A quick guide to the 30-day no contact rule

The 30-day no contact rule refers to how long to avoid contacting or responding to your ex after a breakup. Two popular reasons for ignoring your ex are:

  1. To make your ex miss you and want to get back together
  2. To help you heal from a breakup and move on
Surrealist illustration of a broken heart with bold colors

A surreal illustration of a broken heart: No contact can help heal your heart

What is the no contact rule?

The no contact rule is defined as a period of time where you will not communicate or respond to your ex. All forms of interaction are forbidden: speaking, seeing, texting, emailing, and so on.

Why 30 days of no contact?

Thirty days is long enough to derive most of the intended benefits of not contacting your ex.

But, there are exceptions, and not everyone will get the most benefits in 30 days.

If your goal is to get back with your ex, there are circumstances where less than 30 days no contact is better.

I made a no contact calculator to give a more accurate answer.

Why should I follow it?

  • It gives you time for your heart to heal.
  • Recover your backbone.
  • It gives your ex the space they want.
  • It protects and builds your pride and dignity.
  • It helps to get your ex to see you in a different light.
  • It gives you a strong position to fight for your ex if you want to later.

Does 30 days of no contact work?

If you follow and stick to it and use the time correctly, then no contact works just fine.

You will enjoy the following benefits and more:

  • Thirty days of no contact will give you a chance to rebuild yourself.
  • It will give your ex a taste of what they want.
  • It will protect your dignity and give you a sense of control.
  • It will build your self-respect and self-esteem.

What is the psychological effect of no contact?

The psychological effects of using no contact on the dumper are many and include:

  • You sow the seed of doubt.
  • Your ex may find the sudden silence mentally unsettling.
  • The dumper may feel a loss of control in the situation.
  • Your ex may become restless with curiosity over how you are and what you are doing.
  • Your ex may feel frustrated to no longer be “in the loop” over what you are doing.
  • You may even instill feelings of rejection and betrayal in your ex.

The psychological effects on you, the dumpee, can also be unpleasant. For example, you will experience “cold turkey” symptoms from cutting out your ex. However, as you chose to embark on the no contact journey, you have the advantage of control. The positive effects include feeling more purposeful, more self-esteem, and more mental strength.

What to do after 30 days of no contact?

After you complete the 30 days of no contact, you will have a better idea of what you want to do. Will you decide to move on, or will you choose to fight for your ex?

If you choose to fight for your relationship, you will need to contact your ex. After all, it is logical that contact follows no contact!

If you decide to move on, you effectively extend the no contact duration. Later you might negotiate friendship with your ex, or you might not!

Some people need more time before they are ready to make their next move. In that case, you can add another two weeks (or some other extension that makes sense.)

For most of you reading this, you will want to do whatever gives you the best chance of winning your ex back.

Psst.. Do you want to know if you have a chance of getting your ex back?

I’ll give you SEVEN dead giveaway clues your ex wants you back or is having second thoughts…

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    My girlfriend and I broke up last week. I followed your instructions and we are back together — Erick Nelson

    About the author: Michael Fulmer is a breakup consultant and writer of The Ex-Communication newsletter. Creator of Breakup Dojo and Second Chance, teaching “how to outwit your ex’s negative feelings.” Michael has been repairing breakups since 2011. No fancy suits, shooting videos, or posting fake smiling photos. Michael —“as not featured on Youtube”— Fulmer.