Have you ever been so needy and clingy that your girlfriend left you? Don’t fret. Here are three things to start doing immediately:
- Stop contacting her
- Wait a while before replying or returning calls
- Don’t ask friends or family about her
Once you have done the above for two weeks, you can begin sending her occasional upbeat text messages to show your relaxed side.
Let’s unpack this…
1. Stop contacting her
Your top priority is to eliminate all signs of neediness immediately. You can start by not initiating contact with your ex-girlfriend for two weeks. She will expect to hear from you, and you must do the opposite.
One of the most common signs that a person is clingy is being unable to go without contact. Therefore, you have to demonstrate that you can go without contact.
Of course, if your ex-girlfriend initiates contact, that is different. You do not need to ignore her. You just need to let her be the one to start the conversation. At least for the next two weeks.
By letting her control when or if you communicate, you will be giving her evidence that she is wrong about your lack of willpower.
2. Wait a while before replying or returning calls
If your ex-girlfriend texts you, it is a good idea to acknowledge her message with a reply. However, it would help if you waited a while before doing so. By making her wait, you further demonstrate restraint, giving another sign of non-neediness. I recommend waiting 3 or 4 hours before sending your reply.
Caveat: If her message is angry or rude, you should ignore it completely. There is no need to reward rudeness with a reply.
The same waiting rule-of-thumb should be applied when returning phone calls, too. For the next two weeks, let the phone ring off. You’ll not be in a good position to talk just yet, anyway. It is better to leave her wondering what you are up to for a few hours. Besides, a lot can go wrong on a live call when emotions are still running high.
As you know, it’s challenging to maintain control of your emotions after a breakup. With real-time conversations, a lot can go wrong with either saying something they later regret. It is not worth the risk.
After a few hours, you can then send her a short text message to acknowledge her call, apologise for missing it, and ask if everything is OK. Simple.
3. Don’t ask friends or family about her
Do not ask friends and family how your ex-girlfriend is doing. While is it normal to ask, you should assume that whatever you say to friends and family will get back to her. When you realise that your ex will be filtering everything she hears about you through a “he is needy” lens, you can see why it is better if she hears nothing.
Many people are in the habit of gossiping and sharing, and that’s just how it is in life. Rather than wish it were otherwise, accept the reality that people talk and, if anything, use it to your advantage!
So, please stop talking about your ex-girlfriend and do not ask her friends how she is coping etc. You do not want to give her any reason to think you are unstable or obsessed.
After two weeks, begin sending occasional upbeat text messages
After you have gone two weeks without initiating contact, it is safe to begin sending occasional text messages. Of course, you must not show any signs of neediness in your messages. And, you must not send a lot of messages.
To kill any signs of desperation, keep your messages fun and upbeat and watch your frequency. One or two messages a week is plenty.
While you will be tempted to talk about getting back together, don’t! Your goal is to stay calm and prove you are not emotionally unstable. If you begin talking about the relationship, you will introduce stress into the mix. Stress is bad!
Further, it is safer if you continue to avoid returning phone calls. At least until you have established good rapport through messaging first (text or otherwise.) Any form of texting is safer and less stressful for both.
- Keep your messages fun and upbeat.
- Don’t show signs of neediness.
- Stay cool, calm, and collected throughout the process.
One or two texts a week are plenty when trying to get her back after being needy and clingy.
If you follow the above tips, you will help generate curiosity in your ex-girlfriend rather than fear. You will find her less reactive. Instead of cynicism, she will feel intrigued about how you put the neediness behind you, which puts you on the right path to winning her back.