Stage 1: Step Back / Immediate Steps

Immediate Steps

June 2025

A breakup hurts. Here's what to do next:

  1. Retreat and Stop Contact
    1. Leave the "battlefield" quickly
      1. Don't talk to your ex if practical
        1. Be cool if you can't avoid each other
        2. Give Yourself Time
          1. Take a break from each other
            1. Vent, reflect, heal
              1. Long enough to feel different about things
              2. Look After Yourself
                1. Exercise
                  1. Eat well
                    1. Sleep enough
                      1. Connect with friends and family
                        1. You matter —live accordingly
                        2. Spend Time with Loved Ones
                          1. Reach out to friends and family
                            1. Remind yourself of life's good things
                            2. Stay Off Social Media
                              1. Don't bother posting about the breakup
                                1. Don't grieve in public
                                  1. Privacy is best
                                  2. Don't Stalk Your Ex
                                    1. Avoid following your ex online
                                      1. Or in person...
                                        1. Stalking and obsessing hurt your pride (and your exes!)
                                        2. Skip Romantic Movies
                                          1. Sad films make you sadder
                                            1. Watch upbeat, "hero overcomes struggle" movies (Rocky, etc.)
                                            2. Avoid Love Songs
                                              1. Listen to upbeat music, not depressing tunes
                                                1. Don't feed your sadness
                                                  1. Music is a drug that enters your ears; choose it carefully
                                                  2. Avoid Big Decisions
                                                    1. Don't make choices with long-term effects
                                                      1. Postpone big decisions until you are calmer
                                                      2. Don't Sleep Around
                                                        1. Casual sex is risky
                                                          1. Rushing into a new relationship is unwise

                                                          Focus on self-care and staying busy. In time, you'll be ready to decide what's next.

                                                          What's Next?

                                                          You've taken the first steps. Good job. Now you need a plan.

                                                          I suggest starting here:

                                                          Psst: Don't Make Another Move Until After You Use This Free Tool

                                                          Still love your ex? Get smart before you act.

                                                          This free tool gives you:

                                                          • Custom advice for your situation
                                                            • Clear next steps
                                                              • Pitfalls to avoid

                                                                No email required. Takes 30 seconds.

                                                                TRY IT!

                                                                The above isn't fancy. It doesn't need to be. It gives you the basics you need to move forward.

                                                                Every breakup is different. But the core principles of getting back together? They're universal.

                                                                By Michael Fulmer: Breakup expert with 14 years experience. Trained in Gottman Method Couples Therapy (Level 1 & 2.) Thousands helped worldwide. Creator of Breakup Dojo with 1,000+ members, and now UNFAZED (new release.) My advice works. Psychology obsessed. 10,000+ read my “Ex-Communication” newsletter. Need breakup help? I’m your guy.