is your ex pretending to be over you? look for these 7 signs…

we all know that getting over a breakup is hard, but sometimes it’s hard to tell if your ex is only pretending to be over you. what if there were clues to show you? luckily there are. read on to learn seven of them.

here are 7 signs your ex is pretending to be over you:

  1. they are overly happy
  2. they remove photos from social media
  3. they won’t pick up their stuff
  4. they’ve been taken over by “the green eyed monster”
  5. they give off non-verbal signs
  6. they give you mixed messages
  7. their friends contact you

these tell-tale signs hint your ex is not over you.

let’s cover each of these in detail.

they are overly happy

everything they post on social media makes them look like they’re having the time of their life.

the best bar in town? they’re there. with 100 friends.

they constantly update their status to show where they are, who they’re with and how much fun they’re having.

just remember that social media isn’t a great representation of real life.

after a breakup no-one wants to post a photo of themselves where they don’t look their best or they’re not having an amazing time.

removing photos from social media

if your ex has deleted photos of you across their social accounts, don’t be alarmed. this is likely to have been nothing more than an emotional reaction to your breakup.

they might leave one or two photos of you on their profile (for example, where other people are tagged) but the rest? gone.

whilst it’s hurtful to see, try to remember that they are trying to make a big, emotionally-driven statement.

perhaps they’re trying to hurt you or get a reaction from you.

a range of emotions will be involved and it’s almost always done due to being hurt.

if your ex left one or two photos up (of something trivial) it could be purely to cause confusion or to get you to react.

you are not a mind reader. who’se to say?

if you contact them and ask them about what they did or didn’t delete, they get the reaction they were (likely) hoping for.

best thing you can do?

don’t react.

let them have their moment and leave it at that.

it will show your ex that you won’t be drawn into any more drama.

this is easier said than done but you will feel better for it (and chances are you have your own copies of those photos.)

they won’t pick up their stuff

you’ve asked them time and again when they’re able to come and collect their personal items. but they keep messing you around.

no day or time is convenient for them and they’re only free when you’re not.

you make all the considerations you can but nope, they won’t budge.

if you can —by some miracle— get them to come over they might leave one or two things behind on purpose. you will only notice this once they’ve gone.

if this happens, it’s because your ex is having trouble getting over you. they are struggling with the breakup and see leaving a token item behind as a way to come back again in the future.

they’ve been taken over by “the green eyed monster”

jealously is never a good trait in anyone and now your ex has turned greener than the incredible hulk.

apparently they don’t want to be with you anymore, but they want to know who you’re seen with and what you’re doing.

  • “who’s that new guy out with your group?”
  • “why does she keep tagging you on social media?”

they also seem to check your live stories on ig but never like/comment on anything you post.

essentially, “checking up on you” —minus actually talking to you— is a dead giveaway.

they give you non-verbal signs

if you bump into your ex you might notice subtle clues from them regarding their true feelings about you.

picture the scene… you’re out at a bar for drinks and they happen to be there. you then feel eyes on you and yes, it’s your ex. you go up to the bar for more drinks and what do you know… there they are looking at you again. it’s as if they’re a moth and you’re a flame.

well, that’s their business i guess…

mixed messages

as with some of the points above, you will be confused if your ex is jealous one minute and staring at you in a bar the next.

in a nutshell, you’re getting mixed messages.

this is likely due to your ex being conflicted over how they feel about you.

just because they were the one to break things off, it doesn’t mean that they have stopped caring about you.

it may not feel like it at times but mixed messages can be a good thing.

if they are showing positive signs of engaging with you and there’s no drama/conflict, there is still hope.

you might see a bad side of them (like stubbornness) on a day they think about an argument that happened in the relationship.

but, if you catch them on a good day —and they get a reminder of a previous good time— you’re more likely to see their better side.

their friends will contact you

chances are you met most of your ex’s friends whilst you were going out.

if after the breakup, you get messages/calls from one of these friends, it’s likely your ex has asked them to see how you are.

this is their way of seeing how you’re coping without having to talk to you themselves.

you may even hear from their family.

if this does happen, be careful not to go into great detail or give them too much information.

even if you’re feeling delicate and hurting, do not pour it all out. try and stay calm, in control and keep the conversation brief.

you will feel better about yourself if you keep your emotions in check.

obviously, once that phone goes down, feel free to shout into a pillow.

you know the expression “playing it cool”? well, that’s what your ex might be doing in order to pretend to be over you.

your ex is probably trying to act like they’re over you. but if you know the 7 signs above, it should be pretty clear that your ex isn’t over you at all.

what to do if your ex is pretending they’re over you?

if you suspect your ex never really wanted to break up with you, that they have doubts they made the right decision and miss you? then yes, look for all the signs they will return that you can find.

but then what?

because what you do about these signs is another thing altogether.

for example, let’s say you are looking for these signs because you want to try and get back together.

seems fair.

well, start by asking yourself this:

why would your ex pretend to be over you?

what’s going on there?

well, the main reason anyone pretends to think or feel something other than what they really think or feel is to protect their pride.

yes, pride.

after all, no one likes to admit they were wrong or has desires or needs which they claimed not to have previously…

and seeing how people go to extreme lengths to protect their pride?

you need to think about how you can uphold your ex’s pride while taking the steps toward reuniting.

(this is what i teach my clients, and show in my breakup dojo program.)

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About the author: i’m a relationship coach specialising in breakup recovery. i’ve been doing this for 12+ years helping thousands worldwide. i created the Breakup Dojo, a popular program with over 1,000 members. i’ve authored several in-demand breakup recovery products, drawing from my deep fascination with psychology. i also publish the “ex-communication” newsletter that’s packed with actionable advice to over 10,000 subscribers worldwide.