Get Her Back Guide
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Want your ex-girlfriend back? Follow these steps.
1. Give Her Space
Stop contacting her. Let her cool off and miss you. Wait at least 7-10 days before reaching out.
- If living together, minimize interaction
2. Clear Your Head
Use this time to:
- Gather your thoughts
- Reduce stress through exercise
- Learn about getting her back
3. Show Your Strength
Don’t act desperate. Prove you’re fine without her. Have fun and share it on social media.
- Don’t directly tell her you're happy
- Hint at other women’s interest in you
4. Reconnect Smart
After the break, text her. Keep it:
- Light
- Funny
- Short
- Easy to respond to
Interpret her response:
- Cold? Wait another week
- Warm? Continue conversation
5. Build Good Feelings
Make her feel good when talking to you. Gradually increase contact:
- Text chats
- Phone calls
- Meet for coffee
- Go for walks
- Flirt
If possible, sleep together. It builds positive emotions.
6. Make Her Chase You
Never say you want her back. Make her think she might lose you. Let her push for a relationship.
7. The “Maybe” Stage
Move from “no” to “maybe” before reaching “yes”:
- Build attraction gradually
- Let her doubt her decision to break up
- Wait for signs she wants more
Remember: Getting back together is just the start. Fix what broke you up before.
Understanding Why the Breakup Happened
Identify the real problem. Most guys focus on the wrong issues. Look for patterns, not incidents.
Common reasons she left:
- Lack of emotional connection
- Too much fighting without resolution
- Feeling unappreciated or taken for granted
- Different life goals
Don’t argue with her reasons. Accept them as her truth, even if you disagree.
Ask yourself:
- What needs weren’t being met?
- Did she try to tell you before?
- What changes are you truly willing to make?
Communication Strategies
Keep emotions in check. How you communicate now determines everything.
When talking to her:
- Listen 80%, talk 20%
- Avoid defending yourself
- Ask questions instead of making statements
- Acknowledge her feelings without debate
Never text when emotional. Wait 24 hours before responding to upsetting messages.
Rebuilding Trust
Trust takes seconds to break but months to rebuild. Be consistent in your actions.
Prove yourself by:
- Doing what you say you'll do
- Being transparent without oversharing
- Respecting boundaries she sets
- Not rushing the process
Don’t make promises you can’t keep. One broken promise erases ten kept ones.
Self-Improvement Focus
Become a better man, not just to get her back. Women notice genuine growth.
Areas to improve:
- Physical health: Regular exercise builds confidence
- Social connections: Strengthen friendships
- Career/goals: Focus on ambitions she respected
- Emotional intelligence: Learn to identify and express feelings
Document your progress. It creates accountability and shows real change.
Overcoming Common Obstacles
Expect setbacks. The path back together is rarely straight.
Prepare for:
- Her dating someone else (stay calm, don't react)
- Friends/family against you (win them over gradually)
- Hot and cold behavior (maintain consistent energy)
- Old arguments resurfacing (use new communication skills)
Have a backup plan for emotional moments. Exit conversations before saying something regrettable.
Setting Boundaries
Respect yourself while pursuing her. No begging, pleading, or excessive gifts.
Healthy boundaries include:
- Not accepting disrespect
- Having your own activities and interests
- Taking space when needed
- Being honest about your feelings
Show you’ve changed by enforcing your own boundaries respectfully.
Compatibility Assessment
Be honest about compatibility. Not every relationship should be saved.
Ask yourself:
- Were core values aligned?
- Did you want similar futures?
- Was the relationship mostly positive?
- Are you chasing her or the relationship?
Don’t ignore red flags. If fundamental issues existed, address them before reconnecting.
Remember: Sometimes the right outcome isn’t getting back together. The best outcome is becoming a stronger person either way.
Why This Works
- Space lets her miss you
- Strength appeals to her biologically
- Gradual reconnection builds trust
- Making her chase increases her investment
The Science Behind Rekindling Attraction
These techniques work because they align with relationship psychology:
- Scarcity principle: We value what's harder to obtain
- Emotional association: She'll connect good feelings with your presence
- Cognitive dissonance: When she pursues you, her mind justifies it by increasing attraction
- Attachment theory: Space activates attachment systems and creates desire for reconnection
Still love your ex? Get smart before you act.
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By Michael Fulmer: Breakup expert with 14 years experience. Trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy (Level 1 & 2). Thousands helped worldwide. Created Breakup Dojo — now 1,000+ members strong. My products sell. My advice works. Psychology obsessed. It shows in my work! 10,000+ read my “Ex-Communication” newsletter. Need breakup help? I’m your guy.