Should I Text My Ex?

March 2025  — 
 blog

Texting your ex can work. But timing matters. Wait for bad feelings to fade. This ups your chances.

How long should you wait? It depends on the breakup drama. More drama means a longer wait.

When to Text (and When Not To)

When to Text:

  1. After enough time: A few weeks usually works.
    1. On special days: Birthdays are okay if time has passed.
      1. When they're not angry: Make sure they're calm first.

        When Not to Text:

        1. Right after breakup: Let the dust settle.
          1. When they're mad: Wait for calm.
            1. If it was abusive: Move on instead.
              1. When you're needy: Don't act desperate.
                1. If they can't share blame: Look for muturity.
                  1. To avoid pain: Don't use them as a painkiller.
                    1. If they need space: Respect their boundaries.

                      Texting Best Practices

                      Texting Don'ts:

                      1. No fake accidents
                        1. No complaints
                          1. No asking for replies
                            1. Don't discuss serious topics
                              1. Don't say you're thinking of them
                                1. Don't beg
                                  1. Don't apologize by text
                                    1. Avoid one-word texts

                                      First Text Tips:

                                      Keep it simple. Let them respond or not. Try these:

                                      • “Remember when…”
                                        • “I need your advice…”
                                          • Address the breakup directly

                                            The Pros and Cons of Texting

                                            Why Text?

                                            Texting is easy. It's less stressful than calling or showing up. It's a soft way to reconnect.

                                            Downsides of Texting:

                                            • You can't hear their voice
                                              • It's easy to misunderstand
                                                • It can be boring

                                                  Preparing to Reconnect

                                                  While waiting to text, stay busy:

                                                  1. Start a project
                                                    1. Learn a skill
                                                      1. Travel
                                                        1. See friends
                                                          1. Exercise

                                                            Building a New Connection

                                                            Gradual Approach:

                                                            1. Start with texting: Raise good feelings. Avoid problems. Stay positive. Text once or twice a week at first.
                                                              1. Move to calls: Texting leads to calls.
                                                                1. Suggest meet-ups: Calls lead to meet-ups. Start small. Suggest a quick coffee. Don't call it a date.

                                                                  Handling Challenging Situations

                                                                  If They're Dating Someone New:

                                                                  Your ex might be in a rebound relationship. These often don't last. Why? People bring baggage. Stay in touch. Play it cool. Don't push. Let time work for you.

                                                                  If You're Blocked:

                                                                  If your number is blocked, email works. It's less pushy than showing up. Keep it short. Don't explain. Act like nothing's wrong. Your goal is to restart communication, not win an argument.

                                                                  Remember: Keep it simple. Be clear. Stay positive. Good luck.

                                                                  Psst: Don't Make Another Move Until After You Use This Free Tool

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                                                                        TRY IT!

                                                                        By Michael Fulmer: Breakup expert with 14 years experience. Trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy (Level 1 & 2). Thousands helped worldwide. Created Breakup Dojo — now 1,000+ members strong. My products sell. My advice works. Psychology obsessed. It shows in my work! 10,000+ read my “Ex-Communication” newsletter. Need breakup help? I’m your guy.