how to get your ex wife back after a divorce

a significant number of marriages end in divorce (some 40% or more, depending on country and year you check.)

that’s a lot of backtracking.

sadly, not everyone knows how to avoid a separation with many efforts falling flat on the ground.

i’m sorry you find yourself part of that statistic.

but fear not…

because there is hope. and you have a hand in figuring out how to get your wife back after divorce.

consider this:

just as your wife changed her mind from “i do” to “i don’t,” she can always change it again.

we are only ever as sure as our last decision. and just like that privacy policy no one reads, we are all “subject to change.”

she is allowed to change her mind, she has as much right to as anyone else.

look at it this way:

plenty of separated couples —including divorced couples— found their way back to one another.

hardly a rarity.

also, men throughout history, the world over, have walked this same path you now do. and we know more than zero found their way back into bed with their spouse (literally and figuratively.) who’s to say you won’t?

should that spark be there for you (even if not for her,) do not let the pain and turmoil of a messy divorce erase the fact from your memory that couples do reunite.

you get the point.

let’s now look at some steps you can take to win your wife’s heart all over again.

let’s begin.

figure out what really went wrong

don’t yawn and close the page just yet.

everyone tells you to figure out what went wrong with your marriage. and for good reason. replay your marital events —especially those conflicts that attributed to the separation— and see what you can learn.

be a detective investigating a case.

find or pick a moment where it went wrong, then poke around some more to see if that was the first time “it” went wrong.

what can you learn?

can you spot an underlying issue?

remember, it is not always about “the thing” we argue about.

sometimes it’s something else, something deeper. like a prior disagreement or unresolved hurt feeling which gets dragged into the present.

if you take the time to investigate your relationship dynamics, you may be surprised by what you find.


your marriage likely had more than one flaw. and you may be unaware of the precise mistakes you made that contributed to the bitter end.

this is normal.

but if you persist and dig deep, you will find enough examples of where and how things went wrong between you both.

from there you will better understand how the reality of her asking to split came to pass.

this will prove useful to you.

for example, if on reflection you noticed a tendency to control your wife? you can take corrective action. you would want to adjust your behaviour so she won’t feel smothered or manipulated.

the point is…

if you want to get your ex wife back, you have to make an effort to find out —and understand— what she saw as “the reason why i want to leave him.”

then, when the time is right, you want her to feel loved and admired so she can see “the reason why i want him back.”

this is hard when you don’t understand her perspective.

tip: show her you know what you did wrong and that you want to make amends through your ~actions~ more than your words.


showing her the changes she wants to see is smart, yes. but please find the reason to do it for yourself ~first~ as it will be more rewarding for you and more meaningful for her as a result.

you do not want her to think you are changing only to get her back.

of course, this is not easy. if you feel it is too much effort to do, then perhaps you need to reconsider what you want (e.g., whether to move on without her.)

however if you think she’s worth it, you will put in the work for the chance to reconcile and start over.

show her respect and love

some men forget how to attract a woman, while others never had much of an idea to begin with.

either way, it never hurts to know how to woo your lady.

in hindsight, it is easy to see how we get comfortable in marriage. we relax and stop trying. plus it doesn’t help that modern life keeps us on our toes with obligations and challenges.

it is no wonder we forget the responsibility we have to care for one another. so we neglect to nurture that all-important “spark” two people in love have.

after breaking up, it becomes even more critical to deepen her respect and attraction toward you at every opportunity you get.

show her you deserve her and you care, and let her believe the story of “us” is still being written.

it is time to raise your game and show the world what you have to offer…

nothing is stopping her from moving on to another, especially not your wedding vows. but neither is anything stopping her from reconsidering your position in her life.

it will take time, of course, and you cannot win her heart in a day. yet you can win her over a little ~more~ each day.

use every encounter to demonstrate the qualities she looks for in a man. then gradually, you can find her estimation of you changes to match.

gain her respect (again)

a woman will not stay in love with a man who hasn’t gained and retained her respect.

the love your wife once had for you probably still exists somewhere deep inside. your job is to remind her of what was compelling about you in the first place.

sometimes the romance hasn’t completely died. it’s just she’s not as attracted to you as she remembers.

and usually, something is blocking that attraction. that’s all.

if you remove the blockage, the attraction will flow again. often, a block is found when we stop looking at things from our perspective, which is vital if you are to get through to her any time soon.

if you do that and remind her why she fell for you in the first place, you may be surprised by how quickly she replenishes her feelings for you.

human emotions are in motion (e-motion,) so they can change. that means if the attraction is gone and the respect is lost, it can come back again.

with effort, there are ways to change how she thinks of you and restore the connection you used to have.

show her the new and improved you

if you have the opportunity and have already taken a strategic break from her, take her out.

get her to go on a date with you. though do not call it “a date” (as it may trigger a negative response.)

the point is, having worked on improving yourself, it is time to show her what you’ve done.

let her see the evolved and updated you, the “you” she has been missing out on.

see if you can casually invite her to dinner or a nice lunch to catch up. good food and laid-back conversation give you a chance to get back into your wife’s good books and a chance to woo her. flirt, tease, and remind her of your first dates when things were casual, and you were swooning over each other.

triggering happy memories will send sparks flying.

the difference between emotional divorce and legal divorce

after divorce, it can feel like the odds are stacked against you. but keep in mind that legal divorce and emotional divorce are not the same thing.

what do i mean?

well, if you could choose between a loving and happy unmarried relationship and a cold and depressing marriage, you would choose the happy unmarried relationship.

that means the divorce —and not being married— is not the critical part here.

the emotional part of the relationship is the real part. not the legal part.

if you win her heart back, it won’t matter if you are divorced.

and if you’re not ready to give up? then it isn’t over.

use the above ideas to understand better what needs addressing, and use your time to improve yourself. do this well, and you naturally enhance your position with your ex wife and the chances you both will reunite (married or not.)

i wish you luck.

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About the author: i’m a relationship coach specialising in breakup recovery. i’ve been doing this for 12+ years helping thousands worldwide. i created the Breakup Dojo, a popular program with over 1,000 members. i’ve authored several in-demand breakup recovery products, drawing from my deep fascination with psychology. i also publish the “ex-communication” newsletter that’s packed with actionable advice to over 10,000 subscribers worldwide.