I’m going to give you a different way of looking at the chances of getting back with an ex. And once you see how little probability matters? Wow…
You are going to be much better off for it!
Do you know what I’ve learned after a decade of helping hundreds of heartbroken men and women fight for their ex?
Ex back statistics don’t matter!
Whether your chance to get your ex back is 5% or 75%, if your ex is worth it, you will still roll the dice and try (and you should!)
No kidding —
Every week, men and women of all ages ask: “Michael, what are the chances my ex will take me back?”
People even ask for a percentage figure, as though I have a “chance calculator.”
And no wonder.
If you look hard enough, you can find statistics for anything.
Researchers Sarah Halpern-Meekin, Wendy Manning, Peggy Giordano, and Monica Longmore conducted a study1 on 792 young adults. What they found was approximately 44% of those who broke up, got back together again.
And in a paper titled, “On-Again/Off-Again Dating Relationships: What Keeps Partners Coming Back?” by René Dailey of Texas University (in collaboration with Abigail Pfiester, Borae Jin, Gary Beck, and Gretchen Clark,) check this out:
In some studies, breaking up and renewing with the same partner were reported by as many as 40% of the samples (e.g., Cupach & Metts, 2002; Langhinrichsen-Rohling, Palarea, Cohen, & Rohling, 2000). A recent study focusing on on-again/off-again relationships, found that over 60% of young adult respondents had experienced a relationship that broke up and renewed at least once, with 75% of those reporting at least two renewals with the same partner (Dailey, Pfiester, Jin, Beck & Clark, 2009, Study 1.)
And there are quizzes, too, which boast of being able to calculate how likely your ex —a complex emotional human— will come back to you.
But is your relationship and future that predictable?
Your breakup and what happens next is organic and unknowable.
And the results of a study do not apply to you, the individual. Statistics about groups tell you nothing about the person, which means it does not matter if we found 65% of couples reunite. Why? Because we can’t know which couples will be part of the 35% who don’t!
So no ex-back quiz can determine your romantic future (although they can have other uses, which I’ll get to.)
The good news is once you accept you can’t know what your chances will be, you can bask in the fact that it doesn’t matter.
By not wasting your time debating whether your ex will give you another chance, you can get busy doing the work to make it happen.
Who can help improve your chances to get back together?
Once you stop pondering your odds of a happy reunion, you are finally free to focus on how you can improve your inherent chance.
Cutting to the chase:
Your situation is fragile, and time is ticking.
If you had a serious relationship?
I can likely improve your chances favourably.
Of course, you may now be wondering:
Who says they can likely help me? Shouldn’t this relationship pro boast he’ll guarantee we’ll be back together this time next week?!
Right. And SOME coaches might promise that just as some “gurus” boast an 85% success rate etc. But that isn’t very smart. It’s a lie, and not how I do things here.
As already shown, precisely no one can tell what your chance will be.
And I understand this reality and won’t lie to you as I’m not afraid to embrace the uncertainty of the situation you are in, face-on.
See, in love and relationships, “success,” including whether you get back together, is not predictable. Even if you do an ex back quiz… because the likelihood comes down to the process you follow, where the odds go up OR down depending on what you do.
Therefore, to maximize your chance of success, you must use the best strategies you can for the situation. And work at it daily.
Because the better the strategy (and the application of it,) the better the result you can expect.
It’s that simple.
The chance to get your ex back depends on what you do
As you now know, you get to increase or decrease your chances with your ex through your actions. And this is all you should concern yourself with after a breakup.
IF you do everything right, then in return, you will have increased your chances the most that you could.
And this is the reality. And all you need to know.
Even if a relationship advisor told you your chances were poor, you are still in the game and get to influence the outcome.
The likelihood of getting back together goes up when you do everything right
Your likelihood of getting back together can only go up when you do more of the right things.
Now, to find out what “everything right” looks like, you might get coaching, follow an ex back guide you found online, or follow something more comprehensive like a paid breakup repair program etc.
And in general? As with most things in life, the better the source of information you get, the closer to “everything right” you’ll get.
Even when you do everything correctly?
You MUST accept that your ex has FREE WILL, which means they’re free to do as they please (just as it should be.)
But you know?
Looking around, I see this plain fact gets ignored.
Maybe you have also seen these promises which pretend free will does not exist? E.g.:
- “This ninja technique will have you get back together, FAST.”
- “When you follow my steps, your ex will be begging you to take them back.”
- “We have a 93.6% success rate…”
It’s like these “experts” found a way to overrule free will (which is impossible.)
In reality, people fabricate their numbers to play on your sincere desire to believe you will get what you want. They print these claims because they know you are more likely to accept what you already want to be true (and all the more so when vulnerable.)
So when I see that in an article or sales page? I feel anger.
So for my sanity, I must be transparent with you.
You might not get back together.
Hey, I’m fed up with people telling you it’s going to be easy, or that they’ll teach you a “secret technique” that’ll have them coming back “weak at the knees,” begging you give them another chance.
Lying isn’t ethical.
I’ll show you what can work (not will) and how to not demean yourself (or your ex) in the process (a requirement for long term results.) Restoring couples is what I do professionally.
I know how to increase your chances and get you to a much stronger position, even if you are the only one trying. And yes, some of my best (paid) advice is unconventional, but only because I am not repeating the same ideas.
So that’s what I do.
Increase the odds.
And it doesn’t matter what your odds are. Just focus on improving them!
Saving a relationship is more ART than science. It is not going to be perfect. The results are not always repeatable. You are not asking “how to fly a plane,” which is scientific and predictable and guaranteed to succeed when you follow the steps correctly.
I want you to understand that all the books, videos, membership programs, courses, etc. are more PARTIAL solutions with a chance factor built-in.
Some have a better chance factor in them than others because they have better ideas in them.
Simple as that.
Think of it like this:
The better the source of information you follow
the better you apply it
the amount your “chance dial” turns up
I specialize in turning the “chance dial” up as far as possible without demeaning either (which is part of my secret sauce, if you will.)
My course(s) and consulting services focus on everything you can do to improve your situation. And yes, this includes ways to influence your ex toward your most wanted goal.
You can’t force the result you want, but you can be smarter about how you approach this.
Bottom line —
I can’t promise you will get back together or give you the odds. But neither can anyone else in the entire world. However, while plenty will make promises they can’t keep and think being dishonest with you is OK, I won’t do that.
Today you just need to know that you have a chance and that you get to raise or lower your chances by your actions.
Frankly, the time you spend trying to gauge the possibility or do quizzes is time better spent on something else, like going for a walk and taking care of yourself.