What to Text After No Contact

You did it. You stayed quiet and left your ex alone. Now what?

You know texting is next. But what do you say?

I have written about texting an ex back elsewhere. But here are four solid rules to guide you:

1. Use “The Feel-Good Factor”

Your first text should make your ex feel good. This means:

Keep it light and positive. A feel-good message is more likely to get a good response.

Examples that work:

"Just tried that Thai place you always talked about. You were right - best pad thai in the city."

"Randomly remembered that horrible karaoke night. Still can't believe you made me sing Bohemian Rhapsody."

"Saw they're bringing back that show we used to watch. Made me smile."

Why these work:

They're personal. Positive. No hidden agenda.

They remind your ex of good times without dwelling on them.

Examples that DON'T work:

"I miss you." (Too heavy)

"Can we talk?" (Too direct)

"How are you?" (Too generic)

"I've changed." (Too desperate)

See the difference?

2. Skip the Templates

Don't copy texts from the internet. Your ex will notice, and it shows a lack of thought.

Instead, write something:

Make it relevant to your ex and your shared experiences. This shows you've put thought into reconnecting.

Here's the problem with templates:

They're generic. Your ex dated YOU. Not some random person on the internet.

If your text could be sent to anyone, it's not personal enough.

How to make it personal:

Think about:

Then reference those. Lightly.

Example:

Instead of: "Hey, how have you been?"

Try: "Just drove past that coffee shop where you spilled your latte on that businessman. Still makes me laugh."

See? Same goal (reconnecting). But one is forgettable. The other isn't.

3. Gather Data, Don't Reunite (Yet)

Use texts to collect information:

Don't ask to get back together. It's too soon, and you need to understand their current feelings first.

Take things slowly. This helps avoid triggering new conflicts and gives you time to assess the situation.

What you're really doing:

Testing the waters.

You're finding out:

Their response (or lack of one) tells you everything.

If they respond warmly:

Good sign. Continue with light, occasional texts.

If they respond but stay neutral:

Mixed signal. Don't push. Keep it casual.

If they respond coldly:

Back off. You moved too soon. Return to no contact.

If they don't respond at all:

Wait 3-5 days. Try once more. If still nothing, accept it and move on with your life.

More on this: What to do after no contact.

4. Have Fun

Relax and enjoy texting your ex. Good feelings help renew relationships.

Fun, positive exchanges can improve your position if you later want to discuss getting back together.

But here's the thing:

If you're not having fun, your ex can tell.

Your anxiety leaks through. Your desperation shows.

So genuinely try to enjoy the process.

If you can't? You're not ready. Give it more time.

When to Send the First Text

Timing matters more than you think.

Best times:

Weekday mornings (9am-11am): People are awake, caffeinated, and not yet overwhelmed by the day.

Weekday evenings (7pm-9pm): Workday is done. They're relaxed. But not so late it feels desperate.

Worst times:

Late night (after 10pm): Looks like a booty call or drunk text.

Very early morning (before 8am): Too eager. Too intense.

Weekends: They might be busy or with other people. Weekdays feel more casual.

Holidays or special dates: Don't text on your anniversary, their birthday (during no contact), or major holidays. Looks calculated.

See: First text after no contact for more timing guidance.

The “Elephant in the Room” Text

If your breakup involved a serious issue (like cheating), address it before anything else.

This is the “elephant in the room” – the big issue your ex is already thinking about.

Consider a handwritten letter for this topic. Keep texts light and positive. A letter allows you to:

When to address the elephant:

Not in your first text. But probably in your first conversation.

If you cheated, were abusive, or did something unforgivable, they're not going to respond well to "Hey remember that funny thing?"

You need to acknowledge what happened. But do it right.

How to do it:

Write a letter. Not a text. Not an email. A real letter.

In it:

Then give them space. Let them process it.

If they want to talk after that, they'll reach out.

More on this: How to get her back after cheating.

Common Mistakes People Make

Mistake #1: Sending multiple texts in a row

One text. Then wait.

If they don't respond, don't follow up immediately.

Give it days. Not hours.

Mistake #2: Getting deep too fast

"I've been thinking a lot about us..."

Stop. Keep it light. Save the heavy stuff for later.

Mistake #3: Asking questions that require long answers

"How have you been? What's been going on?"

These feel like work. Keep your first texts easy to respond to.

Mistake #4: Sending a novel

Long paragraphs = pressure.

Keep it to 1-2 sentences. Make them want more.

Mistake #5: Being too available

They respond? Great.

But don't reply instantly every time. Show you have a life.

Match their response time. Or wait a bit longer.

How to Handle Different Responses

If they respond positively:

Great! But don't get excited and rush in.

Keep the conversation short. Then exit first.

"Ha, glad that made you laugh. Anyway, got to run. Talk soon!"

Leave them wanting more.

If they respond neutrally:

"Yeah, that was funny."

Okay. They're not hostile. But not enthusiastic either.

Don't push. Reply briefly. Then go quiet again.

Try again in a week or two.

If they respond negatively:

"Please don't contact me."

Respect it. Back off immediately.

"Understood. Take care."

Then leave them alone. Maybe forever. Maybe not.

But right now, you're done.

If they ignore you:

Try once more in 3-5 days. Different approach.

Still nothing? Accept it and move on.

See: Should you get back together? for clarity on when to stop trying.

What Comes After the First Text

You sent your text. They responded positively.

Now what?

Don't jump straight to meeting up.

Build slowly:

This takes weeks. Not days.

Patience wins.

Full progression guide: Effective ways to reconnect.

The Real Goal

Here's what most people miss:

The first text isn't about getting them back.

It's about:

Your ex doesn't owe you a response.

But if you do this right, they'll want to respond.

That's the difference.

Remember

Every text should make your ex feel good. Don't trigger negative emotions.

Use texts to learn your ex's current mood and feelings. Stay upbeat and keep things light.

Be patient and take your time. Rushing can undo your progress.

Do this, and you'll send great first—and last—texts to your ex, setting the stage for whatever comes next.

Your Complete Texting Strategy

Texting is just one piece.

For the complete plan on getting your ex back:

Start with the Ex Back Plan - free, comprehensive roadmap.

Want day-by-day texting scripts and psychological guidance? Check out UNFAZED.

Need help with your specific situation? [Coaching is available](/coaching).

Bottom line: Your first text after no contact sets the tone for everything that follows. Make it count. But don't overthink it.