A significant number of marriages end in divorce (some 40% or more, depending on Country and year you check.)
That’s a lot of backtracking.
I’m sorry that you find yourself part of that statistic.
But fear not…
Because there is hope. And, you have a hand in figuring out how to get your ex wife back after a divorce.
Just as your ex-wife changed her mind from “I do” to “I don’t,” she may just as easily change it again.
She may not easily change her mind, but she has as much right to as anyone else.
Look at it this way:
Plenty of separated couples —including divorced couples— have found their way back to one another.
Hardly a rarity.
Also, men throughout history, the world over, have walked this same path you now do. And we know more than none found their way back into bed with their spouse (literally and figuratively.) Who’s to say you won’t?
Should that spark be there for you (even if not for her,) do not let the pain and turmoil of a messy divorce erase the fact from your memory that couples do reunite.
You get the point.
Let’s now look at some of the steps you can take to win your ex-wife’s heart all over again.
Table of Contents
Figure Out What Really Went Wrong
Don’t yawn and close the page just yet.
Everyone tells you to figure out what went wrong with your ex. And for a good reason. Replay your marriage events —especially leading up to the separation— to see what you can learn.
Be a detective investigating a case…
Find (or pick) a moment where it went wrong, then poke around some more to see if that was the first time “it” went wrong.
What can you learn?
Can you spot an underlying issue?
Remember, it is not always about “the thing” we argue about.
Sometimes it’s something else, something deeper. Like a prior disagreement or unresolved hurt feeling which gets dragged into the present.
If you take the time to investigate your relationship dynamics, you may be surprised by what you find.
Your marriage likely had more than one flaw. And, you may be unaware of the precise mistakes you made that contributed to the bitter end.
This is normal.
But, if you persist and dig deep, you will find enough examples of where and how things went wrong between you both.
From there, you will better understand how the reality of her asking for a split came to pass.
This could prove useful in your future.
For example, if, on reflection, you noticed a tendency to try and control your ex? You can take corrective action. You would want to adjust your behaviour, so your ex-wife won’t feel smothered or manipulated.
The point is…
If you want to get your ex-wife back, you must make an effort to find out —and understand— what she saw as “the reason why I want to leave him.”
You then want her —when the time is right— to feel loved and admired so that she may see “the reason why I want him back.”
This is hard to do when you don’t understand her perspective or attempt to.
Tip: Show her you know what you did wrong and that you want to make amends through your actions more than your words.
Showing her the changes she wants to see is smart, sure. But, please find the reason to do it for yourself first, as this way it will be more rewarding for you and more meaningful for her as a result.
You do not want her to think you are changing only to get her back.
Of course, this is not easy to do. And, if you should feel it is too much effort to do, then perhaps you need to reconsider what you want (e.g., whether to move on without her.)
However, if you think she’s worth it, you will put in the work for the chance to reconcile and start over.
Show Her Respect and Love
Some men forget how to attract a woman, while others never had much of an idea to begin with.
Either way, it never hurts to know how to woo your lady.
In hindsight, it is easy to see how we get comfortable in marriage. We relax and stop trying. Plus, it doesn’t help that modern life keeps us on our toes with obligations and challenges.
It is no wonder we forget the responsibility we have to care for one another. And we neglect to nurture that all-important “spark” two people in love have.
After breaking up, it becomes more critical to deepen her respect and attraction toward you at every opportunity you get.
Show her you deserve her, and you care, and let her believe the story of “us” is still being written.
It is time to raise your game and show the world what you have to offer…
Nothing is stopping her from moving on to another, especially not your wedding vows. But neither is anything stopping her from reconsidering your position in her life.
It will take time, of course, and you cannot win her heart in a day. Yet, you can win her over a little more each day and with each interaction you have.
Use every encounter to demonstrate the qualities she looks for in a man. Gradually, you may find her estimation of you changes to match.
Gain Her Respect (Again)
A woman will not stay in love with a man who hasn’t gained and retained her respect.
The love your wife once had for you probably still exists somewhere deep inside. Your job is to remind her of what was compelling about you in the first place.
Sometimes, the romance hasn’t completely died. It’s just she’s not as attracted to you as she remembers.
And usually, something is blocking that attraction. That’s all.
If you remove the blockage, the attraction will flow again. Often, a block is found when we stop looking at things from our perspective, which is vital if you are to get through to her any time soon.
If you do that and remind her why she fell for you in the first place, you may be surprised by how quickly she may replenish her feelings for you.
Human emotions are in motion (e-motion,) so they can change. That means if the attraction is gone and the respect is lost, it does not mean things will stay that way.
With effort, there are ways to change how she thinks of you and restore the connection you used to have.
Show Her the New and Improved You
If you have the opportunity and have already taken a strategic break from her, take her out.
Get her to go on a date with you. Though do not call it “a date” (as it may trigger a negative response.)
The point is, having worked on improving yourself, it is time to show her what you’ve done.
Let her see the evolved and updated you, the “you” she has been missing out on.
See if you can casually invite her to dinner or a nice lunch to catch up. Good food and laid-back conversation give you a chance to get back into your wife’s good books, and a chance to woo her. Flirt, tease and remind her of your first dates when things were casual, and you were swooning over each other.
Triggering happy memories will send sparks flying.
The Difference Between Emotional Divorce And Legal Divorce
After your divorce, it may have felt like the odds were stacked against you. But keep in mind that legal divorce and emotional divorce are not the same thing.
What do I mean?
Well, if you could choose between having a loving and happy relationship (unmarried) and a cold and depressing marriage, you would choose the happy unmarried relationship.
Therefore, the divorce —and not being married— is not the critical part here.
The emotional part of the relationship is the real part. Not the legal part.
If you win her heart back, it won’t matter if you are divorced or not.
And if you’re not ready to give up? Then it isn’t over.
Use the above ideas to understand better what needs addressing, and use your time to improve yourself. Do this well, and you naturally enhance your position with your ex-wife and the chances you both will reunite (married or not.)
I wish you luck.