How Can You Get Your Ex Back?

Breakups hurt. You're in pain. I get it. I'll tell you how to get your ex back. It's simpler than you think.

I've helped thousands of people through this exact situation over the past 14 years. Here's what works.

Why This Plan Works

Getting your ex back is about clarity and strategy. The main technique is keeping things straightforward. A good plan in six steps will work better than a complex strategy with a hundred. Don't overcomplicate it.

Getting your ex back isn't about tricks or manipulation. It's about making smart decisions at each stage of the process.

Most people fail because they skip stages or rush through them. Don't do that.

Follow this framework in order. Each stage builds on the last.

Note: This page gives you the complete plan. Want even deeper guidance with daily support? Check out my UNFAZED program for that.

The Six-Step Plan

Here are the key steps so you don't waste months figuring it out yourself:

Let's break down each stage in detail:

Stage 1: Give Them Space

What it means: Stop all contact with your ex. No calls, texts, or social media stalking. This is called the no contact rule.

Why it works: Space reduces pressure. Your ex can't miss you if you're always there. Distance creates curiosity.

How long: Depends on your relationship length and breakup severity. Use the no contact calculator to find out exactly how long you should wait. Usually 3-8 weeks minimum.

Your main job: Don't chase. Don't explain. Don't apologise repeatedly. Just disappear with dignity.

Stage 2: Heal and Improve Yourself

What it means: Focus entirely on improving yourself. Hit the gym. Learn skills. Spend time with friends. Become genuinely better.

Why it works: Your ex left a certain version of you. They won't come back to that same person. Show them someone different.

How long: This never stops. But you need 4-8 weeks minimum before considering contact.

Your main job: Build confidence. Fix what was broken. Become someone your ex would be proud to date again. Get obsessed with how to heal from heartbreak, not with what your ex is up to.

Stage 3: Check Your Options

What it means: Honestly evaluate if getting back together makes sense. Not all exes should reunite.

Why it matters: You might realize you don't actually want them back. Or you might see serious obstacles you need to address first.

Key questions to ask yourself:

Your main job: Be brutally honest. Don't romanticise the past. Decide if you're moving forward or moving on.

Stage 4: Make Progressive Contact

What it means: Start communication again. Slowly. Strategically. Learn what to text after no contact and use clear boundaries.

Why it's tricky: One wrong text can undo weeks of progress. You need to rebuild attraction without triggering defensiveness.

The approach:

Your main job: Create positive interactions. Make them feel good about talking to you. Don't rush intimacy. A text is less pushy than a call. Build up slowly.

Stage 5: Express Your Intentions

What it means: When the time is right, have an honest conversation about what you both want.

When to do it: Only after you've rebuilt connection. Only when they're responding warmly. Usually weeks or months into Stage 4.

What to say: Express your feelings clearly. No games. No manipulation. Just honest communication about trying again. Tell them what you want.

Your main job: Be direct but not desperate. Accept their answer with dignity. Don't beg or argue.

Stage 6: Build a New Relationship

What it means: Build a new relationship. Don't replay the old one. Create something better.

Two paths:

Either way: You've grown. You've handled this with dignity. You're stronger than when you started.

Your main job: Don't fall back into old patterns. Keep the lessons you learned. Stay true to who you've become.

Common Mistakes People Make

Skipping Stage 1: They keep texting, calling, or showing up. This pushes their ex further away.

Rushing Stage 2: They don't actually improve. They just wait impatiently to contact their ex again.

Ignoring Stage 3: They chase an ex who was actually toxic or incompatible.

Fumbling Stage 4: They come on too strong, too fast, or say the wrong things.

Avoiding Stage 5: They stay stuck in ambiguous "friends" territory for months or years.

Repeating Stage 6: They get back together but nothing actually changed. They break up again.

Don't be that person.

Your Mindset Matters

Your thoughts shape your actions. Take deliberate action. Don't leave it to chance.

We have little control in life. But little isn't none. You can influence outcomes. Be smart about it.

Also, your mind can be cruel. It imagines the worst. So learn to manage negative thoughts.

Conversely, use space to your advantage. Let your ex's mind wonder about you. Appear happy and positive when they see you. But, be careful. Don't overdo it.

Be Attractive and Confident

Humans share common traits. We're wired similarly. Desperation repels. Confidence attracts.

Your ex fell for your strengths. Show them again. Fight your urge to fall apart. Regain your power.

Remember This

Your ex must choose to return. Force never works. We defend our own choices. Not others' choices for us.

You can help guide their decision. But it must be theirs.

That's it. You just learned the complete plan for getting your ex back. Now use it. Remember, nothing is guaranteed. But this simple approach beats leaving things to chance.

Don't sit around doing nothing. Take control. Be deliberate about your actions. You have more influence than you think.

If you want your ex back, follow this plan. It's simple, clear, and effective. Now go make it happen.

Start with Stage 1. Read it completely. Implement it fully. The immediate first steps guide will help you begin.

Frequently Asked Questions

Can I really get my ex back?

While every situation is unique, many couples do successfully reunite after a breakup. The key is approaching the situation with the right mindset and strategies.

How long does the process take?

The timeline varies depending on your specific circumstances. Some see results in weeks, while others may take months. The important thing is to focus on personal growth throughout the process.

Situation-Specific Playbooks

This plan covers the universal strategy. For situation-specific guidance, explore these playbooks:

Browse all playbooks →