Immediate Steps

A breakup hurts. Here's what to do next.

Every one of these is for you. None of them is a move.

1. Retreat and Stop Contact
   1. Get out of the room, off the phone, out of the conversation
   2. Don't talk to your ex if practical — not to make a point, just because nothing said in the first week is said by the person you actually are
   3. If you can't avoid each other, keep it brief and civil
2. Give Yourself Time
   1. Take a break from each other
   2. Vent, reflect, heal
   3. Long enough to feel different about things
   4. The space is to stop you grasping — it isn't a lever. If you're counting the days for them, you're not taking the break, you're waiting them out. More on that here: the no contact rule
3. Look After Yourself
   1. Exercise
   2. Eat well
   3. Sleep enough
   4. Connect with friends and family
   5. You matter — live accordingly
4. Spend Time with Loved Ones
   1. Reach out to friends and family
   2. Remind yourself of life's good things
5. Stay Off Social Media
   1. Don't bother posting about the breakup
   2. Don't grieve in public
   3. Not because of how it looks — because a feeling you've published is one you now have to keep performing. Keep it yours
6. Don't Stalk Your Ex
   1. Avoid following your ex online
   2. Or in person
   3. Every check resets the clock. You can't get any distance from someone you're reading three times a day — and they're entitled to be left alone
7. Go Easy on the Sad Stuff
   1. If a film or an album is putting you on the floor for the rest of the night, don't watch it, don't play it
   2. That's not the same as not feeling it. There's a difference between sitting with the pain and marinating in it on purpose
   3. You'll know which one you're doing
8. Avoid Big Decisions
   1. Don't make choices with long-term effects
   2. Postpone big decisions until you are calmer
9. Don't Rush Into Someone Else
   1. Not a moral point. You'd be bringing very little of yourself to it, and whoever it is deserves better than that
   2. Same for a new relationship: heal first, date later

Look after yourself. Give it time. In a while, you'll be in a fit state to decide what's next — and that decision is a lot further away than it feels right now.

What's Next?

You've taken the first steps. Good job. That's genuinely all that's needed for now.

When you're ready for more than survival, the next thing is how to heal — the same ideas, with the work underneath them.