Immediate Steps

A breakup hurts. Here's what to do next.

Every one of these is for you. None of them is a move.

1. Retreat and Stop Contact
   1. Get out of the room, off the phone, out of the conversation
   2. Don't talk to your ex if practical — not to make a point, just because nothing said in the first week is said by the person you actually are
   3. If they get in touch, a short, honest reply is fine. "I need some time" is a whole answer. Silence used as a reply is still a message
   4. If you can't avoid each other, keep it brief and civil. If you share children, keep it to logistics — they're the ones who absorb whatever passes between you at handover. More on that here: no contact when you co-parent
   5. If you were afraid of them, forget civil. You don't owe them a reply. Talk to a domestic abuse service before working out what contact looks like — your safety outranks every rule here
2. Give Yourself Time
   1. Take a break from each other
   2. Vent, reflect, heal
   3. Long enough to feel different about things
   4. The space is to stop you grasping — it isn't a lever. If you're counting the days for them, you're not taking the break, you're waiting them out. More on that here: the no contact rule
3. Look After Yourself
   1. Exercise
   2. Eat well
   3. Sleep enough
   4. You matter — live accordingly
4. Spend Time with Loved Ones
   1. Reach out to friends and family
   2. Remind yourself of life's good things
5. Stay Off Social Media
   1. Don't bother posting about the breakup
   2. Don't grieve in public
   3. Not because of how it looks — because a feeling you've published is one you now have to keep performing. Keep it yours
6. Don't Stalk Your Ex
   1. Avoid following your ex online
   2. Or in person
   3. Every check opens it back up. You can't get any distance from someone you're reading three times a day — and they're entitled to be left alone
7. Go Easy on the Sad Stuff
   1. If a film or an album is putting you on the floor for the rest of the night, don't watch it, don't play it
   2. That's not the same as not feeling it. There's a difference between sitting with the pain and marinating in it on purpose
   3. You'll know which one you're doing
8. Avoid Big Decisions
   1. Don't make choices with long-term effects
   2. Postpone big decisions until you are calmer
9. Don't Rush Into Someone Else
   1. You'd be bringing very little of yourself to it, and whoever it is deserves better than that
   2. If you do meet someone, be straight with them about where you're at. They're a person, not part of your recovery. More on that here: when to start dating again

Look after yourself. Give it time. In a while, you'll be in a fit state to decide what's next — and that decision is a lot further away than it feels right now.

If It's More Than a Bad Day

If you're not sleeping, not eating, can't get through work, and can't see a version of yourself on the other side of this, that's past what a page can help with. See a doctor or a therapist, and tell someone close to you what's going on. If you're thinking about hurting yourself, don't wait: contact a crisis line or emergency services now.

What's Next?

If you're doing these, you're doing enough. That's genuinely all that's needed for now.

When you're ready for more than survival, the next stage is Rebuild Yourself. A good place to start is how to heal — the same ideas, with the work underneath them.