Start Here: The Post-Breakup Map

You're hurting. Your ex is gone. You want them back but don't know where to start.

I've helped thousands of people through this exact situation over the past 14 years. Here's what works.

The Six-Stage Framework

Getting your ex back isn't about tricks or manipulation. It's about making smart decisions at each stage of the process.

Most people fail because they skip stages or rush through them. Don't do that.

Follow this framework in order. Each stage builds on the last.

Stage 1: Step Back

What it means: Stop all contact with your ex. No calls, texts, or social media stalking.

Why it works: Space reduces pressure. Your ex can't miss you if you're always there. Distance creates curiosity.

How long: Depends on your relationship length and breakup severity. Usually 3-8 weeks minimum.

Your main job: Don't chase. Don't explain. Don't apologise repeatedly. Just disappear with dignity.

Stage 2: Rebuild Yourself

What it means: Focus entirely on improving yourself. Hit the gym. Learn skills. Spend time with friends. Become genuinely better.

Why it works: Your ex left a certain version of you. They won't come back to that same person. Show them someone different.

How long: This never stops. But you need 4-8 weeks minimum before considering contact.

Your main job: Build confidence. Fix what was broken. Become someone your ex would be proud to date again.

Stage 3: Clarity Check

What it means: Honestly evaluate if getting back together makes sense. Not all exes should reunite.

Why it matters: You might realize you don't actually want them back. Or you might see serious obstacles you need to address first.

Key questions:

Your main job: Be brutally honest. Don't romanticise the past. Decide if you're moving forward or moving on.

Stage 4: Reopen Contact

What it means: Start communication again. Slowly. Strategically. With clear boundaries.

Why it's tricky: One wrong text can undo weeks of progress. You need to rebuild attraction without triggering defensiveness.

The approach:

Your main job: Create positive interactions. Make them feel good about talking to you. Don't rush intimacy.

Stage 5: Clarity Conversation

What it means: When the time is right, have an honest conversation about what you both want.

When to do it: Only after you've rebuilt connection. Only when they're responding warmly. Usually weeks or months into Stage 4.

What to say: Express your feelings clearly. No games. No manipulation. Just honest communication about trying again.

Your main job: Be direct but not desperate. Accept their answer with dignity. Don't beg or argue.

Stage 6: Start Fresh

What it means: Build a new relationship. Don't replay the old one.

Two paths:

Either way: You've grown. You've handled this with dignity. You're stronger than when you started.

Your main job: Don't fall back into old patterns. Keep the lessons you learned. Stay true to who you've become.

Common Mistakes People Make

Skipping Stage 1: They keep texting, calling, or showing up. This pushes their ex further away.

Rushing Stage 2: They don't actually improve. They just wait impatiently to contact their ex again.

Ignoring Stage 3: They chase an ex who was actually toxic or incompatible.

Fumbling Stage 4: They come on too strong, too fast, or say the wrong things.

Avoiding Stage 5: They stay stuck in ambiguous "friends" territory for months or years.

Repeating Stage 6: They get back together but nothing actually changed. They break up again.

Don't be that person.

Your Next Step

Start with Stage 1. Read it completely. Implement it fully.

The immediate first steps is a good start.

Don't skip ahead. Don't rush through. Each stage matters.

If you want deeper guidance, check out my UNFAZED program. It includes:

But even without that, this free framework will guide you.

You can do this. Thousands have done it before you.

Start now. Start with Stage 1

Need personal help? Book a coaching session and we'll create a custom plan for your specific situation.