Can You Do No Contact When You Have Kids Together?

May 2025  — 
 blog

Can you do no contact when you have kids? Short answer: Yes, but it's tricky.

No contact means cutting communication with your ex. But kids change the game. You need to talk to your ex about your children.

Kids Come First

Put your kids first. Their needs trump any "no contact" rule.

Be smart. Talk to your ex about the kids when needed. Focus on their health and happiness.

Outside of kid stuff, you can still use no contact.

Co-Parenting Tips

Co-parenting is tough. You're dealing with your feelings and your kids' emotions. Here's how to handle it:

  1. Keep it about the kids. Before you contact your ex, ask: Is this for the children?
    1. Be patient. Your ex might bring up personal stuff. Steer the talk back to the kids.
      1. Use texts or emails. They're clearer and less emotional than talking.
        1. Get support. Talk to friends or join a group. Learn from others in your situation.

          Remember, each interaction helps your kids. It's a learning process. Take it one day at a time.

          The Bottom Line

          Be a good parent first. Talk to your ex when it's about the kids. Keep your feelings about the breakup separate.

          If it's not about the kids, don't talk at all.

          That's it. You now know how to balance no contact and co-parenting.

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                By Michael Fulmer: Breakup expert with 14 years experience. Trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy (Level 1 & 2). Thousands helped worldwide. Created Breakup Dojo — now 1,000+ members strong, and now UNFAZED (new release.) My products sell. My advice works. Psychology obsessed. It shows in my work! 10,000+ read my “Ex-Communication” newsletter. Need breakup help? I’m your guy.