Can You Do No Contact When You Have Kids Together?

“No contact” is an act of intentionally avoiding any communication with your ex-partner. Yet when you have children together, the no contact rule will be difficult to maintain. It’s understandable that you will want to continue to communicate with your ex for the sake of co-parenting.

Should You Follow “No Contact” When You Have Kids?

There’s no question about it: Put your parental duties first. If your partner has left you, the care of your children is more important than following a rule perfectly.

Adapt accordingly: Be diplomatic and practical when discussing the kids. Their health and their physical and emotional wellbeing are far more important than sticking to a rule.

However, outside of your parental duties, you can follow the no-contact strategy like anyone else.


For your children’s sake, continue to maintain your duty as a parent to the best of your ability. Use a pragmatic approach with your ex: if you need to contact him or her in order to be a good parent, then do so. However, keep your views and feelings about the breakup separate from your parental responsibilities. Another way to put it: if you are not talking about the children, you are not talking at all.

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About the author: Michael Fulmer is a breakup repair consultant and relationship coach. He publishes the Ex-Communication newsletter to inboxes all over the world. He also runs the Breakup Dojo, where he teaches you to make the right moves to outwit your ex’s negative feelings. Michael has been undoing breakups since 2011. No fancy suits, videos, or fake smiling photos. You won’t find Michael featured on Youtube, either.