“A simple no contact calculator for pretty much everyone navigating a breakup.”
Find out how much time to give your ex, in less than 20 seconds.
NEWS: The no contact calculator is no longer publicly available, sorry.
The calculator is available exclusively for Breakup Dojo members. And I explain more to email subscribers if you are interested. However, read on to get some tips for determining your no contact duration…
How long should no contact rule last?
How long should you commit to the no contact rule? Are we talking days or weeks? Or is it months?
Well, you can guess half a day is not enough, right?
But what about a week, or 10 days?
Yeah, maybe that’s enough.
Or maybe not.
Because it depends on your situation. As there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer (despite what some claim.)
What I can tell you is this —
To get closer to the right answer, you’ll want to take into account:
- The stage your relationship was at just before the breakup;
- The level of drama involved at the time of the breakup.
Those two get you to a better position to determine a reasonable no contact duration.
The stage of your relationship?
Relationships go through predictable stages of development (honeymoon, stabilising, long term etc.)
Generally, the later the stage of your relationship, the more space you’ll want to give. But that’s a rough rule.
Then there’s the level of drama in the breakup itself. The big “reason-why” and how intense the fall-out was.
HOW this 2nd part affects your “no contact duration” is harder to explain.
See, you’ll want to increase the gap the more intense your breakup was. However…
It’s not that simple. Because the duration can go UP if there’s too little drama!
Yes, you can have “not enough” drama.
If it was a mild breakup? That warrants MORE time. Because as the level of drama drops below a certain point, the level of emotions involved drops with it.
And that’s a bad sign. So you must increase the duration to compensate.
Makes your head spin, right?
Now, you may notice how some people tell you to do 30 days no contact even though they don’t know your situation?
Almost everybody I know gives the 30 day rule. (or 21.)
I thought so.
But after I looked at what was involved in giving people an accurate answer, I got it. I understood why.
It’s EASIER to tell people to take a 30 day break. The danger of waiting too long is smaller than the danger of not waiting long enough.
While 30 days will be overkill for many, it’s a safe (ish) answer.
You don’t have to accept that if you don’t want to.
My no contact calculator —SUMO— gives you the answer.
It tells you how long to wait (“Shut Up”) to give you the best opportunity to make headway with your ex (“Make Opportunity.”)
SUMO is born out of my research and experience from the past 10+ years helping couples reunite.
Did you know? I call this no contact calculator the SUMO tool.
SUMO stands for: Shut Up, Make Opportunity.
But whatever you call it, it is a simple way to calculate how long your no contact period will run for. Handy when following the no contact rule after a breakup.
This gives you the number of days or weeks to “Shut Up.”
It is within this duration of time I recommend you “Make Opportunity” rather than wait around…