuff)

This isn't really a "bump into" situation.

But if it feels awkward:

• Keep it transactional
• "Here's your stuff. Thanks."
• Don't ask to come in
• Don't drag it out

More on this: When your ex returns your stuff.

If You Freeze or Panic

It happens.

You see them. Your mind goes blank. Your heart races.

Quick reset:

1. Ground yourself. Feel your feet on the floor. Notice your breath.

2. Buy time. "Sorry, just got distracted for a second. What were you saying?"

3. Use a script. Fall back on the simple scripts above. They work even when you're nervous.

4. Exit if needed. "Actually, I need to go. Good seeing you."

Nobody dies from an awkward encounter. You'll survive this.

After the Encounter

Don't immediately text them.

You might feel a rush of emotions. You might want to follow up.

Don't.

Wait at least 24 hours. Let the emotions settle.

Then ask yourself:

• How did that actually go?
• Did they seem open or closed off?
• Am I reading too much into it?
• Should I reach out or keep waiting?

If you're genuinely unsure what to do next, read the Ex Back Plan for guidance.

If the encounter went well:

That's great. But it doesn't mean no contact is over.

Unless they explicitly said they want to talk, assume you're still in no contact mode.

If the encounter went badly:

Don't spiral. One awkward moment doesn't ruin everything.

Just go back to focusing on yourself. See: How to heal after a breakup.

If you broke down emotionally:

Send one brief message acknowledging it:

"Hey, sorry if I seemed off earlier. Wasn't expecting to run into you. Hope you're well."

Then back to silence. See: Immediate steps after a breakup for damage control.

The Real Goal

Here's what people miss:

The encounter itself doesn't matter much.

What matters is how you feel about yourself after.

Did you handle it with dignity? Or did you panic and embarrass yourself?

If you handled it well, you build pride and confidence.

If you didn't, you learn for next time.

Either way, you keep moving forward.

My UNFAZED program has an entire module on handling unexpected encounters. It walks you through exactly what to say, how to manage your emotions in the moment, and what to do after.

Because the truth is:

You can't control when you'll see your ex.

But you can control how you respond.

Bottom Line

Remember:

1. You can't always avoid your ex
2. Diplomacy is your safest bet
3. Don't discuss the breakup
4. Be cordial
5. Exit quickly

Quick recap of your moves:

• Breathe and assess
• Use simple scripts
• Keep it brief
• Don't bring up relationship stuff
• Leave gracefully
• Don't text them afterward (unless you really embarrassed yourself, then one brief apology)

That's it. You just learned how to handle unexpected ex encounters.

Now you're prepared.

And if it happens? You'll be fine.